couples counseling

How to let go/ release an ex


The break up. It’s not easy, it’s not comfortable, it hurts, it feels like it’s never ending and sometimes wanting to go back to our ex despite logically knowing the break up is what’s best for you. The emotional part of you still feels attached. Here’s steps on how to let go of your ex.


Cut off contact

It’s hard but it’s necessary, the answer is no you don’t need to be friends. You don’t need to text or call.


Delete them on social media

Delete them off all social media platforms. Following them and checking what they are up to is not healthy for your healing and release of your ex.


Let go of the fantasy

People often mourn the relationship they thought they could have. They remember all the good and forget about any of the negative. Remind yourself that the break up was necessary for your both if it was unhealthy and not working any longer.


Make peace with the past

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about letting your ex of the hook for there actions, it’s about your emotional freedom.


Know it’s ok to still love them

But know that love in itself is not what makes a healthy relationship. Love by itself is not enough to make a relationship work.



Love yourself more

Never expect someone else to treat you better then you treat yourself. You are the model for how you deserve to be treated. Love yourself more to know your worth and give yourself the gift of letting go of a relationship that no longer was working out.


Reach out to a therapist to support you on this journey.

New day vitality is honored to be apart of your journey. Click on the link below to connect with us.



Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

The Tough Break Up


Breaking up is never easy. Even if your the one who broke up with your partner it doesn’t take away from the sadness of the significant chapter change.

I broke up with my partner, now what?

You broke up with your partner, you guys weren’t connecting anymore, you have different goals for your future or you just simply weren’t in love anymore, now what? So much time and energy was spent on this partner, where does that time go now?
First it’s important to focus on you. Focus on your healing from the split. Ask yourself the question, what do I need? Self care and self love should be your priority and doing things that bring you joy.

We broke up and now I feel lonely.

So you broke up and now feel lonely, what to do with your time?
Try first by doing things you enjoy, perhaps outings, hiking, even going to the broadway shows. If that doesn’t work, take on a new hobby, something that brings you interest and want to try. Get friends or family members involved as well, this way everyone can enjoy the new hobby.

I feel like I have no one to talk to after the break up.

Common, very common, often this is one the complaints someone will have directly after a break up. It’s important to utilize your support group, love ones who you can call and speak to. If you don’t find that connection there’s a bunch of online groups for others who are going through something similar. Joining a group can help to feel less alone and more validated.
Lastly if you are struggling after a break up and need professional support, reach out to a local psychotherapist. A therapist can help to support and guide you through the break up to a new found you and life.
If you or someone you know has recently had a break up and seeking support, give us a call today. We are honored to apart of the journey.
Check out this awesome mediation to help regulate emotions after a break up


Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Couples: 5 Relationship repair tips for cracks in your connection

Whether you have been together for years or just a couple of months you will have points in your relationship where you feel the connection has dwindled a bit. You may feel your putting in too much effort and your partner has become aloof and absent. Perhaps, you feel you two are at a standstill and the relationship isn’t progressing or maybe you feel you two are on different pages, that your lifestyles don’t match up anymore. Regardless of what the reason for the disconnection is, if the relationship is important to you there are always tricks of the handle to try and resurface a strong connection.

1. Discover your (and your partners) love language

Are you someone whose love language is words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Knowing your love language is important and will help you communicate with your partner what makes you feel appreciated and closer to someone. Knowing your partners love language is equally as important because you want to be providing your partner with actions that matter to them and that take the guesswork out of what they are needing from you.

2. Take space

No, this does not mean going on a break! Taking space simply means taking a step back from the situation. Your disconnection with your partner may be such a constant trail of thoughts on your mind that you may need to step back and reconnect with yourself first. Sometimes we allow our thoughts to get ahead of us and we will make a mountain out of a molehill. There could be a chance the disconnection you are feeling about your relationship is actually not as major as your negative thoughts have allowed you to believe. Your partner may not be even feeling the crack! So ask yourself, “Is this situation really that big of a deal, or is it all in my head?”

3. Bring it back to the beginning

There is a theory that if you bring yourself to the spot where your love was at its strongest, the feelings you had there will return. Where was the date you two felt in total contentment and deep connection? Where you felt you two were at your best? Go back to that spot. Being at this spot may re-spark your initial feelings and allow you to remember what your bond felt like before.

4. Go get some cocktails together

Sounds like a first date, right? How long has it been since you heard from someone your interested in, “Hey, want to meet up for some drinks?”….probably too long! Go to one of your favorite restaurants together, put the phone away and act like this is your first night out on the town together! Having fun can be easily forgotten with all the noise. This can also be done COVID style by bringing the cocktails at home. Have a cocktail-making night; most grocery stores have delicious kits and mixes to make right at home.

5. Just ask

If you feel there is a disconnection in your relationship and you are not liking it, just straight up ask your partner if anything is wrong or if they have been feeling the same way lately. This is probably the scariest and most serious option out of them all, but probably the one that will give you the most clarity and answers to your concern(s). Lay out on the table what has been bothering you and what you have been feeling lately. Write it down beforehand if you want; sometimes the most intimidating conversations are the ones that are the most necessary.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Unconditional love is life’s most powerful healer, spread it like a wildfire now

I wouldn’t change you for the world, but I would change the world for you. I never thought in a million years this would be the world my son would grow up in. The pain, the injustice, the suffering. Today as a community, we need to all do better, it takes a village and our children deserve better. I pledge to give everything I have, work harder every day to do my part in healing this world we live in. I do believe we can heal, but it takes the entire tribe. Unconditional love is life’s most powerful healer, spread it like a wildfire now, right now.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella