Mental Health and the Holidays: Finding Balance in a Season of Joy

The holiday season is often marketed as a time of joy, celebration, and connection. Yet, for many, it can also bring about stress, anxiety, and even sadness. The pressure to meet social expectations, financial burdens, and the complexity of family dynamics can create an emotional rollercoaster. Understanding how the holidays impact mental health and how to manage these challenges is crucial for maintaining emotional well-being during this often overwhelming time.

The Pressure of Perfection

One of the most common mental health challenges during the holidays is the pressure to create the “perfect” holiday experience. From decorating the house to preparing elaborate meals and finding the ideal gifts, the list of tasks can feel never-ending. This constant striving for perfection can lead to burnout and feelings of inadequacy. Social media often exacerbates these feelings, with posts showcasing seemingly flawless holiday moments, making it easy to feel like you’re not measuring up.

The reality, however, is that no holiday is perfect. Embracing imperfection—whether it’s a burnt dinner or an unwrapped gift—can help ease the pressure. Rather than focusing on an idealized version of the holidays, try to focus on the smaller, more meaningful moments: a shared laugh with loved ones, a peaceful walk in the snow, or a quiet moment of reflection.

Family Dynamics and Expectations

For many people, the holidays also mean spending time with family, which can trigger complex emotions. While the holidays can be a time for bonding, they can also bring up old conflicts, unresolved issues, or feelings of loneliness, especially if family dynamics are strained. This can cause stress and anxiety, leading to emotional exhaustion.

Setting boundaries and practicing self-care is key during these times. It’s okay to say “no” to certain gatherings or activities if they feel overwhelming. If family interactions are difficult, try to find moments of calm for yourself, whether it’s stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air or engaging in a calming hobby like reading or journaling. Remember that your mental health comes first, and it’s important to prioritize your well-being.

Grief and Loneliness

The holidays can be especially tough for those who have experienced a loss—whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or simply the absence of someone who used to be part of your holiday traditions. Grief is a personal experience, and the emotions that surface during the holidays can feel magnified.

If you’re feeling lonely or grieving, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions come up. This might mean giving yourself a break from holiday festivities or creating new traditions that honor your feelings. Seeking support from friends, a therapist, or a grief support group can also provide comfort during this difficult time.

Managing Stress and Anxiety

The hustle and bustle of the holidays—combined with shorter days and less sunlight—can exacerbate stress and anxiety. To keep stress in check, try adopting healthy coping strategies, such as regular exercise, deep breathing, and mindfulness techniques. Taking time to relax, even if it’s just a few minutes a day, can make a big difference in managing anxiety.

Sleep is also vital. With so much to do, it’s easy to sacrifice rest, but getting enough sleep is essential for emotional regulation and overall well-being. Prioritize sleep and try to maintain a routine that allows you to rest and recharge.

Embracing the Season with Compassion

While the holidays may never be entirely stress-free, it’s possible to find a balance that nurtures your mental health. Focus on what matters most to you, whether it’s spending quality time with loved ones or taking time for self-care. Above all, remember that it’s okay to not feel “happy” all the time. Mental health is about finding balance and being kind to yourself, especially when the season feels overwhelming.

By managing expectations, setting boundaries, and seeking support when needed, we can navigate the holiday season with greater ease and mindfulness, ensuring that the season remains one of connection, warmth, and healing.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Mental Health, Holidays, and Boundaries: Prioritizing Well-Being During the Festive Season

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many, it can also bring stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Balancing the demands of family gatherings, social obligations, and personal expectations can overwhelm even the most well-intentioned. One key to maintaining your mental health during the holidays is learning how to set healthy boundaries.

Why Mental Health Matters During the Holidays

The holidays are a time when people are expected to be joyful and social, but for those struggling with mental health, this can feel like a heavy burden. Stress, anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness can become amplified during this time of year. According to mental health experts, seasonal changes, family tensions, and the pressure to meet high expectations can trigger negative emotions.

For example, holiday stresscan come from worrying about finances, managing hectic schedules, or trying to meet unrealistic expectations about “perfect” celebrations. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your holiday experiences to those portrayed on social media or TV. This pressure to create the “perfect holiday” can lead to burnout and diminished mental well-being.

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

One of the most effective ways to protect your mental health during the holidays is by establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries are limits we set to protect our emotional and physical well-being. During the holidays, boundaries might involve saying no to certain activities, limiting time spent with difficult people, or prioritizing time for self-care.

Without boundaries, it’s easy to overcommit or agree to social events that drain your energy. People-pleasing tendencies can lead to feelings of resentment or burnout, especially when trying to meet everyone’s expectations. Setting boundaries allows you to take control of your time and energy, ensuring that you don’t sacrifice your well-being for the sake of tradition or external pressures.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays

1.Be Honest and Clear

When it comes to family and friends, it’s important to communicate your needs openly. If you need to skip a gathering to recharge or opt out of a gift exchange, kindly explain why. Honesty helps others understand your position and can relieve feelings of guilt.

2.Know Your Limits

Identify your emotional and physical limits. If a full day of holiday shopping or hosting a big event feels overwhelming, it’s okay to scale back. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and peace, rather than committing to everything on your calendar.

3.Practice Self-Care

Taking time for self-care is not selfish—it’s essential. Whether it’s meditation, exercise, journaling, or simply enjoying a quiet evening, make sure you carve out time each day for activities that help you feel grounded and recharged.

4.Saying No is Okay

The holidays often come with an overwhelming number of invitations, requests, and expectations. Learn that it’s perfectly fine to say “no” when you need to. Saying “no” allows you to honor your mental health and keeps you from overcommitting.

Managing Holiday Anxiety and Stress

Holiday anxiety is common, especially when trying to juggle multiple responsibilities. You can manage holiday stress by sticking to a routine, practicing mindfulness, and focusing on the present moment. Techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm your mind and manage anxiety in the face of overwhelming expectations.

Additionally, managing your holiday finances is another area where boundaries can help. Overspending can create unnecessary stress, so setting a budget and sticking to it can provide peace of mind. Remember, the holidays are about connection and love, not extravagant gifts or lavish celebrations.

Conclusion

The holiday season can be a joyful time, but it’s also a time when mental health struggles can feel amplified. Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most important tools for protecting your emotional well-being during this time of year. By being mindful of your limits and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate the holidays in a way that feels balanced and sustainable. This holiday season, focus on what truly matters to you and practice kindness to yourself—your mental health deserves it.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

A Therapist’s Perspective on Turtles All the Way Down

The following post contains minor spoilers for the book and film adaptation of Turtles All the Way Down.

The film adaptation of Turtles All the Way Down, based on the novel by John Green, presents a heartfelt and nuanced exploration of mental health, specifically obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). As a therapist, watching Aza Holmes’ journey unfold on screen was a powerful experience, revealing the challenges and depth of living with a mental illness often misunderstood and trivialized. Here’s a deeper look at the film’s portrayal of OCD and some reflections on what it gets right about mental health and recovery.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Beyond Stereotypes

From the beginning, Turtles All the Way Down doesn’t shy away from portraying the complexity of OCD. For many, OCD is reduced to quirky behaviors like excessive hand-washing or a need for order. Yet, for Aza, her intrusive thoughts spiral into what she describes as a “thought spiral,” a vortex of worry that pulls her down and consumes her focus, rationality, and freedom.

The film’s portrayal of these thoughts and compulsions is refreshingly accurate. We see how OCD isn’t about “perfectionism” but rather an overwhelming need to alleviate the distress caused by intrusive, distressing thoughts. This painful process can create significant disruptions in daily life, relationships, and personal identity. As a therapist, I appreciated that the film brought these intricacies to light in a way that doesn’t minimize Aza’s suffering but instead treats it with gravity and compassion.

The Role of Relationships in Mental Health

The film also sheds light on the importance and challenges of relationships for someone experiencing mental health struggles. Aza’s relationship with her friend Daisy is marked by moments of connection and strain. The story illustrates how her OCD impacts their friendship and how Daisy struggles to understand and support Aza, sometimes feeling sidelined by Aza’s internal battle.

As therapists, we often remind clients of the power of healthy relationships in the healing process. Aza’s story illustrates the delicate balance between receiving support and maintaining independence while navigating the complexities of mental illness. Her relationships highlight how essential it is for friends and loved ones to practice patience and empathy, even if they don’t fully understand what someone with OCD is going through.

Self-Compassion in the Journey to Recovery

Perhaps one of the film’s most poignant messages is the idea that healing doesn’t necessarily mean “fixing” oneself. Throughout her journey, Aza grapples with an intense desire to “escape” from her mind and its painful spirals. However, she begins to learn to coexist with her thoughts rather than fighting against them constantly. This perspective is essential in therapy: the journey is not just about finding ways to eradicate one’s symptoms but about learning to coexist with them and finding value in oneself despite them.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in to the disorder but rather recognizing it as part of the current reality and choosing to engage with life in meaningful ways nonetheless. This compassionate approach to mental health is an essential part of therapeutic work, encouraging individuals to embrace themselves even when their challenges feel overwhelming.

The Power of Storytelling in Normalizing Mental Health Conversations

“Turtles All the Way Down” stands out as a narrative that encourages conversations about mental health without romanticizing or demonizing it. This open portrayal fosters awareness, empathy, and understanding in a way that few films achieve. As a therapist, I see storytelling as an invaluable bridge for clients, family members, and even society to better understand the often-hidden struggles of mental illness.

This film may resonate deeply with individuals who have OCD, anxiety, or any mental health condition that makes them feel isolated or misunderstood. It offers a reminder that they are not alone and that their experience is both real and valid.

Closing Thoughts: A Window into Compassionate Mental Health Representation

“Turtles All the Way Down” is a significant step toward a more empathetic and genuine portrayal of mental illness on screen. It highlights that while mental health issues can feel consuming, healing is often about building a relationship with one’s mind. This relationship takes time, effort, and compassion—not only from others but, most importantly, from oneself.

For therapists and mental health advocates, the film is a valuable tool for sparking discussions, normalizing struggles, and reminding those affected that their experience is valid and that help, healing, and hope are always within reach

A woman with long hair and headband holding flowers.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How Your Gut and Brain Talk to Each Other (And Why It Matters for Your Mental Health)

As a therapist, one of the most eye-opening things I get to share with clients is that mental health isn’t just in our heads—it’s in our entire bodies, especially in our gut! Yep, the gut and brain are in constant communication, sending messages back and forth all day, and this relationship has a huge impact on our mental health.

Why Does the Gut-Brain Connection Matter?

You know how when you're really nervous about something, you can actually feel it in your stomach—maybe like "butterflies" or even a stomachache? That’s your gut and brain talking. This connection, called the "gut-brain axis," goes both ways, so just as anxiety or stress can affect your gut, what’s going on in your gut can affect your mind.

In fact, our gut has been nicknamed the "second brain." It’s responsible for creating about 90% of the body’s serotonin—a chemical that plays a big role in mood. So if something’s off in your gut, it can throw off your serotonin levels, which might lead to feeling anxious, down, or just generally blah. This means that for many people, feeling better mentally might mean looking at gut health, too.

How Gut Health Affects Our Emotions

Our gut is home to trillions of little organisms, known as the microbiome, that help with everything from digestion to mood regulation. When this microbiome is healthy and balanced, it helps us stay emotionally steady and resilient. But if things go out of whack (due to stress, diet, or other factors), it can cause inflammation, which can lead to feeling irritable, anxious, or even down.

So yes, if you’re feeling persistently “off,” your gut could be trying to tell you something. This understanding can open new doors to healing—sometimes in ways we don’t expect.

What You Can Do to Support Your Gut-Brain Health

A big takeaway here is that mental health can benefit from small changes that care for both the mind and body. Here are some simple ways to support this mind-gut connection in your everyday life:

Manage Stress in Healthy Ways: Stress can be tough on our gut. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, or just taking time to slow down can reduce the impact of stress on your body. Taking breaks and allowing yourself downtime can make a big difference for both your mind and gut.

Watch What You Eat: Eating whole, fiber-rich foods (like veggies, fruits, and whole grains) can support gut health because these foods “feed” the good bacteria in your gut. Small changesmight be worth exploring. Consult a doctor/nutritionist.

Tune In to Your Body: We often forget to listen to our bodies! If you notice your stomach acts up when you’re stressed, or you feel down after eating certain foods, that’s valuable information. Paying attention to these patterns can be the first step in making choices that benefit both your gut and mind.

Move a Little Each Day: Physical activity doesn’t have to be intense to have an impact. Just moving—whether it's a walk, some light stretching, or dancing in your living room—can support gut health and boost your mood. Moving your body can also help you manage stress better, which your gut will thank you for!

Learn About the Gut-Brain Connection: It can be so empowering to understand how connected our body and mind are. When we learn how our thoughts, emotions, and physical health work together, it opens up new ways to care for ourselves.

