self-esteem

11
Aug
2022

Summer Vibes and Self-Esteem


 

So summer is here and you want to enjoy the summer, have great self-esteem, but also feel the pressure of looking and feeling great, don’t we all?

Let’s talk about some tips on how to really enjoy the summer through building your self-esteem.

So it’s time for the pool and the beach and your dreading getting out or purchasing a new bathing suit. I have a proposal for you. Close your eyes and envision what you want the bathing suit to look like on you, be realistic. Open your eyes and begin to slowly see that transition in the mirror. You will come to see that your ideal place and the way you look are different but perhaps not as different as you imagined.

Self-esteem growth and that bathing suit

So we all want to look and feel healthy but the pressure doesn’t help us. So what I encourage you to do is organically begin to take night walks. Mindfulness walks where you begin to truly take in the beauty of the summer. At the end of the walk I want you to thank your body for allowing you to go on this walk. Try to do this a couple times a week.

Self- love mantra

Start a new self-love mantra; one that incorporates the summer vibe you want to have this year. Every morning wake up with setting the intention to feel this vibe and attain it throughout the day. Summer love.

Surround yourself with love

Lastly what I want you to do is surround yourself with people that you can show up authentically around. People that see you for you and love you for that. There’s no easier and better way to be part of a tribe that real, raw and authentic, in fact it’s liberating.
Enjoy this summer my friends
Sending summer vibes your way

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
23
Jun
2022

How to Begin to Build Self-Esteem

 

 

4 Simple steps to start today to build your self-esteem and self-confidence:

Boosting Self-esteem

Set time aside for you.

It’s important to ensure that we are setting time to be with ourselves. Believe it or not alone time is an easy way to begin to build the bridge to strengthen self-esteem. I often encourage clients to schedule in every day ‘me time’. During that time, do something you enjoy, something that is for you, only you and makes you smile.

 

Write down goals and work towards them- grow, evolve your self-esteem

In order to build self-esteem we need to set goals for ourselves and then meet them. Begin by setting small, realistic tangible goals that you can meet and you will. Slowly grow that list to something bigger and reflect on how awesome you are on setting the intention to reach and then meeting the goal.

Do what makes you happy= higher self-esteem

Sounds simple huh? But isn’t always. We don’t always do what makes us happy, we often do things to make others happy. I encourage you to set a reminder one a week to do something for you that makes you and only you happy. It can be as simple as saying no to plans that your just not in the mood for to as complex as planning that grand vacation that you have wanted to do for years. Set the intentions, work towards the internal happiness and in hand build you self-esteem.

Be perfectly imperfect= better self-esteem

We often set such high expectations for ourselves. To be perfect, to do it all, to be it all. Well I challenge you to release and let go of all of that and just be you. Just showing up as yourself allows you to be the most authentic version of you, showing up perfectly imperfect. When we release all of the expectations we truly begin to trust and own our most desirable selves. Trust the process and just be you, perfectly imperfect.

Check out these awesome blogs that talks about more ways to build on your self-esteem today:

https://www.realbuzz.com/articles-interests/health/article/10-strange-tricks-to-boost-your-self-esteem/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098

https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Saying No


 

Let’s talk about saying no. For many saying no is impossible. If you know me, you know that I always say that saying is not selfish it’s self-care and essential to survive. Below is a list of some statements and ways to say no, remember it’s not selfish it’s self-care.

Do not feel guilt about saying no, you have to take care of yourself before you can anyone else, saying no is part of that recipe.

Honoring yourself is the most important thing.

Before saying no do this quick simple check to range your comfort level with saying yes and if your body and mind tells you the opposite, then you probably need to say no and use one of the statements below.

1. Check in with your body

2. Ask yourself what best serves my greater good

3. Take time before answering

4. Ask yourself the final question if I said no how does it serve me?

Helpful no statements:

Unfortunately not

I’m slammed

Not possible

Not this time

Not for me, thanks

It’s not my thing

I think I’ll pass.

Not today, thanks

I wish I could but…

I’m taking sometime

Maybe another time

I’m not interested

If only I could!

Not now, but another time

I’m honored, but I can’t

I wish I were able to

Damn! Not able to fit it in

I won’t be able to help

I’d love to – but can’t

I’d rather not, thanks

I wish I could make it work

I wish there were two of me

No thank you, but it sounds lovely

We appreciate the offer, however…

Unfortunately, it’s not a good time

No thanks, I won’t be able to make it

Thanks for thinking of me but I can’t

No thanks, I have another commitment

I appreciate your time, but no thank you

I’m not really into it, but thanks for asking!

 

https://youtu.be/zzNmOEJUg-s

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

You Are Not Broken


 

 

A black and white image of the word justice.

This âš›ï¸Â¸ this message if your reading is meant for you right now. Seriously meant for you. I wrote this many years back and so often share with my clients and every single time it’s a profound reaction, crying, smiling or both and many other powerful feelings. It’s shown to be a powerful message that so many need to hear over and over. My feeling is that so many need this message right now. This is my gift to you my friend, I see you, hold space for you, you are not broken, I believe in you my friend and always will.

 

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

National Coming Out Day – A Queer Cis-Female Therapist’s thoughts


A black and white image of the word justice.

October 11 th is National Coming Out Day. Coming out is an extremely sensitive, brave, and ongoing decision one makes to be their most authentic self.

I came out approximately 10/11 years ago. I felt all the feelings one would feel; shame, fear, anger (towards self), and hopelessness. I had to come out to myself first, by acknowledging and accepting this is who I was, then to my immediate friends and family, and then to the world. I also continue to make this choice every day by being myself in the world.

Coming out is not always safe for everyone, I was lucky in my case it was. I had a support system that made an effort to listen and understand, without judgment. Funny thing is I still sometimes find this hard to do for myself.

Why is it important that I write this, identifying myself as a queer cis-female therapist? When we’re in the process of exploring our sexuality/identity, all we can think about is how much our loved ones and the world is going to reject us, judge us, be disgusted by us, and cast us out. Yes, I felt this way about therapists too. As much as we like to think we’re the least judgmental, we are ALL born with biases. When I made the choice to enter the social work field, I made a promise to myself that I would not lose who I was in the process, or ever. I’ve walked out of therapy sessions where I felt there wasn’t genuine care/concern in the therapeutic alliance. In order for you to show me who you are, you need to know a little bit of who I am. How can I ask someone to be vulnerable with me, without identifying my vulnerability, the vulnerability we all experience as humans.

I say this to say, I care about you, I welcome you, I embrace you, I do not see you as “wrong”. I do not judge you, I accept you, I AFFIRM you, and all of you.

I was born 31 years ago, but sometimes I feel like my story didn’t start until I was 22. Fast forward to today and I am currently happy in a relationship with a woman. I understand now that I am constantly given a choice to continue to live by my values or against them. I value authenticity, I value honesty, and I value connection. And the truth is, living by my values means more to me than the risk of being rejected when it comes to my life. I knew that the fear of staying the same was greater than the fear of change. I knew when I became older and had less time, I would look back and wish I gave this one shot at life all I got, as who I am. I couldn’t experience any of these values if I shut out parts of myself to myself and the world.

I am still learning how to be comfortable with myself in a world that wants to continue to send me messages that who I am is wrong, disgusting, and abnormal. I still look around in public places for safety before I kiss or hold my girlfriend’s hand. I still feel the pit in my stomach as I share a public display of affection and know my friends/family are watching. Coming out is not just a one-time thing. Its not just on National Coming Out Day. It’s a decision I make every single day and will make for the rest of my life.

This is my story, it’s time to start yours. Whatever you decide to do, please know that I see you, I am here, and I am ready to support you through your journey.

 

https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D