therapist

07
Jul
2022

The Tough Break Up


 

Breaking up is never easy. Even if your the one who broke up with your partner it doesn’t take away from the sadness of the significant chapter change.

I broke up with my partner, now what?

You broke up with your partner, you guys weren’t connecting anymore, you have different goals for your future or you just simply weren’t in love anymore, now what? So much time and energy was spent on this partner, where does that time go now?
First it’s important to focus on you. Focus on your healing from the split. Ask yourself the question, what do I need? Self care and self love should be your priority and doing things that bring you joy.

We broke up and now I feel lonely.

So you broke up and now feel lonely, what to do with your time?
Try first by doing things you enjoy, perhaps outings, hiking, even going to the broadway shows. If that doesn’t work, take on a new hobby, something that brings you interest and want to try. Get friends or family members involved as well, this way everyone can enjoy the new hobby.

I feel like I have no one to talk to after the break up.

Common, very common, often this is one the complaints someone will have directly after a break up. It’s important to utilize your support group, love ones who you can call and speak to. If you don’t find that connection there’s a bunch of online groups for others who are going through something similar. Joining a group can help to feel less alone and more validated.
Lastly if you are struggling after a break up and need professional support, reach out to a local psychotherapist. A therapist can help to support and guide you through the break up to a new found you and life.
If you or someone you know has recently had a break up and seeking support, give us a call today. We are honored to apart of the journey. Newdayvitalitytherapy.com
Check out this awesome mediation to help regulate emotions after a break up

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
23
Jun
2022

How to Begin to Build Self-Esteem

 

 

4 Simple steps to start today to build your self-esteem and self-confidence:

Boosting Self-esteem

Set time aside for you.

It’s important to ensure that we are setting time to be with ourselves. Believe it or not alone time is an easy way to begin to build the bridge to strengthen self-esteem. I often encourage clients to schedule in every day ‘me time’. During that time, do something you enjoy, something that is for you, only you and makes you smile.

 

Write down goals and work towards them- grow, evolve your self-esteem

In order to build self-esteem we need to set goals for ourselves and then meet them. Begin by setting small, realistic tangible goals that you can meet and you will. Slowly grow that list to something bigger and reflect on how awesome you are on setting the intention to reach and then meeting the goal.

Do what makes you happy= higher self-esteem

Sounds simple huh? But isn’t always. We don’t always do what makes us happy, we often do things to make others happy. I encourage you to set a reminder one a week to do something for you that makes you and only you happy. It can be as simple as saying no to plans that your just not in the mood for to as complex as planning that grand vacation that you have wanted to do for years. Set the intentions, work towards the internal happiness and in hand build you self-esteem.

Be perfectly imperfect= better self-esteem

We often set such high expectations for ourselves. To be perfect, to do it all, to be it all. Well I challenge you to release and let go of all of that and just be you. Just showing up as yourself allows you to be the most authentic version of you, showing up perfectly imperfect. When we release all of the expectations we truly begin to trust and own our most desirable selves. Trust the process and just be you, perfectly imperfect.

Check out these awesome blogs that talks about more ways to build on your self-esteem today:

https://www.realbuzz.com/articles-interests/health/article/10-strange-tricks-to-boost-your-self-esteem/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098

https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
08
Jun
2022

How to Keep Your Cool When Feeling Triggered?


 

How to keep your cool when feeling triggered by another person?

Fight, flight, and freeze during anger

So we have all been there, anger is an emotion everyone experiences. Here’s an interesting fact, anger is a secondary emotion, and the primary emotion is typically something more similar to sadness, disappointment. Then why do we experience it? Its because anger is a more tangible easier response then the primary emotion. Particularly when we feel triggered by another person, perhaps even a loved one. It may elicit feelings of vulnerability, exposure and even trapped. Lets talk about some ways to cool down when feeling triggered by another person.

 

Feeling angry, don’t want to say anything I may regret

So you feel triggered, upset, seeing red, may say something to a love one you might regret. How do you slow it down? First, if your able to walk away, take a moment to yourself it can literally be the most helpful couple of minutes. Simply excuse yourself from the environment or situation to give your mind and body the opportunity to calm down and regulate. When you feel ready you can return to the conversation and environment.

 

Visualization for anger

Visualization can be very helpful to calm down. Close your eyes and envision yourself in your favorite place, stay there for a couple minutes until you feel ready to return to the conversation. Try this visualization exercise out, https://youtu.be/G1bxxiiXc48

 

The count down for anger

Counting from 1-10 is an easy way to separate yourself mentally in a heighten situation. It’s simple yet very regulating.

 

Talk to a friend

Sometimes reaching out to a trustful, safe love one to talk about your experience can help calm heighten emotions, you also can gain support.

 

Slow down and focus on you breathe, become mindful

Lastly, breathing exercises can help regulate your system when feeling triggered. Take a couple minutes to slow down your breathing, focus on your breathe and re- regulate.

 

Talk to your therapist

Therapy is a great way to learn how to manage and regulate your emotions when you’ve been triggered or even before you’ve been triggered by another person.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
25
May
2022

3 Ways to Slow Down and Be More Mindful


 

3 Ways to Slow Down and Become More Presently Mindful

Go go go

Society has conditioned us to always be on the move. To do more, be more, take on more. But guess what? It’s not realistic; it’s not sustainable. In fact it’s what causes heightened anxiety, stress and depression. So how do we unplug and reset? How do we let go of this unrealistic expectations and begin to be more mindful and live in the present moment? In this blog you will learn about three simple ways to begin that change today. To live in the present moment and enjoy the little moments, because in the long run, the little moments become the big ones. Choose mindfulness my friend.

Slow down, breathe in.

Breathing exercises and meditation is a simply way to begin to have your physical body become more present in the moment and slow down. I often encourage clients to use diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing exercises. Below is a a great video showing how to begin this exercise today.

https://www.physio-pedia.com/Diaphragmatic_Breathing_Exercises

Take a Break from Social Media

Have you ever caught your self aimlessly scrolling through social media? In fact many individuals reports hours passing by prior to even noticing. Here’s the thing while your aimlessly scrolling your brain is taking in so much, expectations, comparisons and even negative cognitions. We begin to complete remove ourselves from the present moment and become emerged in social media, the opposite of being present. I encourage you to take a week cleanse away from social media. Seriously, set a date and for an entire week no social media at all. If this feels too hard, try to set time limits. You will begin to notice and see the difference in your awareness and regulation of your mind, body and soul.

Mindfulness Walks

One of my favorite mindfulness exercises is mindfulness walks. Simply yet so encouraging and relaxing. Each day, weather permitting, I encourage you to take a walk, different than any other you ever did. This time be use your 5 senses to really take in all that’s around you. Breathe in the fresh air, notice the texture on the leaves. If you have family or friends with you on the walk ask them to also take part in this exercise. You will almost immediately feel your nervous system slowing down and become more calm.
Life is dance, mindfulness is being a part of the dance, dance my friends, dance.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
09
May
2022

Mother’s Day 2022

 

 

Mother’s Day

A woman and two women holding a baby.

May 2022
By Colette

 

What a strange day for me. Even today, I’m not 100% how I feel about it. It use to be the pain, the sadness, the ill feeling that creeped up every year when the Mother’s Day decor started coming out, the painful reminder that my beautiful mother left this physical earth way to early. Followed by the happiness and gratitude of how lucky I was to have her, even for the short period I did. Followed by my Nanny, wow my nanny. The women that stood up to take on a job that now as a mother I can’t even envision, with such strength, such grace, such compassion, even after losing her own daughter she did it all. These two women shaped me in every single form. So the mesh of those emotions was what I felt for years. Many years. Then I became a therapist and an advocate for women, for mothers, the truest forms of warriors and I felt this over whelming emotion again to honor them; to thank them, to see them, all the warrior mothers around me. Today I am one, today I’m part of that very sacred tribe and I feel gratitude, I feel true honor. I’m grateful to my work and especially my boys for making this day easier, for making it joyful, for making it special as for so many years it was the pain. Although I do feel the pain, the magic of love of my boys helps ease it some. So cheers to the multitude of emotions I feel and validate today and the immense gratitude and love I have around me. My boys in every shape and form healed me, they made me whole again and to them I’m forever grateful, they chose me and that’s the greatest honor of my life. Wishing a very special Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. And to my two very own super hero’s in heaven, thank you, truly thank you because without you two strong, powerful women, I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t be a mother. Thank you for the greatest gift of my life.

To each, please honor however you feel today, whatever emotion it is, honor that.

With a very grateful heart, a mother.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D