relationships

04
May
2023

How to let go/ release an ex


The break up. It’s not easy, it’s not comfortable, it hurts, it feels like it’s never ending and sometimes wanting to go back to our ex despite logically knowing the break up is what’s best for you. The emotional part of you still feels attached. Here’s steps on how to let go of your ex.

Cut off contact

It’s hard but it’s necessary, the answer is no you don’t need to be friends. You don’t need to text or call.

Delete them on social media

Delete them off all social media platforms. Following them and checking what they are up to is not healthy for your healing and release of your ex.

Let go of the fantasy

People often mourn the relationship they thought they could have. They remember all the good and forget about any of the negative. Remind yourself that the break up was necessary for your both if it was unhealthy and not working any longer.

Make peace with the past

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about letting your ex of the hook for there actions, it’s about your emotional freedom.

Know it’s ok to still love them

But know that love in itself is not what makes a healthy relationship. Love by itself is not enough to make a relationship work.

Love yourself more

Never expect someone else to treat you better then you treat yourself. You are the model for how you deserve to be treated. Love yourself more to know your worth and give yourself the gift of letting go of a relationship that no longer was working out.

Reach out to a therapist to support you on this journey.

New day vitality is honored to be apart of your journey. Click on the link below to connect with us.

Newdayvitalitytherapy.com

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella
20
Apr
2023

Healthy Boundaries


We all have heard about them. Some of us have practiced them. Sometimes they feel comfortable and necessary and sometimes they feel impossible to implement. Let’s jump in and talk about healthy boundaries.

What is a healthy boundary?

First let’s define healthy boundaries to get a better understanding of the meaning and concept.

According to divethru.com a healthy boundary can be defined as the following

Setting boundaries means drawing a clear line for what people can and can’t say or do to you so that you don’t get taken advantage of. They’re like an instruction manual for your body and mind, with an extra little “handle with care” section on the first page. You use boundaries to make your own personal growth a priority, improve relationships and conserve emotional energy! Setting healthy boundaries means that you, your values for other people. You stand by your values and, in turn, respect other people’s boundaries. But, it is good to keep your boundaries flexible, because they may change over time if you decide to step out of your comfort zone. Healthy boundaries are in contrast to rigid boundaries where you tend to avoid intimacy and come off as detached. And, porous boundaries, which involve oversharing personal information and having trouble saying “no.’ But it’s totally normal to sometimes take on qualities from all of the above!

So now that we have defined healthy boundaries let’s discuss the different boundaries.

Types of boundaries

  • Personal Space: also known as your “bubble.”
  • Physical: what you like and don’t like in bed or with casual contact.
  • Emotional: your level of comfort with sharing what’s on your mind.
  • Material: how much you are willing to share certain things or possessions.
  • Time And Energy: how much you are comfortable giving to something or someone.
  • Intellectual: the topics you are and aren’t open to talking about (like politics).

Why are boundaries important?

Healthy boundaries are necessary components for self-care. Without boundaries, we feel depleted, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or intruded upon. Whether it’s in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries may lead to resentment, hurt, anger, and burnout. As explained in https://www.theresiliencecentre.com.au/boundaries-why-are-they-important/

Examples of ways to practice healthy boundaries

Saying no

Listening to your body

Doing what is in the best interest of you

Walking away from uncomfortable environments

Do self reflection

Make small steps and grow

Be consistent with boundaries

void social media

Be your biggest advocate and supporter

It might take some time and consideration to explore and decide the boundaries most important to you and the best ways to implement them, but your mental health will appreciate the effort in the long run. Begin to implement healthy boundaries in your life today, it’s necessary. Learn more: https://clopanetherapy.com/individual-therapy/.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella
21
Nov
2022

Tips on getting through the holidays when it feels like to much


 

So the holidays are coming up, how exciting?
But also stressful and to some not exciting at all.
The holidays can elicit a range of emotions for many, even weeks leading up.

Most importantly for holiday stress:

Honor your feelings and practice self-love, kindness, boundaries and patience with you self. This sounds simple but can be extremely hard.
Here we have come up with some helpful mantras to help lower holiday stress:
Use the ones you feel drawn to
I will practice kindness
I will be patient with myself, friends and family
I will practice healthy boundaries
I will say no when I need to
I will let go of my expectations specially the very high ones
I will remember the meaning of the holiday, release society standards
I will show love to myself and those around me
I will take it one moment at a time
If I need space if I need distance I will honor that
I will be kind to myself each second of the day
I give myself permission to slow down when I need it
I will practice mindfulness
I will practice self love
We are all connected in this universe
I miss love ones and I will honor that
I will practice gratitude
I will honor my budget
If I need a boundary between family and friends I will practice it
I will give myself the gift of kindness today
Also check out these awesome mantras for holidays stress from https://www.tiffanynapper.com/blog/15-holiday-mantras

WHEN YOU ARE OVERWHELMED:

1. I have control over how I feel, and I choose to feel at peace.

2. I give myself permission to let go of what no longer serves me.

3. It will get done.

 

WHEN YOU ARE LONELY:

4. I can make space for loneliness and practice being kind to myself.

5. We are all connected after all.

6. Loneliness will always pass.

 

WHEN MONEY IS TIGHT:

7. I will always have enough.

8. Gratitude awakens the good in my life.

9. I give and receive with grace.

 

WHEN YOUR FAMILY STRESSES YOU OUT:

10. I open my heart and accept others as they are.

11. Stay present. Get grounded. I have nothing but love to give.

12. I choose uplifting encounters, and I have the power to remove myself from negative situations.

 

WHEN YOU ARE DOWN ON YOURSELF:

13. I am deserving and worthy of all good things.

14. I treat myself with love and respect.

15. I give myself permission to prioritize the things that bring me joy, creativity, and connection.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella
07
Jul
2022

The Tough Break Up


 

Breaking up is never easy. Even if your the one who broke up with your partner it doesn’t take away from the sadness of the significant chapter change.

I broke up with my partner, now what?

You broke up with your partner, you guys weren’t connecting anymore, you have different goals for your future or you just simply weren’t in love anymore, now what? So much time and energy was spent on this partner, where does that time go now?
First it’s important to focus on you. Focus on your healing from the split. Ask yourself the question, what do I need? Self care and self love should be your priority and doing things that bring you joy.

We broke up and now I feel lonely.

So you broke up and now feel lonely, what to do with your time?
Try first by doing things you enjoy, perhaps outings, hiking, even going to the broadway shows. If that doesn’t work, take on a new hobby, something that brings you interest and want to try. Get friends or family members involved as well, this way everyone can enjoy the new hobby.

I feel like I have no one to talk to after the break up.

Common, very common, often this is one the complaints someone will have directly after a break up. It’s important to utilize your support group, love ones who you can call and speak to. If you don’t find that connection there’s a bunch of online groups for others who are going through something similar. Joining a group can help to feel less alone and more validated.
Lastly if you are struggling after a break up and need professional support, reach out to a local psychotherapist. A therapist can help to support and guide you through the break up to a new found you and life.
If you or someone you know has recently had a break up and seeking support, give us a call today. We are honored to apart of the journey. Newdayvitalitytherapy.com
Check out this awesome mediation to help regulate emotions after a break up

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella
23
Jun
2022

How to Begin to Build Self-Esteem


 

4 Simple steps to start today to build your self-esteem and self-confidence:

Boosting Self-esteem

Set time aside for you.

It’s important to ensure that we are setting time to be with ourselves. Believe it or not alone time is an easy way to begin to build the bridge to strengthen self-esteem. I often encourage clients to schedule in every day ‘me time’. During that time, do something you enjoy, something that is for you, only you and makes you smile.

 

Write down goals and work towards them- grow, evolve your self-esteem

In order to build self-esteem we need to set goals for ourselves and then meet them. Begin by setting small, realistic tangible goals that you can meet and you will. Slowly grow that list to something bigger and reflect on how awesome you are on setting the intention to reach and then meeting the goal.

Do what makes you happy= higher self-esteem

Sounds simple huh? But isn’t always. We don’t always do what makes us happy, we often do things to make others happy. I encourage you to set a reminder one a week to do something for you that makes you and only you happy. It can be as simple as saying no to plans that your just not in the mood for to as complex as planning that grand vacation that you have wanted to do for years. Set the intentions, work towards the internal happiness and in hand build you self-esteem.

Be perfectly imperfect= better self-esteem

We often set such high expectations for ourselves. To be perfect, to do it all, to be it all. Well I challenge you to release and let go of all of that and just be you. Just showing up as yourself allows you to be the most authentic version of you, showing up perfectly imperfect. When we release all of the expectations we truly begin to trust and own our most desirable selves. Trust the process and just be you, perfectly imperfect.

Check out these awesome blogs that talks about more ways to build on your self-esteem today:

https://www.realbuzz.com/articles-interests/health/article/10-strange-tricks-to-boost-your-self-esteem/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098

https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html

https://youtu.be/yo1pJ_D-H3M

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella