relationships

Mother’s Day 2022

Mother’s Day

Colette Lopane-Capella therapist Westchester, NY mother's day

May 2022
By Colette

 

What a strange day for me. Even today, I’m not 100% how I feel about it. It use to be the pain, the sadness, the ill feeling that creeped up every year when the Mother’s Day decor started coming out, the painful reminder that my beautiful mother left this physical earth way to early. Followed by the happiness and gratitude of how lucky I was to have her, even for the short period I did. Followed by my Nanny, wow my nanny. The women that stood up to take on a job that now as a mother I can’t even envision, with such strength, such grace, such compassion, even after losing her own daughter she did it all. These two women shaped me in every single form. So the mesh of those emotions was what I felt for years. Many years. Then I became a therapist and an advocate for women, for mothers, the truest forms of warriors and I felt this over whelming emotion again to honor them; to thank them, to see them, all the warrior mothers around me. Today I am one, today I’m part of that very sacred tribe and I feel gratitude, I feel true honor. I’m grateful to my work and especially my boys for making this day easier, for making it joyful, for making it special as for so many years it was the pain. Although I do feel the pain, the magic of love of my boys helps ease it some. So cheers to the multitude of emotions I feel and validate today and the immense gratitude and love I have around me. My boys in every shape and form healed me, they made me whole again and to them I’m forever grateful, they chose me and that’s the greatest honor of my life.  Wishing a very special Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. And to my two very own super hero’s in heaven, thank you, truly thank you because without you two strong, powerful women, I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t be a mother. Thank you for the greatest gift of my life.

To each, please honor however you feel today, whatever emotion it is, honor that.

With a very grateful heart, a mother.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

How to Feel Less Anxious About The Future, Relationships And Finances

Are you feeling anxious or worried about your future, a relationship or finances? Is it keeping you up at night? Or is it affecting you every day life, your interpersonal relationships?

You’re not alone; one of the major worries in individual’s lives involves one of these aspects in many instances. Here in this blog let’s discuss some ways to support and lower your stress level.

 

Mindfulness to Reduce Anxiety

Mindfulness is one way for someone to lower stress levels. Mindfulness shifts perspective to what is going on in the current moment and less emphasis in the past or to the future. By becoming more present one is able to slow down racing thoughts and soften anxiety.

Mindfulness reduces stress as well as builds resilience with our responses to stressors. Check out Colette’s podcast on apple podcast today to try out some mindfulness mediations, newdayvitalitytherapy.com. Start somewhere, start here, and start today.

 

You Have the Ability to Be Empowered and Happy

You have the capability to feel less anxious and be empowered as well as happy by starting to ask yourself the question, what do I need? What can I give myself today? By practicing self- compassion and self- awareness we begin to seek our internal needs and in hand empower ourselves to live happier more fulfilled lives.

I encourage beginning to ask your self the magic question each day, what do I need today? And throughout the day checking in on how you can fulfill that need.

 

How Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Anxious, Calm and In Control

Therapy can help lower stress levels and put you back in the drivers seat, in control. Therapists are trained on ways to help build clients toolbox of support and resources to feel more regulated, grounded and centered.

If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety reach out to our team today, we are honored to support you and be apart of your journey, newdayvitalitytherapy.com.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Why So Many People are Not Merry and Bright Around the Holidays & it’s ok

Expectations, finances and sadness are high around the holidays for many and yet such a large group of people going through these emotions feel outcasted and misunderstood, making them feel more alone and disconnected. Let’s go through each aspect of turbulence that people may feel during the holidays.

Expectations: we are expected to be jolly, merry, bright and cheerful when truth be told we may hate our job, may be suffering from depression or still struggling to develop a self-love relationship with ourselves. December will not take away any struggles we have been dealing with for the other 11 months of the year and it is foolish to think otherwise. How are we expected to give so much to others at this time when we have not yet adequately discovered how to give to ourselves? Society is expecting our whole mindset to change in a snap and it is just not possible.

Finances: without being said, so much money is spent during this time, which first and foremost is bitter as it takes away from the point of the season: togetherness, love and appreciation. We chuck out big cash for emotional reward. Coming back to expectations, we spend all this money and put in so much effort to get someone a gift and we are returned with a simple” thank you” (or better yet to discover they returned it) …the emotional reward does not pair up to our mental effort, making us feel the effort was pointless and disappointing.

Sadness: accompanied by grief is common during the holidays. We reflect back on our childhood and are haunted by the fact that many of our loved ones are no longer here, making a time that was once special for us feel lonely and emotional. It may be difficult for us to appreciate the family and friends we do currently have in our life because we are a little extra focused on those who we no longer have at this time.

In case no one has told you: all these feelings and the 100 others you may be feeling right now are okay. I will repeat: these feelings you have are okay. Put a label and a name to your emotion, notice where it is rooted from. Rather than keep these thoughts to yourself, talk about these negative emotions because THAT is what will make you feel more connected to others at this time. You may assume the person on the other end will not “get” you, but you are likely to be surprised that they have similar feelings and having the conversation will draw you closer and more at peace: which is exactly what the holidays are meant to do for relationships to start with.

If you or a love one is having a difficult time around the holidays reach out to our staff today, we are honored to be apart of your journey. Psychotherapy and Counseling serving Westchester NY

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

National Coming Out Day – A Queer Cis-Female Therapist’s thoughts

October 11 th is National Coming Out Day. Coming out is an extremely sensitive, brave, and ongoing decision one makes to be their most authentic self.

I came out approximately 10/11 years ago. I felt all the feelings one would feel; shame, fear, anger (towards self), and hopelessness. I had to come out to myself first, by acknowledging and accepting this is who I was, then to my immediate friends and family, and then to the world. I also continue to make this choice every day by being myself in the world.

Coming out is not always safe for everyone, I was lucky in my case it was. I had a support system that made an effort to listen and understand, without judgment. Funny thing is I still sometimes find this hard to do for myself.

Why is it important that I write this, identifying myself as a queer cis-female therapist? When we’re in the process of exploring our sexuality/identity, all we can think about is how much our loved ones and the world is going to reject us, judge us, be disgusted by us, and cast us out. Yes, I felt this way about therapists too. As much as we like to think we’re the least judgmental, we are ALL born with biases. When I made the choice to enter the social work field, I made a promise to myself that I would not lose who I was in the process, or ever. I’ve walked out of therapy sessions where I felt there wasn’t genuine care/concern in the therapeutic alliance. In order for you to show me who you are, you need to know a little bit of who I am. How can I ask someone to be vulnerable with me, without identifying my vulnerability, the vulnerability we all experience as humans.

I say this to say, I care about you, I welcome you, I embrace you, I do not see you as “wrong”. I do not judge you, I accept you, I AFFIRM you, and all of you.

I was born 31 years ago, but sometimes I feel like my story didn’t start until I was 22. Fast forward to today and I am currently happy in a relationship with a woman. I understand now that I am constantly given a choice to continue to live by my values or against them. I value authenticity, I value honesty, and I value connection. And the truth is, living by my values means more to me than the risk of being rejected when it comes to my life. I knew that the fear of staying the same was greater than the fear of change. I knew when I became older and had less time, I would look back and wish I gave this one shot at life all I got, as who I am. I couldn’t experience any of these values if I shut out parts of myself to myself and the world.

I am still learning how to be comfortable with myself in a world that wants to continue to send me messages that who I am is wrong, disgusting, and abnormal. I still look around in public places for safety before I kiss or hold my girlfriend’s hand. I still feel the pit in my stomach as I share a public display of affection and know my friends/family are watching. Coming out is not just a one-time thing. Its not just on National Coming Out Day. It’s a decision I make every single day and will make for the rest of my life.

This is my story, it’s time to start yours. Whatever you decide to do, please know that I see you, I am here, and I am ready to support you through your journey.

 

https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella