self-esteem

The Power of Letting Others Shine

The Power of Letting Others Shine: Why Secure People Celebrate Each Other

Powerful people don’t fear other people shining. They turn up the lights.

There is something incredibly powerful about a person who can celebrate someone else’s success without questioning their own worth.

Someone who can watch another woman step into her power, build something meaningful, chase a dream, or enter a new chapter of her life and genuinely cheer her on.

Someone who understands that another person’s light does not make their own any less bright.

Yet, in a world that constantly encourages us to compare ourselves to others, celebrating someone else’s success isn’t always easy. We compare careers, relationships, families, appearances, accomplishments, and even the timelines of our lives. We scroll through social media and find ourselves measuring our behind-the-scenes struggles against someone else’s highlight reel.

Without even realizing it, we can begin to believe that life is a competition. That someone else’s success somehow means we are falling behind. That there is only so much room for happiness, abundance, opportunity, or success.

But what if we chose to see things differently?

What if we stopped viewing one another as competition and started recognizing the incredible things that can happen when we encourage, uplift, and empower one another?

What if we learned to celebrate someone else’s light without dimming our own?

The Difference Between Confidence and Comparison

True confidence isn’t about being the most successful person in the room. It isn’t about having the perfect life, knowing all the answers, or constantly proving your worth to the world.

True confidence comes from knowing who you are, understanding what you bring to the table, and trusting that your journey has value even when it looks different from someone else’s.

When we feel secure within ourselves, we don’t need to minimize another person’s accomplishments to feel better about our own.

We can celebrate the friend who gets the promotion. We can support the woman who starts her own business. We can cheer for the person who finally leaves a situation that no longer serves them. We can feel genuinely happy for someone who is experiencing something we are still hoping for ourselves.

Their happiness doesn’t invalidate our struggles.

Their accomplishments don’t erase our achievements.

And their progress doesn’t mean we are standing still.

Someone else’s success is not evidence of your failure.

We are all navigating different circumstances, carrying different experiences, and moving through life at our own pace. There is no universal timeline that determines when we should have everything figured out.

Sometimes, the most important thing we can do for our mental health is stop looking sideways at everyone else’s journey and begin reconnecting with our own.

Why Do We Sometimes Struggle to Celebrate Others?

Let’s be honest. Being happy for someone else can feel complicated when we are struggling ourselves.

It can be difficult to celebrate a friend’s engagement when we are experiencing heartbreak. It can be challenging to watch someone else’s career flourish when we feel stuck professionally. It can hurt to see someone reach a milestone we have been working toward for years.

And experiencing those feelings doesn’t automatically make us a bad friend, a jealous person, or someone who wishes others harm.

Sometimes, another person’s success brings our own unmet desires, insecurities, grief, or fears to the surface.

Their news may remind us of something we want but haven’t experienced yet.

Their confidence may highlight areas where we are still learning to trust ourselves.

Their accomplishments may awaken the fear that we are somehow not doing enough.

Rather than judging ourselves for these feelings, we can approach them with curiosity and compassion.

Ask yourself:

● What is this situation bringing up for me?

● Am I comparing my journey to someone else’s?

● Is there something I want for myself that I haven’t given myself permission to pursue?

● Can I acknowledge my feelings without allowing them to take away from someone else’s happiness?

Sometimes, the very things that trigger comparison can help us discover what we truly want for ourselves.

We can acknowledge disappointment and still be kind. We can feel sadness about our own circumstances and still congratulate someone else. We can recognize our insecurities without allowing them to dictate how we treat others.

Emotional growth doesn’t mean we never experience uncomfortable feelings. It means we learn how to respond to those feelings in ways that align with the person we want to become.

Women Supporting Women: There Is Room for All of Us

There is something beautiful about women who genuinely support other women.

Women who celebrate one another’s accomplishments without turning everything into a competition.

Women who offer encouragement instead of judgment, connection instead of comparison, and kindness instead of criticism.

