Mindfulness (What does it mean & how do we practice it?)

What is mindfulness? What does it mean? And how do we practice it?

These questions I get so very often, and they are great questions. Its very simple, in order to practice mindfulness or to be mindful, we have to be in the moment. Grounding ourselves, taking it one day at a time, here and now are all ways to practice mindfulness. To start, I encourage all my clients to take a step outside, be in the moment, and take a deep breathe in, use your 5 senses, what do you hear? What do you see? What do you feel? Take it all in. This is a sense of practicing mindfulness, it helps slow us down in this fast pace world we live in and be in the moment. Practicing mindfulness can help lower stress and anxiety levels. So start today, take a step outside and practice your mindfulness, even if your only able to free your mind for a matter of seconds you have succeeded, as time goes by and you practice more often you will feel and see the effects.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Break up Drama (The do’s and do not’s after a break up)


The do’s and do not’s after a break up

We all have been there and know that a break up can significantly upset your entire world. For whatever reason the break up may have occurred it still hurts, a lot. How we react and respond significantly affects the way we feel. Some say ok, it’s time to figure out what’s going on with my ex, checking there social media pages, talking to there friends, finding out the “scoop”, but does that really help? Does that make you feel any better, when really asking yourself that question the answer is probably no, so let’s change it up. What can we do to help relive the pain and stress involved with a break up? The list below I’ve created as healthy tips on ways to work through the emotions surrounding a break up, the do’s and do not’s.

First, and foremost is self care, do self-care: taking care of your self is essential when you’re going through a tough time. Whether it’s getting a manicure or massage or eating and sleeping well, its all self-care and essential to your wellbeing.

Next, surround yourself with good friends and family, a great support system is essential when you’re experiencing being in this vulnerable place.

How about practicing some healthy coping skills? It’s essential to your wellbeing and recovery.

Journal journal journal, journaling your emotions can really help to speak to your inner emotions and allow yourself to express your emotions in a healthy manner.

Exercise!!! Get out, walk around, take a class, go to the gym, and increase the endorphins.

Challenging your negative thoughts can also be very helpful to your recovery, challenge this negative thoughts and work towards positive thinking, one step at a time.

Mindfulness, is also extremely helpful, focus on the here and now, takes it slow, one day at a time and is kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Be patient, a break up is like mourning and the grievance process can take time to feeling back to your self.

Now we discussed the do’s, what are the do not’s?

Do not talk to your ex’s friends or follow there social media’s this is only a recipe for disaster.

Do not talk shit about your ex to his friends and family, your feeling angry and upset and it’s understandable, but having these conversations only draws you into a darker place.

Don’t blame!! Blaming becomes a big part of the unanswered questions after a break, but the blame game gets your nowhere fast. So stay away from that negative place and focus on the future, your positive future.

Don’t pretend your fine, be true to yourself and your emotions, if you need to cry, let it all out, it’s essential to feel your emotions and go through each to reach the road to recovery.

Do not seek revenge, your angry, feels vulnerable and sad, seeking revenge seems natural, but it’s not going to have any positive end results, I promise you that, so stick away from the revenge and seek peace instead.

Don’t repeat mistakes, don’t keep your ex in your life, things change for a reason, and it’s better to leave the past in the past, it got there for a reason.

Do not self destruct, your upset and it’s understandable but don’t go down the road of self destruction, in the end the only one suffering is you, so do the opposite focus on you, what makes your happy and do you.

Do not isolate yourself, you may feel like becoming a hermit, but it’s not going to help with the healing process, so do the opposite, surround yourself with a great support system, keep your self busy and happy.

Lastly, don’t move on to quickly, take time to your self, creating your own happiness, and again patience is key. It takes time, and as long as the essentials of your well being are practiced things will get easier, and although at first it’s hard to believe, with time all wounds will heal.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

How Do We Love Ourselves Unconditionally?

Well, that’s a tough question, how do we love ourselves unconditionally? I’m here to help with guidance on the ability to do this.

Through my years of being a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, many of times I’ve been asked this, or some how some way our conversation have come back to the idea do you love yourself? And I admit each person is unique, so what it means to one person to love themselves unconditionally can look different for someone else, but the core concepts are essential to be able to love yourself, or show yourself love. My list below goes through the ways we all can love ourselves or love ourselves better, when done and practiced our lives become enhanced, happier and more fulfilling.

So this moment is the moment to choose to love, to love yourself unconditionally and by doing so love will be your most rewarding gift you can ever give yourself

Self care is essential when it comes to loving yourself. Self care can range from different activities, and components but it’s an essential building block towards loving yourself. Are you eating, are you drinking, are you getting enough sleep for your body? These are core components of self care. Now to go deeper are you feeding your soul? Are you doing things that may you happy, that make you complete? What I tell my clients often is do you, take a day to yourself, read, relax, binge on your favorite show, but most importantly show yourself self care and self love.

Appreciation, is another way to love your self, do you appreciate yourself? Are you appreciating your goals? Your hard work to obtain them? Self appreciation is key to loving yourself and admiring all the hard work you have done and are doing.

Mindfulness is also another key concept to unconditional self love, being apart of a moment and not worrying about the past or future brings you closer to your inner feelings and self and in hand makes you a happier person. Mindfulness can be as simple as using your five senses to ground yourself to practicing more complex mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness allows you to understand yourself on a deeper level and be present with that love.

Self acceptance is another key player in self love. Accepting your self as you are, and being proud of that person is a huge block to self love. We are all human beings and all make mistakes but being able to forgive the past, and accept and move forward in a positive light is self acceptance and self love.

Practice what you preach, the love you deserve and expect from others ensure that your also treating yourself with that same unconditional love, be kind to your self, practice self esteem and self confidence building to show your self the love you deserve and appreciation.

Good long lasting relationships are essential to love yourself. It’s said that you are made up of the 5 people your closet to, and in hand shows how you feel about yourself. So, with this in mind, surround yourself with loving, caring and great people and you will also begin to treat and love yourself the way these people do, feel loved, feel appreciated.

Positive self talk is another way to love yourself unconditionally. Positive mantras are fantastic for feeling good and loving yourself. I encourage my clients to choose new ones each week and the positivity that arises is explosive.

Challenging negative thoughts, is another way to eliminate negative self talk and begin to love yourself. Question the negative thoughts and understand that most are not even valid thoughts, begin to replace them with positive thoughts and see how quickly your life and the way you life and the way you love yourself changes.

Avoid perfection, now a days everyone is striving for perfection, well hate to break it but there’s no such thing, so begin today with self love and avoid these theme of perfection, don’t compare yourselves to others just love who you are truly and deeply.

Exercise is another way to practice self love, endorphins released provide a positive effect on our minds and in hand we feel good, so whether it’s running outside or going to the gym, it’s time to get moving.

Gratitude is another way to truly love yourself. I often encourage my clients to keep a gratitude journal, being sincere with your gratitude allows you to reflect deeper on the beauty of your life, what surrounds you, and yourself.

Self-compassion and self-worth is also major parts in loving yourself unconditionally. Be compassionate for yourself, be easy on yourself and always remember your self-worth. For some this may be creating healthy boundaries to ensure they protect there self-worth, and by doing this surround themselves with only positivity and love.

Once you’re able to love yourself unconditionally you will see how quickly and positively your life changes, As you grow closer to yourself, love yourself, you will also become more powerful, so choose love today, the most healing component in the world, love.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Job Stress and Mental Illness

Does job stress affect your mental health? I would have to say, most definitely. Job stress can affect you emotionally and mentally. Job stress can affect your home life, relationships, sleep patterns and self care. Luckily there are ways to help lower job stress.

Sleep sleep sleep, sleep is key. Getting enough rest when being under workplace pressure can help regulate emotional balance, so ensure your getting a good nights rest each evening.

Healthy eating habits are also essential to lowering your job related stress and the way it affects you. At times, the stress can become heightened and affect our eating patterns, so ensure to eat your three meals a day and take good care of your body, exercise and good eating habits are key.

Priorities tasks at work can also be helpful to organize thoughts and materials. Take the time to make a list and organize what’s a priority to help create structure and lower stress levels. It’s said that writing lists down, give you a 40% higher chance of completing the tasks, so get that notepad out.

Time is key. When we’re running late we are more likely to become stressed more often. So take an extra 15 minutes in the morning to leave early and give yourself time, to avoid feeling rushed and stressed.

Self-care!! Do what makes you happy, take time for yourself and surround yourself with happy, positive friends and family. Keep a gratitude journal and complete it every evening, ensuring to ground yourself.

Mindfulness, slow it all down, focus on the here and now and remember that this to shall pass.

At the end of each day disconnect from work life and enjoy the quality time with friends, family and pets.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

How To Deal With The Stress During The Holidays

As the holidays arise we feel numerous different emotions in Westchester NY. Happiness, sadness, stress and perhaps even overwhelmed.

When it’s that time of year you may feel a sense of hope, rebirth, positivity and warmth. However, this can also involve feelings of stress due to all the tasks that revolve around holiday time. Whether it be family stress, shopping, missing loved ones that have moved on; it’s true the holidays can bring about stress. So how do we deal with stress around the holidays in NY?

First, healthy coping skills are essential for dealing with holiday stress. Acknowledge your feelings and validate them. Than, practice your healthy coping skills and good self care. Practice compassion for yourself and for others. Take it slow and remember to breathe.

Create a plan for a budget, if financial stress is a component around the holidays. Plan a head and don’t over spend, remember the holidays is about love, family and friends, not about the gifts.

Reach out to friends and family when feeling lonely. Some individuals may feel a sense of loss during the holidays and it’s important to reach out and talk about your emotions. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and talk about the way you feel.

Family stress is another possible stressor around the holidays. Could it be your in laws? Or your parents? Remember don’t take on there emotions, validate your own and separation is key. Practice mindful meditation and focus on the here and now.

Practice positive self talk and reassuring self talk to boost positivity and eliminate negative thoughts.

If the holiday stress is missing a loved one whom has passed on, focus on the beauty and the memories that you have with that person. Remember our memories are sacred and always our personal recollections of loved ones. Talk about the person, and relate these feelings to your support systems to help validate the way you feel.

Professional help may be needed, Psychotherapy and counseling can be extremely helpful. If so reach out to a local therapist to seek help, remember we are here help and want to be apart of your journey to wellness.

Through the hustle of the holidays, be true to the meaning of the holidays, spending time with love ones, feeling grateful and surrounding yourself with positivity.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella