online therapy

08
Jun
2022

How to Keep Your Cool When Feeling Triggered?


 

How to keep your cool when feeling triggered by another person?

Fight, flight, and freeze during anger

So we have all been there, anger is an emotion everyone experiences. Here’s an interesting fact, anger is a secondary emotion, and the primary emotion is typically something more similar to sadness, disappointment. Then why do we experience it? Its because anger is a more tangible easier response then the primary emotion. Particularly when we feel triggered by another person, perhaps even a loved one. It may elicit feelings of vulnerability, exposure and even trapped. Lets talk about some ways to cool down when feeling triggered by another person.

 

Feeling angry, don’t want to say anything I may regret

So you feel triggered, upset, seeing red, may say something to a love one you might regret. How do you slow it down? First, if your able to walk away, take a moment to yourself it can literally be the most helpful couple of minutes. Simply excuse yourself from the environment or situation to give your mind and body the opportunity to calm down and regulate. When you feel ready you can return to the conversation and environment.

 

Visualization for anger

Visualization can be very helpful to calm down. Close your eyes and envision yourself in your favorite place, stay there for a couple minutes until you feel ready to return to the conversation. Try this visualization exercise out, https://youtu.be/G1bxxiiXc48

 

The count down for anger

Counting from 1-10 is an easy way to separate yourself mentally in a heighten situation. It’s simple yet very regulating.

 

Talk to a friend

Sometimes reaching out to a trustful, safe love one to talk about your experience can help calm heighten emotions, you also can gain support.

 

Slow down and focus on you breathe, become mindful

Lastly, breathing exercises can help regulate your system when feeling triggered. Take a couple minutes to slow down your breathing, focus on your breathe and re- regulate.

 

Talk to your therapist

Therapy is a great way to learn how to manage and regulate your emotions when you’ve been triggered or even before you’ve been triggered by another person.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
25
May
2022

3 Ways to Slow Down and Be More Mindful


 

3 Ways to Slow Down and Become More Presently Mindful

Go go go

Society has conditioned us to always be on the move. To do more, be more, take on more. But guess what? It’s not realistic; it’s not sustainable. In fact it’s what causes heightened anxiety, stress and depression. So how do we unplug and reset? How do we let go of this unrealistic expectations and begin to be more mindful and live in the present moment? In this blog you will learn about three simple ways to begin that change today. To live in the present moment and enjoy the little moments, because in the long run, the little moments become the big ones. Choose mindfulness my friend.

Slow down, breathe in.

Breathing exercises and meditation is a simply way to begin to have your physical body become more present in the moment and slow down. I often encourage clients to use diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing exercises. Below is a a great video showing how to begin this exercise today.

https://www.physio-pedia.com/Diaphragmatic_Breathing_Exercises

Take a Break from Social Media

Have you ever caught your self aimlessly scrolling through social media? In fact many individuals reports hours passing by prior to even noticing. Here’s the thing while your aimlessly scrolling your brain is taking in so much, expectations, comparisons and even negative cognitions. We begin to complete remove ourselves from the present moment and become emerged in social media, the opposite of being present. I encourage you to take a week cleanse away from social media. Seriously, set a date and for an entire week no social media at all. If this feels too hard, try to set time limits. You will begin to notice and see the difference in your awareness and regulation of your mind, body and soul.

Mindfulness Walks

One of my favorite mindfulness exercises is mindfulness walks. Simply yet so encouraging and relaxing. Each day, weather permitting, I encourage you to take a walk, different than any other you ever did. This time be use your 5 senses to really take in all that’s around you. Breathe in the fresh air, notice the texture on the leaves. If you have family or friends with you on the walk ask them to also take part in this exercise. You will almost immediately feel your nervous system slowing down and become more calm.
Life is dance, mindfulness is being a part of the dance, dance my friends, dance.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
09
May
2022

Mother’s Day 2022

 

 

Mother’s Day

A woman and two women holding a baby.

May 2022
By Colette

 

What a strange day for me. Even today, I’m not 100% how I feel about it. It use to be the pain, the sadness, the ill feeling that creeped up every year when the Mother’s Day decor started coming out, the painful reminder that my beautiful mother left this physical earth way to early. Followed by the happiness and gratitude of how lucky I was to have her, even for the short period I did. Followed by my Nanny, wow my nanny. The women that stood up to take on a job that now as a mother I can’t even envision, with such strength, such grace, such compassion, even after losing her own daughter she did it all. These two women shaped me in every single form. So the mesh of those emotions was what I felt for years. Many years. Then I became a therapist and an advocate for women, for mothers, the truest forms of warriors and I felt this over whelming emotion again to honor them; to thank them, to see them, all the warrior mothers around me. Today I am one, today I’m part of that very sacred tribe and I feel gratitude, I feel true honor. I’m grateful to my work and especially my boys for making this day easier, for making it joyful, for making it special as for so many years it was the pain. Although I do feel the pain, the magic of love of my boys helps ease it some. So cheers to the multitude of emotions I feel and validate today and the immense gratitude and love I have around me. My boys in every shape and form healed me, they made me whole again and to them I’m forever grateful, they chose me and that’s the greatest honor of my life. Wishing a very special Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. And to my two very own super hero’s in heaven, thank you, truly thank you because without you two strong, powerful women, I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t be a mother. Thank you for the greatest gift of my life.

To each, please honor however you feel today, whatever emotion it is, honor that.

With a very grateful heart, a mother.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
28
Apr
2022

How to Feel Less Anxious About The Future, Relationships And Finances


 

Are you feeling anxious or worried about your future, a relationship or finances? Is it keeping you up at night? Or is it affecting you every day life, your interpersonal relationships?

You’re not alone; one of the major worries in individual’s lives involves one of these aspects in many instances. Here in this blog let’s discuss some ways to support and lower your stress level.

 

Mindfulness to Reduce Anxiety

Mindfulness is one way for someone to lower stress levels. Mindfulness shifts perspective to what is going on in the current moment and less emphasis in the past or to the future. By becoming more present one is able to slow down racing thoughts and soften anxiety.

Mindfulness reduces stress as well as builds resilience with our responses to stressors. Check out Colette’s podcast on apple podcast today to try out some mindfulness mediations, newdayvitalitytherapy.com. Start somewhere, start here, and start today.

 

You Have the Ability to Be Empowered and Happy

You have the capability to feel less anxious and be empowered as well as happy by starting to ask yourself the question, what do I need? What can I give myself today? By practicing self- compassion and self- awareness we begin to seek our internal needs and in hand empower ourselves to live happier more fulfilled lives.

I encourage beginning to ask your self the magic question each day, what do I need today? And throughout the day checking in on how you can fulfill that need.

 

How Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Anxious, Calm and In Control

Therapy can help lower stress levels and put you back in the drivers seat, in control. Therapists are trained on ways to help build clients toolbox of support and resources to feel more regulated, grounded and centered.

If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety reach out to our team today, we are honored to support you and be apart of your journey, newdayvitalitytherapy.com.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

The People-Pleaser: A Trauma Survivor Mechanism


Some of us may be apt to help as much as possible. Some of us may know others who are consistently going out of their way to help others. In certain instances, this is a response to childhood trauma. When a person has grown up in an environment where their mental or physical well-being is threatened, people-pleasing may have been used as a survival skill in response to this threat. In childhood, this may have looked like not expressing yourself, your needs, or “talking back” to an authority figure to avoid conflict. This would be considered people-pleasing since the child is putting the needs of others ahead of their own.

As we become adults this trait can easily morph into people-pleasing in our interpersonal and occupational relationships. This can look like trouble saying “no” to tasks we truly do not want to take on. In the work environment, your boss may consistently go to you with overwhelming projects, and in relationships, you may feel pressure to help the other person as much as possible, even at the cost of your own wellness. Subconsciously this is done to avoid potentially experiencing a negative reaction from the other person. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or anxious when saying “yes” to someone, this may indicate a trauma-related response pattern. You may notice your body becoming tense, and experience resentment and psychological distress. Becoming self-aware and implementing boundaries is a step into un-programming this cycle. Consulting with a therapist is a great way to channel into the root of our trauma-related responses, and learning how to set healthy boundaries.

 

https://youtu.be/itZMM5gCboo

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D