Final Thoughts: Whole-Body Health for Whole-Body Healing

When we think about mental health holistically, we start to see the bigger picture. By taking small steps to care for both the gut and the brain, we’re giving our bodies the tools they need to support our overall well-being. It’s amazing how a little more balance in one area, like nutrition or stress management, can bring unexpected benefits to our mental health, too.

Healing isn’t just about one part of us; it’s about nurturing the whole self. So here’s to finding small, meaningful ways to support both mind and body on this journey.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

The Healing Power of Forgiveness: A Therapist’s Perspective on Ho’oponopono

Forgiveness can be one of the most powerful, transformative acts on the journey to healing and self-acceptance. As a therapist, I’ve seen the profound effect that forgiving others—and ourselves—can have on mental, emotional, and even physical health. Yet forgiveness can feel like a challenging, even overwhelming task. Often, clients express that they are unsure where to begin or fear that forgiving may mean condoning hurtful actions.

In many therapeutic approaches, forgiveness is recognized as a tool for reclaiming peace, releasing negative attachments, and building resilience. One traditional practice that embodies this idea beautifully is Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian spiritual tradition of reconciliation and forgiveness. It offers a gentle, powerful framework for letting go, and it serves as a beautiful addition to any healing journey.

Ho’oponopono: A Path to Reconciliation and Freedom

The Hawaiian word Ho’oponopono means “to make things right” or “to move things back to balance.” In its original form, Ho’oponopono was used within families and communities as a way to restore harmony, often with a leader guiding the process. However, the phrase most associated with modern Ho’oponopono, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” is now used as a personal, meditative practice for self-forgiveness, healing, and acceptance.

These four statements may appear simple, but the healing lies in their repetition and in truly allowing yourself to connect with each phrase. When practiced regularly, Ho’oponopono can help open the heart to self-compassion and release long-held grievances and self-judgments.

Here’s a closer look at the powerful meaning behind each of the four phrases in this practice:

“I’m sorry.”

This phrase acknowledges the pain or harm, whether you caused it, endured it, or just held onto it in your heart. Saying “I’m sorry” in this context is not about blame or guilt; rather, it’s an invitation to recognize the weight of the unresolved hurt and to begin releasing it. It’s a way of accepting what has happened without judgment.

“Please forgive me.”

Forgiveness is often more about liberation than absolution. When we ask for forgiveness, whether from ourselves or someone else, we are granting ourselves permission to step beyond the pain. Asking “please forgive me” is a way of acknowledging our humanity, our imperfections, and our desire to heal and move forward.

“Thank you.”

Gratitude, especially in challenging times, can feel counterintuitive but is transformative. “Thank you” here can be directed toward yourself, toward the process, or toward life itself. This phrase allows you to appreciate the journey and the growth that forgiveness brings, even when it's difficult.

“I love you.”

In Ho’oponopono, “I love you” is not necessarily directed at someone else; instead, it is often an affirmation of love toward oneself, the world, and life. Saying “I love you” reconnects us with compassion, reminding us that at the core of forgiveness is a return to love, both for others and for ourselves.

The Therapeutic Power of Forgiveness

In therapy, forgiveness work is a delicate and nuanced process. Forgiveness does not mean excusing behavior or dismissing pain. Instead, it’s about releasing the hold that the hurt has on us. Research has shown that practicing forgiveness, both toward others and oneself, can reduce stress, lower anxiety, and improve overall mental well-being. Letting go of resentments allows us to reclaim emotional energy, enhances our sense of freedom, and helps us build healthier, more resilient relationships.

I often encourage clients to practice Ho’oponopono as a grounding exercise in our sessions. When clients experience strong feelings of guilt, shame, or anger, this practice can act as a gentle anchor. Its repetitive, ritualistic nature is grounding, encouraging a gradual shift from judgment and resistance to acceptance and love.

How to Integrate Ho’oponopono into Your Daily Life

If you’d like to try this practice, consider setting aside a quiet space where you can reflect without interruptions. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and say each phrase with intention: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” You might direct these words toward a specific person or toward yourself. Remember, this practice doesn’t demand immediate results. With regular practice, though, it can offer deep relief, clarity, and a renewed sense of peace.

Forgiveness is an ongoing journey, not a one-time event. Ho’oponopono reminds us that forgiveness starts within, as we learn to let go of past hurts, release judgment, and make space for growth and healing. Through “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” we are invited to make peace with the past, ground ourselves in the present, and open our hearts to the future with compassion and resilience.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D