Women who understand that we can have different personalities, parenting experiences, careers, beliefs, goals, and definitions of success while still respecting and uplifting one another.

We don’t have to live the same lives to appreciate one another.

We don’t have to agree on everything to show compassion.

And we certainly don’t have to dim someone else’s light to make room for our own.

Imagine what would happen if we became more intentional about the energy we bring into our relationships.

What if we complimented one another more freely?

What if we celebrated the small victories, not just the major milestones?

What if we reached out to the woman who seemed unusually quiet, offered encouragement to someone taking a brave first step, or reminded a friend of her strengths when she temporarily forgot them herself?

Small acts of support can have a lasting impact.

You never know what someone is carrying privately. A sincere compliment, a thoughtful message, or a genuine expression of encouragement may arrive at exactly the moment someone needs to feel seen.

Be the person who reminds others of their light, especially when they are struggling to see it themselves.

And remember, supporting other women doesn’t require you to abandon your own needs. Healthy relationships allow space for mutual encouragement, honest conversations, boundaries, and individual growth.

We can show up for others while continuing to show up for ourselves.

That is where genuine connection begins.

Protecting Your Peace in a World of Constant Comparison

Comparison can quietly interfere with our mental health.

When we constantly measure ourselves against other people, it becomes difficult to appreciate what is already meaningful in our own lives. We may overlook our progress because someone else appears further ahead. We may question our choices because another person’s path looks more appealing. We may even lose sight of our own values while trying to meet expectations that were never ours to begin with.

Over time, this pattern can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, resentment, and dissatisfaction.

Learning to step away from comparison is an important part of developing a healthier relationship with ourselves.

Here are a few ways to begin.

1. Celebrate your own progress.

You don’t need to accomplish something extraordinary every day to be moving forward. Recognize the difficult conversations you have had, the boundaries you have established, the risks you have taken, and the ways you have grown.

Progress is not always visible to others, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

2. Be mindful of what you consume.

Social media can be a wonderful place for connection and inspiration, but it can also encourage unrealistic comparisons. Pay attention to how certain accounts, conversations, or environments make you feel.

Give yourself permission to step back from what consistently leaves you feeling inadequate and make more room for what inspires you.

3. Practice gratitude without dismissing your struggles.

You can appreciate the good in your life while acknowledging what is difficult. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It is about making space to recognize what is meaningful, even when life feels uncertain.

4. Stop treating life like a race.

You are allowed to change directions. You are allowed to begin again. You are allowed to take longer than you expected.

Someone else’s timeline does not determine yours.

5. Surround yourself with people who want to see you grow.

Healthy relationships make room for encouragement, honesty, mutual respect, and individuality. Seek connections with people who celebrate your wins, support you through difficult seasons, and allow you to be fully yourself.

You deserve relationships in which you don’t have to shrink to belong.

You Don’t Have to Shrink to Make Others Comfortable

Sometimes, the message isn’t only about learning to celebrate others. It is also about allowing ourselves to shine.

How often do we make ourselves smaller because we are afraid of being judged?

How often do we hesitate to share an accomplishment, pursue an exciting opportunity, or speak confidently about something we have worked hard to achieve because we don’t want to make someone else uncomfortable?

How often do we question whether we are being too much when we are simply becoming more comfortable with who we are?

There is a difference between humility and hiding.

You can be kind without minimizing your achievements. You can be compassionate without apologizing for your growth. You can celebrate your own success without believing you are better than anyone else.

You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be proud of yourself. You are allowed to become the person you have been working so hard to become.

Not everyone will understand your journey. Not everyone will celebrate your choices. And not everyone will be comfortable with the changes that occur when you begin trusting yourself more deeply.

But your responsibility is not to make yourself smaller so that everyone around you feels comfortable.

Your responsibility is to live in alignment with your values, treat others with compassion, and continue growing into the person you want to be.

Let people misunderstand you if they must. Let yourself evolve. Let yourself try something new, take a chance, or pursue a dream that feels meaningful to you.

You do not need to compete with anyone to live a fulfilling life.

And you do not need permission to shine.

Sometimes, We Need to Learn How to Be on Our Own Side

At the heart of comparison is often a relationship with ourselves that needs a little more care.

When we struggle to recognize our own worth, it can become tempting to look outside ourselves for reassurance. We may rely on accomplishments, approval, or comparisons to determine whether we are doing enough.

But lasting self-worth is not built by being better than someone else.

It grows as we learn to accept ourselves, recognize our strengths, acknowledge our imperfections, and treat ourselves with compassion through the different seasons of life.

This doesn’t happen overnight.

Sometimes it means challenging the negative thoughts we have about ourselves. Sometimes it means exploring where our insecurities began. Sometimes it means setting boundaries with people or environments that reinforce our self-doubt.

And sometimes, it means asking for support.

Psychotherapy can provide a space to explore comparison, perfectionism, self-esteem, relationship patterns, and the beliefs that may be keeping us from feeling more confident and connected to ourselves.

At New Day Vitality, we believe that personal growth begins with the opportunity to understand yourself more deeply. With greater self-awareness, you can begin making choices that reflect your values rather than your fears.

You can learn to celebrate others without abandoning yourself.

You can build relationships that feel supportive rather than competitive.

And you can begin creating a life that feels meaningful to you, rather than one that simply looks successful to everyone else.

Growth isn’t about becoming someone who never struggles with insecurity. It’s about learning that your insecurities don’t have to define you or determine how you show up in the world.

Imagine a World Where We Turn Up the Lights

Imagine a world where someone else’s success inspires you rather than intimidates you.

Where we celebrate the woman who takes a chance on herself, the friend who finds the courage to start over, the mother who is rediscovering who she is, and the person who finally begins believing they deserve something better.

Imagine relationships where encouragement is freely given, achievements are celebrated, and differences don’t automatically become reasons for comparison.

Imagine how much energy we could reclaim if we stopped trying to measure our worth against everyone else’s lives.

That energy could be invested in our own healing, our relationships, our dreams, and the things that genuinely matter to us.

We cannot control how everyone else chooses to show up. We cannot eliminate comparison from the world around us.

But we can decide what kind of people we want to be.

We can choose kindness.

We can practice self-awareness.

We can celebrate other people’s happiness while continuing to create our own.

And we can remind ourselves, again and again, that there is room for all of us to grow.

Powerful people don’t fear other people shining. They turn up the lights.

So be the person who cheers for someone else’s success. Be the friend who offers encouragement. Be the woman who supports another woman’s dreams. Be the person who recognizes that kindness is not a limited resource and that someone else’s light does not diminish your own.

And when it is your turn to shine, don’t apologize for it.

Your growth is worth celebrating, too.

Because the goal was never to be the brightest person in the room.

The goal is to create a little more light wherever you go.

A Final Thought From New Day Vitality

At New Day Vitality, we believe that emotional wellness involves learning to understand ourselves, nurture meaningful relationships, and make room for growth, connection, and change.

Whether you are working through self-doubt, navigating a life transition, struggling with comparison, or simply trying to reconnect with yourself, you deserve the opportunity to explore what helps you feel more confident, grounded, and fulfilled.

You do not have to have everything figured out to begin.

And you do not have to walk your journey alone.

There is room for you. There is room for your dreams. There is room for your growth. And there is room for all of us to shine.

With care,
New Day Vitality
Holistic Psychotherapy in Yorktown Heights, New York

Visit NewDayVitalityTherapy.com to learn more about our practice and services.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

10 ways to live a more fulfilling healthier and happy life today:


So we all want to live a healthy and happy life right? Sometimes we don’t feel fulfilled in the everyday routine. We get stuck in the autopilot of it all. It gets exhausting, maybe even draining.

Let’s talk about 10 simple ways you can begin to implement today to live a more fulfilling healthier and happier life today.

  1. Practice gratitude

Choose each day to show up with a grateful heart. Even for the small things in your life, food you eat, roof over your head. This can all adjust the way you see and feel about your life and world.

  1. Choose to smile

There’s a ton of research that shows smiling helps us internally as well as externally. It helps us feel lighter and more at ease, plus it costs nothing. Try it out today.

  1. Mindfulness

Living a mindful life allows one to be present in all of your feelings and experiences, the more present we are the more regulated we become.

  1. Say no

Say no to people, places and things that don’t align to what truly makes your soul happy.

  1. Practice Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential. They are a perfect example of self- care. The healthier boundaries we choose the happier life we live.

  1. Exercise

Get moving, exercise increases endorphins that help us feel good. Get moving today.

  1. Surround yourself with people that love and truly care about you

When you surround yourself with a healthy team, you yourself begin to make healthier choices for you.

  1. Live for your moments

The moments that take your breathe away. Live and be those moments.

Manage Stress

Be conscious and aware of your stress. If it gets too high it’s time to implement something different.

  1. Choose goals that are realistic

Set goals that are realistic and achievable. Be kind to yourself. Choose compassion.

So today is your day, your day to begin living a happier and healthier life. Which of the 10 will you start to incorporate in your life? New Day Vitality is here to help.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Let’s get moving, how to become unstuck in life.


So sometimes in life we’re stuck. Like seriously stuck. Have you felt this way? Have you ever felt stuck in a space, in a job, in an environment, in a relationship? If you answered yes to any of these questions this blog may be a healthy start on how to get moving and unstuck in your life.

Let go of the past

It’s hard, we know. We have all been there. But the longer you live in the past, the longer you will stay idle.

Explore your purpose.

Engage with your purpose, explore it. Does the life you live now engage with that purpose? If not it maybe time to shift.

Here’s some helpful questions to explore purpose.

What makes me happy and brings me joy?
What were my favorite things to do in my past?
What’s makes my soul happy now?
Who or what inspires me the most, and why is that?
What and who makes me feel good about myself?

Practice compassion

Practicing compassion can help one feel more present and unstuck in the routine. Do you practice self compassion? And if you do what does it look like? If you don’t, it’s probably time to start today.

Check out these 10 ways below directly from Tiny Buddha:

1. Transform your mindset.

Sadly, it’s often challenging to lift yourself up (particularly if you’re feeling really low or ashamed), but if you want to create compassion for yourself, you have to change your mindset.

For me, self-compassion started with changing my thoughts. I started focusing on the fact that my behaviorwas bad, not me. Once I started labeling behavior (instead of myself as whole), I was able to be kinder to myself and open up my mind to the possibility that I could make changes.

2. Speak (and think!) kindly about yourself.

Hand in hand with the first step is speaking and thinking kindly about yourself. Your words are incredibly powerful, and if you continuously tell yourself you’re unworthy, a mess, or unforgiveable, you’ll soon start to believe it.

I did this for a long time, calling myself things like “crazy” or “out of control,” but once I started changing my words, stopping myself every time I wanted to laugh off my behavior with a negative label, I began having more compassion for myself.

I was a person making bad choices, not a bad person. If you struggle with this step, imagine talking about yourself as you would talk about your best friend.

3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Forgiveness is vital for self-compassion. We all make mistakes, but not all of us forgive ourselves for them. Depending on the mistake, this can be a very daunting task, but keep in mind that you cannot go back (no matter how badly you might want to), so the best thing to do is to choose forgiveness and forward motion.

Whenever I did something inappropriate, instead of shrugging it off or excusing my behavior, I started apologizing for it, both to others and to myself. Again, I focused on the fact that I wasn’t bad; it was my behavior that was.

4. Spend time doing things you truly enjoy.

If you’re struggling with shame, enjoying pleasurable activities can be seen as something you don’t deserve. But each and every one of us deserves to engage in joyful, uplifting, and exciting experiences.

Allowing yourself to experience true happiness”to take time from your life to do something you love”is an act of compassion.

When I found myself feeling ashamed for a mistake I’d made, I began making a conscious effort to understand what situation provoked that act and I strove to make choices that put me in more positive situations.

5. Strive to avoid judgments and assumptions.

Though assumptions and judgments are often based on experience or knowledge of some sort, it’s very hard to predict what will happen in life. When you judge yourself or make an assumption about what you will do in the future, you don’t give yourself an opportunity to choose a different path. Instead of limiting yourself, be open to all possibilities.

In my situation, I started assuming that I shouldn’t go to an event because I would inevitably cause a scene and have to leave. Little did I know that I’d eventually learn, with the help of therapy and self-compassion, to socialize sober. I had assumed that I would always be “wild,” but I’ve learned that you cannot know the future. Assumptions will only inhibit you.

6. Find common ground with others.

While self-compassion is about the way you care for yourself, one of the best ways to cultivate it is to create connections with others. When you open yourself up to sharing who you are with others, you’ll soon see that you’re not alone.

We all struggle to treat ourselves with kindness, and recognizing this can make the struggle more manageable.

At some point, I began admitting to friends and family that I had a problem. It was difficult to open up emotionally, but the more I did, the more I discovered that I wasn’t alone. Creating these stronger emotional ties made it so much easier to deal with my personal shame and to work toward more self-compassion.

7. Take care of your mind and your body.

One of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself is take care of your mind and body. Spend as much time as possible absorbing new information, and be sure to fill your mind and body with positive things (healthy food, good conversations, wisdom, etc.). Being mindful of what you consume and what you do with your energy is an important part of self-compassion.

Once I began doing this, I was able to recognize what did and didn’t make me feel good about myself. Admittedly, I didn’t always continue to seek out positive things (and still struggle to do so at times), but the awareness of what would and wouldn’t impact my mind and body positively gave me the opportunity to make more conscious, compassionate choices for myself.

8. Pay attention to where your passion lies.

Most of us are passionate about something. We have things that really matter to us ¾ a career, a hobby, our loved ones. Whatever it is that gets you excited, allow yourself to focus on that, and do what you can to spend more time enjoying it. Self-compassion means allowing yourself to be passionate, without shame or fear.

Around the time I started trying to get sober, I realized that my issues with alcohol were a reflection of deeper issues within my heart and mind. I started thinking more about my mindset and, as I explored this, I decided to start a blog to share what I found. It was at that time that my passion for self-discovery and my passion for writing merged, and Positively Present was born!

9. Realize it’s not all about you.

Rather than focusing on how we see ourselves, we often direct our attention to how we think others see us. It’s important not to do this for two reasons: (1) we don’t ever really know what others think and (2) more often than not, others aren’t thinking about you.

Letting go of external validation is a very compassionate choice.

It took me a long time to overcome this, particularly when it came to giving up drinking. For a long while, it felt like everyone was judging me, either because they thought I had a problem or, worse still, they themselves had a drinking problem and couldn’t understand why I was quitting.

As time passed, I discovered that most people didn’t care whether or not I drank”they just wanted me to be happy”and realizing this made it so much easier to do what was best for me.

10. Cultivate acceptance (even for your flaws).

Just because you accept something doesn’t mean that you like it. We all have attributes we don’t love, but the more you focus on accepting the things you cannot change, the more content you become with who you are.

One of the great challenges that came with my sobriety was realizing that I didn’t, in fact, like partying and barhopping as much as I’d claimed to. I’d made these things such a big part of my identity, and recognizing and accepting that they weren’t “me” was difficult (particularly because I had to overcome the notion that “introverted” was a negative characteristic).

I still struggle at times with being introverted”I often wish I could be social butterfly”but accepting my limitations and my true nature has been the greatest act of self-compassion. Doing so has allowed me to direct my energy and attention to the things I love about my life: my creativity, my writing, and the people who love me just as I am.

 

“Embracing these ten tips has helped me to cultivate more compassion for myself, and I’ve found that the more compassionate I am with myself”particularly when I’ve made a mistake or feel ashamed” the more compassionate I am with others as well.

The way you treat, think about, and talk to yourself isn’t just about you. It has a ripple effect that impacts all of your relationships and all of your choices, which is why it’s so important to choose self-compassion whenever possible. It changes your life and, in a greater sense, the world as well.

Believe in yourself

Believing in yourself. Do you believe in yourself? Have you ever asked yourself that question? If not maybe it’s time.

Get out of your comfort zone

Challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone, with that being or feeling stuck you will feel a change in alignment.

Which ones will you start today above to feel unstuck? Which ones spoke to you?

If you’re in need for more support reach out to us today. We are here and honored to be apart of your journey.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Self-love and cultivating it


Self- love

We all need it. We all want it. But how do we practice self-love?

Here’s some simple ways to begin practicing self-love today:

Live in the moment, each moment of every day.

Practice gratitude. Start and keep a gratitude journal today.

Embrace change. Accept the fact that we can’t control everything.

Self-care. Ensure you practice self-care daily.

Mindfulness, practicing mindfulness can flourish self-love in many effective ways.

Eat healthy, get enough sleep. Take care of you.

Surround yourself with people who you feel safe with. Who show you love and kindness that you deserve.

Let go of toxic relationships and environments. Cleanse yourself of all that doesn’t serve you.

Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a key ingredient to self-love.

Mediate. Take time to be with you.

Be creative. Take up a new hobby and have fun with it.

Celebrate milestones, each milestone is growth and something to celebrate.

Follow your passion. Work towards your dreams.

Journal. Journal your feelings and emotions.

Love yourself. Love yourself, your true, vibrant authentic self. Perfectly imperfect

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How can we truly love ourselves while pregnant?

 

Trigger Warning: This post discusses pregnancy, body and hormonal shifts during pregnancy.

 

So, it”s great news, your pregnant. Your having and carrying a tiny human. You shared the news with family and friends, everyone is excited, everyone is happy for you.

But your not. Hmmmm

You question your response, you feel excited, but you also feel a world of emotions, mood swings and stress.

It”s normal, this is all normal. I can”t say that enough, I can”t validate your experience enough.

Society shares that we should only share and talk about the happy feelings, but what about the majority of the rest?

 

What about the mood swings? The hormonal shifts, the weight gain, the changes in everything. Let”s talk about that. Let”s validate that.

Here”s some tips on ways you can validate and own your experience.

Connect with others, others whom are pregnant or have been.

Share with those you feel safe with.

Practice self love.

Practice kindness.

Practice patience.

Practice healthy boundaries.

Say no when you need to.

Rest up.

Eat and make sure you drink enough water.

Stay active.

Practice mindfulness.

Join a support group.

If you are not already seeing a therapist, reaching out to a local therapist may also be beneficial. New Day Vitality is honored to help, newdayvitalitytherapy.com

 

Create positive affirmations to support your journey and pregnancy. Here”s some examples:

From https://www.verywellfamily.com/positive-pregnancy-affirmations-2759738

 

I am

I believe

I feel

I know

My baby is

My body is open to

My body knows

My heart is

My labor is

My mind is open to

Birth is safe for my baby and me.

Contractions help to bring my baby to me.

I accept the help of others.

I am a good parent.

I am a strong person.

I know how to take care of myself in pregnancy.

I love my baby.

I will make the right decisions for my baby.

My baby feels my love.

My baby knows their true birthday.

My baby loves me.

My baby senses the peace and safety I feel.

My baby will be born at the perfect time.

My baby will find the perfect position for birth.

My baby’s head fits snugly into my pelvis.

My body knows how to give birth.

My body knows when to give birth.

My pregnant body is beautiful.

I accept my labor and birth.

I am surrounded by those who love, support, and respect me.

I know how to take care of my baby.

I trust my body.

 

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D