therapist

Mother’s Day 2022

Mother’s Day

Colette Lopane-Capella therapist Westchester, NY mother's day

May 2022
By Colette

 

What a strange day for me. Even today, I’m not 100% how I feel about it. It use to be the pain, the sadness, the ill feeling that creeped up every year when the Mother’s Day decor started coming out, the painful reminder that my beautiful mother left this physical earth way to early. Followed by the happiness and gratitude of how lucky I was to have her, even for the short period I did. Followed by my Nanny, wow my nanny. The women that stood up to take on a job that now as a mother I can’t even envision, with such strength, such grace, such compassion, even after losing her own daughter she did it all. These two women shaped me in every single form. So the mesh of those emotions was what I felt for years. Many years. Then I became a therapist and an advocate for women, for mothers, the truest forms of warriors and I felt this over whelming emotion again to honor them; to thank them, to see them, all the warrior mothers around me. Today I am one, today I’m part of that very sacred tribe and I feel gratitude, I feel true honor. I’m grateful to my work and especially my boys for making this day easier, for making it joyful, for making it special as for so many years it was the pain. Although I do feel the pain, the magic of love of my boys helps ease it some. So cheers to the multitude of emotions I feel and validate today and the immense gratitude and love I have around me. My boys in every shape and form healed me, they made me whole again and to them I’m forever grateful, they chose me and that’s the greatest honor of my life.  Wishing a very special Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. And to my two very own super hero’s in heaven, thank you, truly thank you because without you two strong, powerful women, I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t be a mother. Thank you for the greatest gift of my life.

To each, please honor however you feel today, whatever emotion it is, honor that.

With a very grateful heart, a mother.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

How to Feel Less Anxious About The Future, Relationships And Finances

Are you feeling anxious or worried about your future, a relationship or finances? Is it keeping you up at night? Or is it affecting you every day life, your interpersonal relationships?

You’re not alone; one of the major worries in individual’s lives involves one of these aspects in many instances. Here in this blog let’s discuss some ways to support and lower your stress level.

 

Mindfulness to Reduce Anxiety

Mindfulness is one way for someone to lower stress levels. Mindfulness shifts perspective to what is going on in the current moment and less emphasis in the past or to the future. By becoming more present one is able to slow down racing thoughts and soften anxiety.

Mindfulness reduces stress as well as builds resilience with our responses to stressors. Check out Colette’s podcast on apple podcast today to try out some mindfulness mediations, newdayvitalitytherapy.com. Start somewhere, start here, and start today.

 

You Have the Ability to Be Empowered and Happy

You have the capability to feel less anxious and be empowered as well as happy by starting to ask yourself the question, what do I need? What can I give myself today? By practicing self- compassion and self- awareness we begin to seek our internal needs and in hand empower ourselves to live happier more fulfilled lives.

I encourage beginning to ask your self the magic question each day, what do I need today? And throughout the day checking in on how you can fulfill that need.

 

How Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Anxious, Calm and In Control

Therapy can help lower stress levels and put you back in the drivers seat, in control. Therapists are trained on ways to help build clients toolbox of support and resources to feel more regulated, grounded and centered.

If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety reach out to our team today, we are honored to support you and be apart of your journey, newdayvitalitytherapy.com.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

The People-Pleaser: A Trauma Survivor Mechanism

Some of us may be apt to help as much as possible. Some of us may know others who are consistently going out of their way to help others. In certain instances, this is a response to childhood trauma. When a person has grown up in an environment where their mental or physical well-being is threatened, people-pleasing may have been used as a survival skill in response to this threat. In childhood, this may have looked like not expressing yourself, your needs, or “talking back” to an authority figure to avoid conflict. This would be considered people-pleasing since the child is putting the needs of others ahead of their own.

As we become adults this trait can easily morph into people-pleasing in our interpersonal and occupational relationships. This can look like trouble saying “no” to tasks we truly do not want to take on. In the work environment, your boss may consistently go to you with overwhelming projects, and in relationships, you may feel pressure to help the other person as much as possible, even at the cost of your own wellness. Subconsciously this is done to avoid potentially experiencing a negative reaction from the other person. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or anxious when saying “yes” to someone, this may indicate a trauma-related response pattern. You may notice your body becoming tense, and experience resentment and psychological distress. Becoming self-aware and implementing boundaries is a step into un-programming this cycle. Consulting with a therapist is a great way to channel into the root of our trauma-related responses, and learning how to set healthy boundaries.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Saying No

Let’s talk about saying no. For many saying no is impossible. If you know me, you know that I always say that saying is not selfish it’s self-care and essential to survive. Below is a list of some statements and ways to say no, remember it’s not selfish it’s self-care.

Do not feel guilt about saying no, you have to take care of yourself before you can anyone else, saying no is part of that recipe.

Honoring yourself is the most important thing.

Before saying no do this quick simple check to range your comfort level with saying yes and if your body and mind tells you the opposite, then you probably need to say no and use one of the statements below.

1. Check in with your body

2. Ask yourself what best serves my greater good

3. Take time before answering

4. Ask yourself the final question if I said no how does it serve me?

Helpful no statements:

Unfortunately not

I’m slammed

Not possible

Not this time

Not for me, thanks

It’s not my thing

I think I’ll pass.

Not today, thanks

I wish I could but…

I’m taking sometime

Maybe another time

I’m not interested

If only I could!

Not now, but another time

I’m honored, but I can’t

I wish I were able to

Damn! Not able to fit it in

I won’t be able to help

I’d love to – but can’t

I’d rather not, thanks

I wish I could make it work

I wish there were two of me

No thank you, but it sounds lovely

We appreciate the offer, however…

Unfortunately, it’s not a good time

No thanks, I won’t be able to make it

Thanks for thinking of me but I can’t

No thanks, I have another commitment

I appreciate your time, but no thank you

I’m not really into it, but thanks for asking!

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella