relationships

16
Feb
2022

Heartbreak (and what you need to know after a break up)


 

This is all you need to know after a break up:

Breakups are difficult and can be extremely emotional roller coasters. It’s essential after a break up to take care of you, self-care is so important, so take the time to be good and kind to yourself.

This is a new chapter of your life, and taking the steps to let go of your past and that relationship is the first step. It’s still going to be painful and it’s going to take time, but remember time heals all wounds. So start this new chapter for yourself. Remember we don’t have control of the outside world, but we can control are reactions and responses, so take this time to focus on yourself and your well being. Breathe in, breathe out, surround yourself with great friends and family and begin the process of your new chapter.

No blame, challenge those negative thoughts. You might begin to blame yourself or partner for the break up, either way this leads to negative self talk and brings you to a dark place, so change it up. Focus on you, your accomplishments, your amazing traits and what makes you so very special. At first this may be hard; but positive self-talk is essential towards this recovery after the break up.

You are the star of your life, the star of your show, and make it the story you want to read, and more importantly you want to live. Be easy on yourself, take it slow and this to shall pass.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

3 Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage


 

How can we reconnect and strengthen your marriage?

Below are my three tips on ways to strengthen your relationship with your significant other:

  1. Create couples rituals; whether it’s a date night, a check-in or having morning coffee together, rituals help to provide structure, which in hands creates security, and bonds that are essential for successful relationships.
  2. Disconnect from work, the phone, and others to spend some alone quality time together with your significant other. Setting limits to the amount of time spent on the phone or work can help lower and elevate stress levels and allows quality time to be spent solely with your significant other. So step away from the phone, shut it down and spend some time together where you can connect and feel the happiness that brought you two together originally.
  3. Do something fun, spontaneous and adventurous together. Step out of your comfort zone and have a new adventure or experience together. This helps to strengthen your bond while experiencing and enjoying something new together.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Break up Drama (The do’s and do not’s after a break up)


 

The do’s and do not’s after a break up

We all have been there and know that a break up can significantly upset your entire world. For whatever reason the break up may have occurred it still hurts, a lot. How we react and respond significantly affects the way we feel. Some say ok, it’s time to figure out what’s going on with my ex, checking there social media pages, talking to there friends, finding out the “scoop”, but does that really help? Does that make you feel any better, when really asking yourself that question the answer is probably no, so let’s change it up. What can we do to help relive the pain and stress involved with a break up? The list below I’ve created as healthy tips on ways to work through the emotions surrounding a break up, the do’s and do not’s.

First, and foremost is self care, do self-care: taking care of your self is essential when you’re going through a tough time. Whether it’s getting a manicure or massage or eating and sleeping well, its all self-care and essential to your wellbeing.

Next, surround yourself with good friends and family, a great support system is essential when you’re experiencing being in this vulnerable place.

How about practicing some healthy coping skills? It’s essential to your wellbeing and recovery.

Journal journal journal, journaling your emotions can really help to speak to your inner emotions and allow yourself to express your emotions in a healthy manner.

Exercise!!! Get out, walk around, take a class, go to the gym, and increase the endorphins.

Challenging your negative thoughts can also be very helpful to your recovery, challenge this negative thoughts and work towards positive thinking, one step at a time.

Mindfulness, is also extremely helpful, focus on the here and now, takes it slow, one day at a time and is kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Be patient, a break up is like mourning and the grievance process can take time to feeling back to your self.

Now we discussed the do’s, what are the do not’s?

Do not talk to your ex’s friends or follow there social media’s this is only a recipe for disaster.

Do not talk shit about your ex to his friends and family, your feeling angry and upset and it’s understandable, but having these conversations only draws you into a darker place.

Don’t blame!! Blaming becomes a big part of the unanswered questions after a break, but the blame game gets your nowhere fast. So stay away from that negative place and focus on the future, your positive future.

Don’t pretend your fine, be true to yourself and your emotions, if you need to cry, let it all out, it’s essential to feel your emotions and go through each to reach the road to recovery.

Do not seek revenge, your angry, feels vulnerable and sad, seeking revenge seems natural, but it’s not going to have any positive end results, I promise you that, so stick away from the revenge and seek peace instead.

Don’t repeat mistakes, don’t keep your ex in your life, things change for a reason, and it’s better to leave the past in the past, it got there for a reason.

Do not self destruct, your upset and it’s understandable but don’t go down the road of self destruction, in the end the only one suffering is you, so do the opposite focus on you, what makes your happy and do you.

Do not isolate yourself, you may feel like becoming a hermit, but it’s not going to help with the healing process, so do the opposite, surround yourself with a great support system, keep your self busy and happy.

Lastly, don’t move on to quickly, take time to your self, creating your own happiness, and again patience is key. It takes time, and as long as the essentials of your well being are practiced things will get easier, and although at first it’s hard to believe, with time all wounds will heal.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Job Stress and Mental Illness


Does job stress affect your mental health? I would have to say, most definitely. Job stress can affect you emotionally and mentally. Job stress can affect your home life, relationships, sleep patterns and self care. Luckily there are ways to help lower job stress.

Sleep sleep sleep, sleep is key. Getting enough rest when being under workplace pressure can help regulate emotional balance, so ensure your getting a good nights rest each evening.

Healthy eating habits are also essential to lowering your job related stress and the way it affects you. At times, the stress can become heightened and affect our eating patterns, so ensure to eat your three meals a day and take good care of your body, exercise and good eating habits are key.

Priorities tasks at work can also be helpful to organize thoughts and materials. Take the time to make a list and organize what’s a priority to help create structure and lower stress levels. It’s said that writing lists down, give you a 40% higher chance of completing the tasks, so get that notepad out.

Time is key. When we’re running late we are more likely to become stressed more often. So take an extra 15 minutes in the morning to leave early and give yourself time, to avoid feeling rushed and stressed.

Self-care!! Do what makes you happy, take time for yourself and surround yourself with happy, positive friends and family. Keep a gratitude journal and complete it every evening, ensuring to ground yourself.

Mindfulness, slow it all down, focus on the here and now and remember that this to shall pass.

At the end of each day disconnect from work life and enjoy the quality time with friends, family and pets.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

How To Deal With The Stress During The Holidays


As the holidays arise we feel numerous different emotions in Westchester NY. Happiness, sadness, stress and perhaps even overwhelmed.

When it’s that time of year you may feel a sense of hope, rebirth, positivity and warmth. However, this can also involve feelings of stress due to all the tasks that revolve around holiday time. Whether it be family stress, shopping, missing loved ones that have moved on; it’s true the holidays can bring about stress. So how do we deal with stress around the holidays in NY?

First, healthy coping skills are essential for dealing with holiday stress. Acknowledge your feelings and validate them. Than, practice your healthy coping skills and good self care. Practice compassion for yourself and for others. Take it slow and remember to breathe.

Create a plan for a budget, if financial stress is a component around the holidays. Plan a head and don’t over spend, remember the holidays is about love, family and friends, not about the gifts.

Reach out to friends and family when feeling lonely. Some individuals may feel a sense of loss during the holidays and it’s important to reach out and talk about your emotions. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and talk about the way you feel.

Family stress is another possible stressor around the holidays. Could it be your in laws? Or your parents? Remember don’t take on there emotions, validate your own and separation is key. Practice mindful meditation and focus on the here and now.

Practice positive self talk and reassuring self talk to boost positivity and eliminate negative thoughts.

If the holiday stress is missing a loved one whom has passed on, focus on the beauty and the memories that you have with that person. Remember our memories are sacred and always our personal recollections of loved ones. Talk about the person, and relate these feelings to your support systems to help validate the way you feel.

Professional help may be needed, Psychotherapy and counseling can be extremely helpful. If so reach out to a local therapist to seek help, remember we are here help and want to be apart of your journey to wellness.

Through the hustle of the holidays, be true to the meaning of the holidays, spending time with love ones, feeling grateful and surrounding yourself with positivity.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D