Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How Do We Love Ourselves Unconditionally?


Well, that’s a tough question, how do we love ourselves unconditionally? I’m here to help with guidance on the ability to do this.

Through my years of being a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, many of times I’ve been asked this, or some how some way our conversation have come back to the idea do you love yourself? And I admit each person is unique, so what it means to one person to love themselves unconditionally can look different for someone else, but the core concepts are essential to be able to love yourself, or show yourself love. My list below goes through the ways we all can love ourselves or love ourselves better, when done and practiced our lives become enhanced, happier and more fulfilling.

So this moment is the moment to choose to love, to love yourself unconditionally and by doing so love will be your most rewarding gift you can ever give yourself

Self care is essential when it comes to loving yourself. Self care can range from different activities, and components but it’s an essential building block towards loving yourself. Are you eating, are you drinking, are you getting enough sleep for your body? These are core components of self care. Now to go deeper are you feeding your soul? Are you doing things that may you happy, that make you complete? What I tell my clients often is do you, take a day to yourself, read, relax, binge on your favorite show, but most importantly show yourself self care and self love.

Appreciation, is another way to love your self, do you appreciate yourself? Are you appreciating your goals? Your hard work to obtain them? Self appreciation is key to loving yourself and admiring all the hard work you have done and are doing.

Mindfulness is also another key concept to unconditional self love, being apart of a moment and not worrying about the past or future brings you closer to your inner feelings and self and in hand makes you a happier person. Mindfulness can be as simple as using your five senses to ground yourself to practicing more complex mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness allows you to understand yourself on a deeper level and be present with that love.

Self acceptance is another key player in self love. Accepting your self as you are, and being proud of that person is a huge block to self love. We are all human beings and all make mistakes but being able to forgive the past, and accept and move forward in a positive light is self acceptance and self love.

Practice what you preach, the love you deserve and expect from others ensure that your also treating yourself with that same unconditional love, be kind to your self, practice self esteem and self confidence building to show your self the love you deserve and appreciation.

Good long lasting relationships are essential to love yourself. It’s said that you are made up of the 5 people your closet to, and in hand shows how you feel about yourself. So, with this in mind, surround yourself with loving, caring and great people and you will also begin to treat and love yourself the way these people do, feel loved, feel appreciated.

Positive self talk is another way to love yourself unconditionally. Positive mantras are fantastic for feeling good and loving yourself. I encourage my clients to choose new ones each week and the positivity that arises is explosive.

Challenging negative thoughts, is another way to eliminate negative self talk and begin to love yourself. Question the negative thoughts and understand that most are not even valid thoughts, begin to replace them with positive thoughts and see how quickly your life and the way you life and the way you love yourself changes.

Avoid perfection, now a days everyone is striving for perfection, well hate to break it but there’s no such thing, so begin today with self love and avoid these theme of perfection, don’t compare yourselves to others just love who you are truly and deeply.

Exercise is another way to practice self love, endorphins released provide a positive effect on our minds and in hand we feel good, so whether it’s running outside or going to the gym, it’s time to get moving.

Gratitude is another way to truly love yourself. I often encourage my clients to keep a gratitude journal, being sincere with your gratitude allows you to reflect deeper on the beauty of your life, what surrounds you, and yourself.

Self-compassion and self-worth is also major parts in loving yourself unconditionally. Be compassionate for yourself, be easy on yourself and always remember your self-worth. For some this may be creating healthy boundaries to ensure they protect there self-worth, and by doing this surround themselves with only positivity and love.

Once you’re able to love yourself unconditionally you will see how quickly and positively your life changes, As you grow closer to yourself, love yourself, you will also become more powerful, so choose love today, the most healing component in the world, love.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Job Stress and Mental Illness


Does job stress affect your mental health? I would have to say, most definitely. Job stress can affect you emotionally and mentally. Job stress can affect your home life, relationships, sleep patterns and self care. Luckily there are ways to help lower job stress.

Sleep sleep sleep, sleep is key. Getting enough rest when being under workplace pressure can help regulate emotional balance, so ensure your getting a good nights rest each evening.

Healthy eating habits are also essential to lowering your job related stress and the way it affects you. At times, the stress can become heightened and affect our eating patterns, so ensure to eat your three meals a day and take good care of your body, exercise and good eating habits are key.

Priorities tasks at work can also be helpful to organize thoughts and materials. Take the time to make a list and organize what’s a priority to help create structure and lower stress levels. It’s said that writing lists down, give you a 40% higher chance of completing the tasks, so get that notepad out.

Time is key. When we’re running late we are more likely to become stressed more often. So take an extra 15 minutes in the morning to leave early and give yourself time, to avoid feeling rushed and stressed.

Self-care!! Do what makes you happy, take time for yourself and surround yourself with happy, positive friends and family. Keep a gratitude journal and complete it every evening, ensuring to ground yourself.

Mindfulness, slow it all down, focus on the here and now and remember that this to shall pass.

At the end of each day disconnect from work life and enjoy the quality time with friends, family and pets.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How To Deal With The Stress During The Holidays


As the holidays arise we feel numerous different emotions in Westchester NY. Happiness, sadness, stress and perhaps even overwhelmed.

When it’s that time of year you may feel a sense of hope, rebirth, positivity and warmth. However, this can also involve feelings of stress due to all the tasks that revolve around holiday time. Whether it be family stress, shopping, missing loved ones that have moved on; it’s true the holidays can bring about stress. So how do we deal with stress around the holidays in NY?

First, healthy coping skills are essential for dealing with holiday stress. Acknowledge your feelings and validate them. Than, practice your healthy coping skills and good self care. Practice compassion for yourself and for others. Take it slow and remember to breathe.

Create a plan for a budget, if financial stress is a component around the holidays. Plan a head and don’t over spend, remember the holidays is about love, family and friends, not about the gifts.

Reach out to friends and family when feeling lonely. Some individuals may feel a sense of loss during the holidays and it’s important to reach out and talk about your emotions. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and talk about the way you feel.

Family stress is another possible stressor around the holidays. Could it be your in laws? Or your parents? Remember don’t take on there emotions, validate your own and separation is key. Practice mindful meditation and focus on the here and now.

Practice positive self talk and reassuring self talk to boost positivity and eliminate negative thoughts.

If the holiday stress is missing a loved one whom has passed on, focus on the beauty and the memories that you have with that person. Remember our memories are sacred and always our personal recollections of loved ones. Talk about the person, and relate these feelings to your support systems to help validate the way you feel.

Professional help may be needed, Psychotherapy and counseling can be extremely helpful. If so reach out to a local therapist to seek help, remember we are here help and want to be apart of your journey to wellness.

Through the hustle of the holidays, be true to the meaning of the holidays, spending time with love ones, feeling grateful and surrounding yourself with positivity.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Things you should share or have in common with your significant other


 

Opposites attract right? The cliche statement for all couples, however there is some aspects that you should have in common with your partner.

In order to have a successful relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to have all aspects in common but having similar beliefs on many can be extremely helpful for the couple.

Check out the list below:

1. Trust, trust is essential for successful relationships, trust builds a secure bond and mutual respect.

2. That brings in the next aspect, respect, having mutual respect from one another makes the difference between a healthy relationship vs. an unhealthy relationship.

3. Similar interests, when it comes to foods, movies, etc. This is important as your going to being having most of your meals together, thus having a common liking is important. Similar movies and interests also allows you to enjoy things you like together as a couple.

4. You’re a team. Being a collaborative team allows you and your partner to love one another, support one another and have one another to achieve goals together.

5. Communication is key, your communication should be effective and so should your partners in order to promote healthy communication between the two.

6. Listening skills and empathy is another key element for successful relationships and partners to have in common.

7. Life/Future goals need to be similar, do you want kids? Do you want to purchase a home? Having similar life goals, allows for couple to feel motivated and inspired with their partner to obtain them.

8. Family boundaries, essential!! Having similar family boundaries is so important to have in common with your partner to avoid unnecessary disagreements and to live harmoniously with family.

9. Finances, finance expectations need to be similar, so that both partners understand the financial plan that both have independently and can bring together cohesively for the relationship.

10. Expectations, what is one another expectations on the relationship, on life? Having similar, common expectations allows couples to flourish and succeed.

11. Express appreciation, both partners need to feel validate and appreciated, this makes the difference between a successful couple vs. unsuccessful couple, give compliments, appreciate the love you two have together.

12. Values need to be similar, often I encourage my engaged couples to have these conversations to ensure that their core values and morals match up.

13. Hobbies, similar hobbies is wonderful for couples to have in common, it allows the couple to enjoy the things they love to do together.

14. Chores, successful couples have a clear structure of chores and how to share the roles.

15. Don’t hold grudges, learn to forgive and grow and develop together.

16. Accept one another, differences, good, bad and all, love unconditionally always.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

3 Tips For Making Your Life More Rewarding/More Positive


As human beings, we always want our lives to be meaningful, rewarding and positive right? Through the chaos of life at times, sometimes we don’t feel like our lives are as rewarding or positive as they could be. Thus, here I share 3 tips on ways to make your life more rewarding, starting today.

Reward your self; reflect on the positive things in your life. So how do we do this? I always encourage keeping a gratitude journal. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you to reflect on the things in your life that your grateful for, the positive things. In keeping a gratitude journal you’re grounding yourself as well as rewarding yourself to reflect on all the beautiful things in your life that surround you that we may not take notice of on a daily basis, so highlight them with your gratitude journal.

Next, to live a more rewarding, positive life I encourage you to be true to yourself. Being honest, and your authentic self-letting down any barriers that may have arisen through the years is authenticity. When you let those barriers down, theirs no pressure, you become your true self. Believe in yourself, follow your dreams and aspirations and remember you can do it!

Give yourself credit, self care. Being good to yourself and rewarding your self can help you feel more confident and stronger. I encourage you to let go of the fears, overcome your challenges, and remember to always be good to yourself, because you are beautiful, you are special and you make this world a better place.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D