couples counseling

Couple in Quarantine


In the interview below I share some pointers for couples during quarantine, and other mental health resources. Be well, be safe, be easy my friends 👫¸


Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

You’re Not Really Into Him


When dating someone, you can be pretty sure if he is into you or not, right? All those big and small signs of someone’s affection are hard to miss. Or the lack of those signs – you simply know when someone is not investing in your relationship as much as you have expected. But, can you as easily recognize whether or not you are into him? Check out the signs below to help you decide.

1. You are not “dying” to See Him

At first, you were super excited to see your boyfriend. You would get all fidgety before thedate, and couldn’t wait to spend the evening with him. However, thereare nobutterflies in your stomach when you are with him anymore. Your enthusiasm somehow vanished already and now you’re neutral when he asks youon a date. A sure sign that you’re not really into him.

2. You are Making Plans without Him

You’ve made an exciting plan to visit Europe next summer. You already have an itinerary, all those exciting places you are going to visit and the things you plan to do…You can’t wait tostart packing your bags! You simply know you and your best friend will have a vacay of a lifetime.

Ups… your best friend? Let’s be honest… a lack of desire to do things together doesn’t look promising- making plans without your boyfriend obviously means that you’re not really into him. In addition, if you catch yourself daydreaming about freedom and singleness, you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend and give yourself some time on your own.

3. You don’t like Being Alone with Him Anymore

You might have been inseparable at the very beginning of your relationship. Yet, these days you find the company of your friends much more enjoyable. Even the time spent alone seems more appealing. If you look forward to nights out with your friends more than your dates with him, this might be a sure sign that it is time to move on.

4. You Lose Your Temper Easily

It is totally normal to argue with your partner. Everyone fights from time to time. However, if your arguments happen daily and you find that you cannot have a conversation without raging at your boyfriend, it may be time to think about your feelings and the real issues behind those everyday fights that you are most likely avoiding to address.

5. You have Other Priorities

Do you rather choose to stay at home and watch a movie than go out with your boyfriend? You often stay at your office longer than you actually need and then excuse yourself that you are too tired to see him? When you start choosing your friends, family, or work over your partner, ask yourself if you’re really into him. If he is not an important part of your life, why bother?

6. You Think You Can Do Better Than Him

You don’t approve of his choice of friends, don’t respect his career, or you don’t like his family? Do you constantly have a feeling that you can do better? Cause if you do, save yourself the trouble and consider moving on with your life.

7. You no Longer have Sexual Desire

There is a lack of passion and interest in sex with your partner. You simply don’t feel sexual towards him anymore. At the same time, you catch yourself fantasizing about your colleague… Not a good sign. And definitely, a red flag that you don’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore.

8. You Don’t Miss Him

When he is not around, you hardly think about your boyfriend. Moreover, you can go days without seeing him and be just fine about that. Not missing your boyfriend after days or weeks without seeing him is a sure sign that you are just not feeling him.

9. You have no Respect for Him

Being in love is an awesome feeling. Passion, desire, great sex…all of it counts. However, respect is vital for a good, fulfilling relationship. A relationship without respect never lasts long, no matter how attracted to him you might feel. When partners don’t respect each other, they are not open about their feelings and they don’t care what the other side wants, needs, or feels. Not promising. If you don’t think highly of your boyfriend or he embarrasses you, you obviously don’t like him as much as you thought.

10. You are Hesitant about Your Relationship’s Future

You are just not sure whether he is right for you or not. You are terrified even thinking of meeting his family and can’t help thinking that your relationship is progressing a bit too fast. If you don’t feel like nurturing your relationship and putting any effort to strengthen your bond, you need to admit it – you’re not really into him.


Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Relationship Building


How can we build on our relationships with our significant others?

Communication is key for any relationship; When communication isn’t clear things begin to take a negative route. Communicating simply means developing healthy communication skills, not just hearing what the other person is saying but understanding the message the other person is trying to get across. Take the time to listen, understand and reflect on your significant others feelings.

Trust is another key component in building a stable long-lasting relationship. Ways to develop trust involve being reliable, telling the truth, and meaning what you say. Trust means openness, don’t keep secrets, honesty is always the best policy.

Be honest, be open and the relationship will grow from there.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Break up Drama (The do’s and do not’s after a break up)


The do’s and do not’s after a break up

We all have been there and know that a break up can significantly upset your entire world. For whatever reason the break up may have occurred it still hurts, a lot. How we react and respond significantly affects the way we feel. Some say ok, it’s time to figure out what’s going on with my ex, checking there social media pages, talking to there friends, finding out the “scoop”, but does that really help? Does that make you feel any better, when really asking yourself that question the answer is probably no, so let’s change it up. What can we do to help relive the pain and stress involved with a break up? The list below I’ve created as healthy tips on ways to work through the emotions surrounding a break up, the do’s and do not’s.

First, and foremost is self care, do self-care: taking care of your self is essential when you’re going through a tough time. Whether it’s getting a manicure or massage or eating and sleeping well, its all self-care and essential to your wellbeing.

Next, surround yourself with good friends and family, a great support system is essential when you’re experiencing being in this vulnerable place.

How about practicing some healthy coping skills? It’s essential to your wellbeing and recovery.

Journal journal journal, journaling your emotions can really help to speak to your inner emotions and allow yourself to express your emotions in a healthy manner.

Exercise!!! Get out, walk around, take a class, go to the gym, and increase the endorphins.

Challenging your negative thoughts can also be very helpful to your recovery, challenge this negative thoughts and work towards positive thinking, one step at a time.

Mindfulness, is also extremely helpful, focus on the here and now, takes it slow, one day at a time and is kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Be patient, a break up is like mourning and the grievance process can take time to feeling back to your self.

Now we discussed the do’s, what are the do not’s?

Do not talk to your ex’s friends or follow there social media’s this is only a recipe for disaster.

Do not talk shit about your ex to his friends and family, your feeling angry and upset and it’s understandable, but having these conversations only draws you into a darker place.

Don’t blame!! Blaming becomes a big part of the unanswered questions after a break, but the blame game gets your nowhere fast. So stay away from that negative place and focus on the future, your positive future.

Don’t pretend your fine, be true to yourself and your emotions, if you need to cry, let it all out, it’s essential to feel your emotions and go through each to reach the road to recovery.

Do not seek revenge, your angry, feels vulnerable and sad, seeking revenge seems natural, but it’s not going to have any positive end results, I promise you that, so stick away from the revenge and seek peace instead.

Don’t repeat mistakes, don’t keep your ex in your life, things change for a reason, and it’s better to leave the past in the past, it got there for a reason.

Do not self destruct, your upset and it’s understandable but don’t go down the road of self destruction, in the end the only one suffering is you, so do the opposite focus on you, what makes your happy and do you.

Do not isolate yourself, you may feel like becoming a hermit, but it’s not going to help with the healing process, so do the opposite, surround yourself with a great support system, keep your self busy and happy.

Lastly, don’t move on to quickly, take time to your self, creating your own happiness, and again patience is key. It takes time, and as long as the essentials of your well being are practiced things will get easier, and although at first it’s hard to believe, with time all wounds will heal.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Things you should share or have in common with your significant other


Opposites attract right? The cliche statement for all couples, however there is some aspects that you should have in common with your partner.

In order to have a successful relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to have all aspects in common but having similar beliefs on many can be extremely helpful for the couple.

Check out the list below:

1. Trust, trust is essential for successful relationships, trust builds a secure bond and mutual respect.

2. That brings in the next aspect, respect, having mutual respect from one another makes the difference between a healthy relationship vs. an unhealthy relationship.

3. Similar interests, when it comes to foods, movies, etc. This is important as your going to being having most of your meals together, thus having a common liking is important. Similar movies and interests also allows you to enjoy things you like together as a couple.

4. You’re a team. Being a collaborative team allows you and your partner to love one another, support one another and have one another to achieve goals together.

5. Communication is key, your communication should be effective and so should your partners in order to promote healthy communication between the two.

6. Listening skills and empathy is another key element for successful relationships and partners to have in common.

7. Life/Future goals need to be similar, do you want kids? Do you want to purchase a home? Having similar life goals, allows for couple to feel motivated and inspired with their partner to obtain them.

8. Family boundaries, essential!! Having similar family boundaries is so important to have in common with your partner to avoid unnecessary disagreements and to live harmoniously with family.

9. Finances, finance expectations need to be similar, so that both partners understand the financial plan that both have independently and can bring together cohesively for the relationship.

10. Expectations, what is one another expectations on the relationship, on life? Having similar, common expectations allows couples to flourish and succeed.

11. Express appreciation, both partners need to feel validate and appreciated, this makes the difference between a successful couple vs. unsuccessful couple, give compliments, appreciate the love you two have together.

12. Values need to be similar, often I encourage my engaged couples to have these conversations to ensure that their core values and morals match up.

13. Hobbies, similar hobbies is wonderful for couples to have in common, it allows the couple to enjoy the things they love to do together.

14. Chores, successful couples have a clear structure of chores and how to share the roles.

15. Don’t hold grudges, learn to forgive and grow and develop together.

16. Accept one another, differences, good, bad and all, love unconditionally always.


Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella