How to Survive the Holidays


The most wonderful time of the year is around the corner and everyone’s getting ready for another season of joy, togetherness, gifting, caroling, and tasty food. Yet, for a large number of people, this time of the year is also a source of a great stress, exhaustion, and sadness.

Studies show that only 10 percent of people in the U.S. report no stress during the holidays.Also, the holiday season may beexceptionallytough if you recently lost someonecloseand you are still grieving. All the hustle and bustle around the holidayscanincrease the feeling ofyourloss, making thesorrow and loneliness feel bottomless.

For all of you who struggle with the jolliness of the season, here are some effective ways to survive theholidays.

Holiday Stress

To lessenor avoid the stressthroughoutthe holidays,youneed to learn how to respond tooverwhelmingholidayhubbubin a composed and healthyway.So, let’sdelve onthemost effective ways tostay saneduring the holidayseason.

1. KeepOrganized

If you wanttolessentheholiday-related stress, try toavoid the last-minuteshopping. Rathermake a schedule aheadfor shopping, decorating, baking, gathering,and other holiday activities. This wayyou’ll cut your last-minute errandsthat causea lot ofstress during holidays.

2. PlanYour Budget

Things can easily get out of hand during the holidays. Each year,most of usendup spending a lot more thanweoriginally planned.So, make sure to plan your holiday budget andtostick to it.Also, if you’re struggling with the finances, don’t spendunreasonably. Forinstance, instead of buying expensive gifts, give something handmade and original.

3. Take Care of Yourself

Although the holiday season is usually asymbolfor familyget-togethers andfriend-reunions, try to devote sometimeto yourselfas well. Take a break from partying,excessive eating andgruelingtrips to the malls.

Dosomeyoga or practice mindfulness meditation instead.Read your favorite book and spend some lazy mornings in your bed.Also, this is a perfect time of the year to count your blessings and think ofyourNew Year’s resolutions. Start your days expressing gratitude for all those good things that have come your way.

Devoting time to yourselfduring the holidays will help renew your energyandhelp keepthe peaceful mind during the holidays.

Loss andGrief during the Holidays

If you recently lost a close person, your life has certainly changed, filling your days withthedevastating pain.Andtheholiday season can be particularly tough for those inamidst of thegrieving process. If you’re still grieving, it is totally normal that you feel the apathy and indifference towards the approaching holiday season.

However, here are some things you can do to ease the pain and survive the holidays.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The way you’ll cope with grief and loss during the holidays is only your business. Don’tfeel guilty if you cannot enjoy yourself.It is all right to tell people you just aren’t up to celebrations this year.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning during the holiday season. For example, if you don’t feel like joiningthefamily or corporate celebrations this year,don’t want to sing carolsor you want to tune out the holiday season altogether,that’s only your choice. So, do whatever you feel like doingand give yourself time to grieve.

2. Reach Out for Support

Seek grief counseling. A professional bereavement counselor can help you accept your feelings and build a strategy for coping with emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and spiritual reaction to loss.

3. Externalize Your Loss

Talk about the deceased person. Joinagrief support group, online or in your community.Sharingyour feelings and thoughts with people who are going throughasimilar experience can be helpful.In addition, doingsmall things inthememory of a loved one such as creating a certain tribute during the holidays can also help in your grieving process.

4. Start a New Holiday Tradition

Starting a new tradition with your kids, family members or friendsdoesn’t mean that you have already forgotten a loved one. Doing something different will help you survive the holidays and boost the awareness that you need to moveon.Also, don’t feel guilty if you find joy during the holiday season. Enjoying the holidays doesn’t diminish how much you miss the person you lost.

5. Holiday Good Deeds

Consider helpingothersduringtheholidays.Think aboutjoining a local charity orvolunteeringin your community. Helping others will distract your grieving thoughts and give you something else to think about instead. Additionally, giving and sharing with others will boost your self-esteem; you’ll feel better knowing that you are doing something selfless during the holidays.

For many people, holidays can beastressfuland painfultime of the year.None of us can escape loss, butthesting ofbereavementcan be especiallypainfulduring the holidays. While youmay feel pressure to be happy during the holiday season, it’s totally fine if you don’t.

In the end, if you need support in overcoming stress or coping with grief during the holidays,reach out for support. We canwork on your feelings, boost your coping mechanismsduring the holidays, and help you get back on track.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

The Inner Light of an Empath: Embracing Your Spirituality


 

Emotions are an inseparable part of human life. We all have them and live with them. However, a spiritual empath’s feelings are delicate and deep. An empath feels sadness, fear and anxiety more intensely and gets upset easier. The empaths get easily overwhelmed and often have the odd feeling that they somehow do not fit in.

An empath feels the pain of others. The pain of the world. The suffering of those around themmakes themoverwhelmed, so empathsoftenexperiencefeelinghopelessness, sadness, anxiety, and depression.So, they oftenwant to withdraw from the world full ofsorrowto protect themselves.

However, if you are an empath, you don’t have to withdraw from the world around you completely.Instead, you need to learn how to embrace your spirituality andhow tobalance your empathyandyour self-protection.

But firstly, you need to understand whyyou tune in your own and the feelings of others so deeply and intensely.

How Neuroscience and Spirituality are Intertwined?

Have you ever heard of amygdala? This delicate set of small almond-shaped clusters of nuclei is settled deepin the temporal lobe of the brain and plays a huge part in processing emotions. The more intense the feelings are the more responsive your amygdala becomes.In other words, the amygdala plays an important part inyourheightenedemotionalreactions.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, a research psychologist, the amygdala is extremely activated in sensitive people. Through herextensiveresearch, Dr. Aron found that whenshe exposes empaths and highly sensitive persons (HSPs) to pictures of human suffering, their amygdala becomes highly activated.

The amygdala then sends signals tothehypothalamus, the part of the brain that communicates with the rest of the body throughtheautonomic nervous system, releasing hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream, which further provokes emotional responses.

For an empath’s emotional reaction, it is enough to be in the presence of someone suffering emotionally. An empath feels other person’s feelings and reacts to them. Amygdala then alarms the hypothalamus and the hormones are activated. However, it these hormones are overproduced but not used (for example through body movement), the result may beanoversensitive emotional response.

Constantly repeated, this pattern may block the normal energy flow through the body, putting the hormones and organs out of the balance.

The problem withempathsis thattheirstress triggers decrease rarely or never.The empathsfeel other people’s energy all the time and sometimes this energy can stick withthemfor days after witnessing other person’s emotional reaction.

In short, their amygdala is constantly activated, releasing the large amounts of cortisol and adrenaline into the body, often triggering anxiety, fear, and worry.

How to Embrace Your Spirituality?

Being an empath can be draining. It is, therefore, important to find the balance between your spiritual empathy and the worldyou feel for.

The spiritual empaths are profoundly needed in today’s worldfilled with profounddisaffection and alienation. It is the spiritual energy of the empaths that can influence those around them to seek beauty and peacefulness in the things that surround them.

For that reason, it is important that you work on your inner balance, protect yourself, andlivein harmony with the world around you.

Don’t get to exposed to negative influences. Try to avoid stress triggers as much as possible. Limit your exposure to negativity around you. Tune out people who emit hostility and anger and bring pain into your life. Also, try to minimize the exposure to dramatic news. However, this doesn’t mean you need to tune out the world completely but to filter the information you are going to emotionally invest in.

Be mindful of good.Choose to see kindness, positivity, and calmness around youand be the kindness and love you feel.

Practice mindful meditation.This will help keep yourmind quietand stop unnecessary amygdala activation.

Stay active.If you are an empath, regular exercise will help ease the stress response by clearing excess stress hormones from your bloodstream.

Connect with nature.Negativity mostly comes fromotherpeople.Immerse yourself in nature. Spend time outsideand allow the sunlight and nature to cleanse and recharge you.The empaths are highly attracted to light because their gift is like light to others.As an empath, you emit the light of yoursoul onto your surroundings.Connecting with flowers, animals, and water around you is a great energy healing therapy that will help you regain the balance.

Let it out.Cry when you feel you need to do so. Crying has healing properties -it works like a cleaning mechanism for your soul.

Being an empath is simply something that you are. You cannot choose to be less an empath or not to be an empath anymore. But you can channel your spirituality to make a positive change.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How Social Media Affects Your Mental Health


 

Many of us remember the time when a boredom still existed. No-internet time. No-social media time. In our highly technological world today, we are surrounded by devices and information at any given moment of our daily lives and have no spare time to relax and simply do nothing.

Howmuch time during your dayor/and night you spend thoughtlessly scrolling through your social media feeds, liking, sharing, tweeting, and updating? Let’s be honest, most of us use every spare moment to check out our social mediaplatforms- those moments we usedto chat toanother person, read a book orenjoy a view at the beach in our pre-social media lives.

No matter whereyouare – atyour home, at the office, coffee shop, exotic beach, mounting lodge, subway, airportorashoppingmall…youare alwaysconnected.

One review study showed that people who use social networks excessively tend to neglect their personal life,withdraw andspend their daytime daydreaming,andexperience frequent mood swings. In addition, theyare likely toconceal their addictive behavior.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has warned about cyberbullying and “Facebook depression” as serious negative effects social mediahas onchildren and teens. However, the same risks affect adults as well.

Here are some examplesofhow social media can be damaging to your mental health.

1.Social Media Promotes Social Isolationand Loneliness

Despite the belief that you’re socializing with a great number of people while browsing your social media feeds, studies show that social media use actually leads to greater feelings of social isolation. One study results indicate that more time people spend on social media, the more socially isolated these people perceived themselves to be.

Thousands of friends on social mediadon’t necessarily mean you are more social and havearicher social life. One study has found that there seems to be a certain capon the number of friends each of us can handle. Moreover, it takes actual social interaction, not virtual, to keep up our friendships.

A recent survey that sampled 20,000 people 18-24 years old showed that young people are experiencing feelings of extreme isolation and loneliness, with 49 percent of themreporting sometimes or always feeling alone while 43 percent feeling their relationships are not meaningful. At the same time, 47 percent of young peoplearefeeling left out.

As we all know, loneliness is linked to numerous mental health problems.

The false impression of connection that we get from social media seems to be increasing our loneliness.Throughour online-filtered lives, we share some of the most intimate moments with thousands, millions of digital friends. Yet, we are forgetting how to have a meaningful conversation with a colleague at the office.

The constant pressure to filter and put a facade on our lives,simultaneouslycomparing our own withother people’swonderful destinies presented in social media leads to feelings of profound isolation, anxiety, and depression.

2.Social Media Negatively AffectsYour Self-Esteem

Compared to all those wonderful, beautiful, active people who seem to constantly be traveling the world, meeting new friends, staying at expensive hotels, and driving fancy cars, your life seems so small, dull, andunimportant.

Remember, social media is not real life. Don’t fall in a trap of comparing your real life to someone else’s controlled online content.

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and other social media havea negative effect on our expectations and values, our self-esteem and overall mental well-being.One surveyof 1,500 peoplefound thatsocial media platforms make half of them feel inadequate and interactive.

According to anothersurvey, 60 percent of people who use social media reportthat social mediaaffectstheir self-esteem in a negative way.

Instagram feeds loaded with filtered images ofattractive, happy peoplemany times hide the emotional struggle and mental health issues. The pressure to look perfect and impress others leads to pretending that your life is more glamorous and exciting than it is.

Furthermore, the gap between who you are pretending to be online and who you really are can trigger feelings of depression and frustration. In addition, it can make it harder to accept the less-perfect version you really are and seriously affect your self-assurance.

3.Social Media Provokes Anxiety and Depression

A study published inComputers and Human Behaviorfound that people who excessively use social media platforms(three or more platforms)are more than three times as likely as people using up to two platforms to develop high levels of general anxiety symptoms such as feelings of restlessness and worry, and trouble concentrating and sleeping.

Similarly, another survey involving 1,700 people found the link between the use of social media platforms and the risk of anxiety and depression. The researchers find the reasons for this in cyber-bullying, a distorted picture of other people’s lives, and feeling that the time spent on social media is a waste.

In addition, research has found that spending nightssurrounded by artificial lighting can inhibit the body’s production of melatonin, a hormone that helps us fall asleep.

However, social mediahas brought myriad advantages to our lives and cannot be considered asauniversally bad thing. It definitelyaffects people differently, depending on personality traits and previous experiences.

If you are concerned that social media sites negatively impact your life, we can talk about that.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

You’re Not Really Into Him


 

When dating someone, you can be pretty sure if he is into you or not, right? All those big and small signs of someone’s affection are hard to miss. Or the lack of those signs – you simply know when someone is not investing in your relationship as much as you have expected. But, can you as easily recognize whether or not you are into him? Check out the signs below to help you decide.

1. You are not “dying” to See Him

At first, you were super excited to see your boyfriend. You would get all fidgety before thedate, and couldn’t wait to spend the evening with him. However, thereare nobutterflies in your stomach when you are with him anymore. Your enthusiasm somehow vanished already and now you’re neutral when he asks youon a date. A sure sign that you’re not really into him.

2. You are Making Plans without Him

You’ve made an exciting plan to visit Europe next summer. You already have an itinerary, all those exciting places you are going to visit and the things you plan to do…You can’t wait tostart packing your bags! You simply know you and your best friend will have a vacay of a lifetime.

Ups… your best friend? Let’s be honest… a lack of desire to do things together doesn’t look promising- making plans without your boyfriend obviously means that you’re not really into him. In addition, if you catch yourself daydreaming about freedom and singleness, you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend and give yourself some time on your own.

3. You don’t like Being Alone with Him Anymore

You might have been inseparable at the very beginning of your relationship. Yet, these days you find the company of your friends much more enjoyable. Even the time spent alone seems more appealing. If you look forward to nights out with your friends more than your dates with him, this might be a sure sign that it is time to move on.

4. You Lose Your Temper Easily

It is totally normal to argue with your partner. Everyone fights from time to time. However, if your arguments happen daily and you find that you cannot have a conversation without raging at your boyfriend, it may be time to think about your feelings and the real issues behind those everyday fights that you are most likely avoiding to address.

5. You have Other Priorities

Do you rather choose to stay at home and watch a movie than go out with your boyfriend? You often stay at your office longer than you actually need and then excuse yourself that you are too tired to see him? When you start choosing your friends, family, or work over your partner, ask yourself if you’re really into him. If he is not an important part of your life, why bother?

6. You Think You Can Do Better Than Him

You don’t approve of his choice of friends, don’t respect his career, or you don’t like his family? Do you constantly have a feeling that you can do better? Cause if you do, save yourself the trouble and consider moving on with your life.

7. You no Longer have Sexual Desire

There is a lack of passion and interest in sex with your partner. You simply don’t feel sexual towards him anymore. At the same time, you catch yourself fantasizing about your colleague… Not a good sign. And definitely, a red flag that you don’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore.

8. You Don’t Miss Him

When he is not around, you hardly think about your boyfriend. Moreover, you can go days without seeing him and be just fine about that. Not missing your boyfriend after days or weeks without seeing him is a sure sign that you are just not feeling him.

9. You have no Respect for Him

Being in love is an awesome feeling. Passion, desire, great sex…all of it counts. However, respect is vital for a good, fulfilling relationship. A relationship without respect never lasts long, no matter how attracted to him you might feel. When partners don’t respect each other, they are not open about their feelings and they don’t care what the other side wants, needs, or feels. Not promising. If you don’t think highly of your boyfriend or he embarrasses you, you obviously don’t like him as much as you thought.

10. You are Hesitant about Your Relationship’s Future

You are just not sure whether he is right for you or not. You are terrified even thinking of meeting his family and can’t help thinking that your relationship is progressing a bit too fast. If you don’t feel like nurturing your relationship and putting any effort to strengthen your bond, you need to admit it – you’re not really into him.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Animals and How They Can Improve Mental Health


 

Animals And Mental Health

Animals have been shown to improve your mental health. Here is tons of ways how animals/pets can help your mind, body and spirit.

Petting reduces stress; rhythmic petting can be comforting to your pet as well as you. It’s proven that when you connect to your pet, oxytocin the hormone related to stress and anxiety is released, and in hand helping to reduce blood pressure and lower cortisol levels.

Animals distract you but also can help you be present, the best of both worlds. Being present and engaged with your pet, helps to keep you in the moment and focus on mindfulness and grounding, slowing down the racing thoughts that may be causing you stress and or anxiety and enjoying your time with your little fur buddy.

Animals are great listeners. Sometimes when we are feeling stuck or vulnerable it helps to get those feelings out, and who else is a better listener than your pet? A dog or cat is the perfect outlet to vent to when you need without any potential repercussions.

Animals love unconditionally. Seeing your pet’s enthusiasm when they see you fills your heart and soul. A pet’s love is unconditional and the love they show can brighten any day.

Animals get you outside, especially dogs. Dogs get you out and moving, and staying active, being out doors has shown to correlate with lower stress and anxiety levels.

Finally, they make you smile. When your pet does cute things how can you not smile? Whether your pet is rolling on their back or giving you a kiss, it makes you smile and triggers neurotransmitters to fire. These pet time smiles can raise your serotonin and dopamine levels, which are nerve transmitters associated with calmness and happiness.

So go have a great time with your pet and have fun, and if you don’t have a pet volunteering at a nearby shelter can benefit the animals from your love and benefit you from their love.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D