Healthy boundaries

Boundaries boundaries boundaries
Boundaries can be hard, sometimes even feel impossible but they are essential for our mental health, in fact they are normal. Here’s some awesome statements you can use to enforce or elicit a healthy boundary when needed and find it difficult to enforce.
  • I appreciate hearing your opinion, but I’m not willing to change my mind on this.
  • Can you explain your thoughts on this?
  • That has not been my experience.
  • I’m interested  by what you’re saying, though I’m not sure how it would work.
  • I would like it if we could just agree to disagree.
  • I’m putting my needs first and you won’t make me feel guilty.
  • I don’t feel like I have a chance to voice my opinion here.
  • I feel like I shut down when you take over the conversation.
  • That may have been the case in your situation. But in this situation, mine is different.
  • I understand why you think that might work. But here’s why it won’t for me.
  • I hear how you feel. But now it’s time to talk about how I feel.
  • I feel uncomfortable when you bring this up in front of everyone. Next time, please just talk to me about it when we are alone.
  • I’m an adult and capable of making my own decisions
  • My reasons are personal, and I don’t have to explain them to you or anyone else.
  • I have my reasons and I don’t have to explain them.
  • I do not have to explain myself to you or anyone else, ever.
  • I prefer not to say or answer.
  • I’m confident in my decision.
  • I won’t allow you to use guilt to control or change my mind. I have made my decision.
  • My feelings are as equally important as yours, they matter.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

21 days of mantras

I am a firm believer of the growth that comes from positive affirmations and mantras. Here’s a list of some of my favorite mantras, 21 to be precise. I encourage you to use one each day for the next 21 days. Feel the mantra. Own the mantra. Live the mantra.

Happiness is within my grasp.

I will succeed in all I put my energy in today.

I’m courageous and stand up for myself.

 I am strong. I am brave.

Even outside my comfort zone, I will be comfortable in my own skin.

 It’s ok to feel vulnerable.

I choose not to criticize myself or others around me.

Today I choose me.

If I fail, I will fail forward.

My potential to succeed is limitless.

My body is my temple. My mind is my magic.

Difficult times are part of my journey and allow me to appreciate the good.

I will accept nothing but the best.

I will show up authentically today.

I forgive those who have hurt me.

I am constantly improving.

I am evolving each and everyday.

Success is in my future.

I can do this.

I will succeed today.

The success of today will carry to tomorrow.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

How to show up authentically

Often a question that comes into conversation in therapy is how do I show up authentically? How do I show up as myself, flaws and all? I absolutely love this question. You know what it tells me? It tells me that the person is ready to be themselves, to be untamed, uncut, uncensored and real and this therapist heart smiles.

So here’s some helpful tips on how you can show up authentically.

Make decisions and commitments that align with your values, truth and beliefs
Listen to your inner voice and trust her, she won’t steer you wrong
Do what makes your soul happy
Spend time around those that accept you the exact way you are
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Go into experiences with an open heart
Be true to your needs and wants
Lead with empathy
Create a safe space for difficult conversations
Listen and respond to feedback
Align with your spirit
Be honest with yourself
Pursue your dreams and passion
Invite vulnerable conversations and interactions
Develop the courage to face your fears
Love yourself unconditionally
Check in with your true beliefs
Speak your truth
Find your life purpose
Affirm your potential
Be perfectly imperfect, be you. Showing up as yourself is the most freeing, liberating and extraordinary gift you can give yourself. Allow yourself time and patience while working towards living your truest most authentic self and have fun friends.

“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others’ prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.”

Roy T. Bennett
Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Slow Healing

Slow healing is most definitely something to celebrate friends.

Let’s talk about healing

How often I hear people say and ask about a time line for healing, how many months? How many hours ? How many days? How many years? Well the truth is it’s not linear and there’s not a time frame that anyone can ever give you. Healing is a bumpy road, with turns, twists, hills and valleys. The road to healing is the road to processing and that road isn’t always easy or simple. With that being said healing can be slow or slower then one may want and that’s ok because slow healing should most definitely be celebrated and is amazing.

Celebrate yourself on your healing journey

There’s ways you can celebrate yourself on your healing journey. Here’s a couple that I like to share with clients.
Focus on your accomplishments and strengths even if there small steps
Let go of expectations and time frames and fully emerge yourself on your journey.
Give yourself a hug, a big kudos for the hard work you’ve done and how your continuing to work on you, even when it’s hard.
Take time for you. Take a moment to just reflect on yourself and how far you’ve come.
Journal your experience, journal your feelings and your journey.

Support system, get your tribe involved to also support you on accomplishments.

Recite mantras that acknowledge and support your journey. Here’s some examples:

I’m healing
I’m putting myself first
I believe in me
I can do this
I honor myself
I honor my journey
I’m doing great
I’m proud of me
I’m a work in progress
I deserve unconditional love
I love myself
I can do this
I will give myself the love and compassion I deserve
I will practice self love today
I will do something kind for myself today
I will love myself a little more today
I will listen to my body
I will dream big
I deserve happiness
I own who I am, perfectly imperfect
All steps are steps, whether moving in a fast pace or slow. Take time to celebrate yourself and the work you have done and how far you have come. We all need to start somewhere. Start today.
Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella

Summer Vibes and Self-Esteem

So summer is here and you want to enjoy the summer, have great self-esteem, but also feel the pressure of looking and feeling great, don’t we all?

Let’s talk about some tips on how to really enjoy the summer through building your self-esteem.

So it’s time for the pool and the beach and your dreading getting out or purchasing a new bathing suit. I have a proposal for you. Close your eyes and envision what you want the bathing suit to look like on you, be realistic. Open your eyes and begin to slowly see that transition in the mirror. You will come to see that your ideal place and the way you look are different but perhaps not as different as you imagined.

Self-esteem growth and that bathing suit

So we all want to look and feel healthy but the pressure doesn’t help us. So what I encourage you to do is organically begin to take night walks. Mindfulness walks where you begin to truly take in the beauty of the summer. At the end of the walk I want you to thank your body for allowing you to go on this walk. Try to do this a couple times a week.

Self- love mantra

Start a new self-love mantra; one that incorporates the summer vibe you want to have this year. Every morning wake up with setting the intention to feel this vibe and attain it throughout the day. Summer love.

Surround yourself with love

Lastly what I want you to do is surround yourself with people that you can show up authentically around. People that see you for you and love you for that. There’s no easier and better way to be part of a tribe that real, raw and authentic, in fact it’s liberating.
Enjoy this summer my friends
Sending summer vibes your way
Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella