Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

24
Nov
2025

The Invisible Weight: Mental Health and Mom Life

 

Motherhood is often portrayed as pure joy: giggles, hugs, first steps, and milestones to celebrate. But for many moms, there’s an invisible weight that comes with the role—the constant mental load that never switches off. Between managing schedules, household tasks, work, and social expectations, it’s easy for mental health to take a backseat, leaving moms feeling exhausted, anxious, or guilty.

The mental load of motherhood isn’t just physical—it’s cognitive and emotional. It’s the running checklist in your head: dentist appointments, grocery lists, school forms, meal planning, laundry, birthday gifts, and social obligations. Even when the “to-do” tasks are done, the worry and responsibility remain. This persistent mental work can create stress that’s easy to underestimate because it’s invisible.

Anxiety and guilt often accompany this mental load. Moms may question if they’re doing enough, if they’re raising their kids “right,” or if they’re failing in some small, unseen way. Social media can amplify these feelings, offering curated snapshots of other families that seem effortless and perfect. Comparing your real life to someone else’s highlight reel is a recipe for self-doubt and burnout.

Recognizing the signs of mental health strain is crucial. Feeling constantly drained, emotionally reactive, or disconnected from the joys of motherhood are red flags. Mood swings, irritability, trouble sleeping, or a sense of persistent worry are not just “part of being a mom”—they’re signals that your mental health needs attention. Ignoring them can lead to longer-term stress, anxiety, or depression.

Self-care is essential, but it doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Small, intentional actions can have a big impact. Taking a few minutes each day to journal, meditate, or breathe deeply can create mental space. Asking for help, whether from a partner, friend, or family member, is not weakness—it’s strength. Setting boundaries and saying no to extra obligations preserves energy for what truly matters.

Another important tool is reframing expectations. Motherhood is not about perfection—it’s about showing up authentically. Accepting the messiness, the mistakes, and the unpredictable moments allows moms to give themselves grace. Teaching children that it’s okay to be imperfect models resilience and emotional health far better than a flawless household ever could.

Connecting with other moms or supportive communities also strengthens mental health. Sharing struggles, swapping coping strategies, or simply hearing “me too” can reduce isolation. Feeling understood and validated reminds moms they are not alone, even when the weight feels heavy.

Finally, professional support should never be overlooked. Therapy, counseling, or even brief check-ins with a mental health professional can provide coping strategies and perspective. Mental health is not a luxury—it’s foundational to being the kind of parent you want to be.

Motherhood is demanding, beautiful, exhausting, and complicated. Protecting mental health isn’t indulgent; it’s survival and empowerment. By acknowledging the invisible load, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing self-care, moms can navigate the challenges with more clarity, resilience, and joy. Your mental health matters—not just for you, but for your family, too.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
24
Nov
2025

Mom, Mental Health, and the Holiday Hustle

 

The holidays are supposed to be magical, right? Lights twinkling, music playing, family laughter echoing through the house. But for many moms, the reality is far from a Hallmark scene. It’s chaos disguised as celebration—cookies to bake, gifts to wrap, schedules to juggle, work emails to answer, and the endless mental list of “must-dos” that never seems to shrink.

Being a mom during the holiday hustle is a full-time job that comes without a manual. Society constantly tells us we should have it all: the Pinterest-perfect decorations, the Instagram-worthy family moments, a career that doesn’t skip a beat, and somehow, a glowing sense of personal fulfillment. The pressure to “do it all” is intense, and honestly, it can be crushing.

Some days, it feels like there’s a timer ticking over your head. You’re running from school drop-offs to shopping trips, from wrapping presents to decorating the house, all while trying to make sure the kids are happy, the partner is pleased, and you don’t burn out. And let’s be honest—the mental load of motherhood never switches off, not during the holidays, not ever. Your brain keeps a running tally of everything you need to do, everything you forgot to do, and everything you feel guilty about not doing perfectly.

So, what happens when the pressure mounts and the magic feels like a burden? Anxiety sneaks in. The joy gets diluted by stress. You start questioning if you’re “good enough” or if anyone else is keeping it together the way you’re pretending to. Maybe the house is messy, maybe dinner is late, maybe the gifts aren’t perfectly wrapped—and that’s OK. The truth is, perfection is an illusion, and chasing it only drains your mental energy.

Slowing down during this season is not selfish; it’s essential. It might look like letting the glittery Pinterest ideas go for something simpler. Maybe it’s ordering a store-bought pie instead of baking three from scratch. Maybe it’s turning down an invitation to a holiday event because your mental health needs a break. Slowing down isn’t giving up; it’s survival, and it’s teaching your children something more important than perfection—they’re learning that it’s okay to prioritize well-being over endless to-dos.

Mental health matters during the holiday hustle. The constant swirl of activity can trigger anxiety, sadness, or even depression, especially if there’s a history of loneliness, grief, or family tension. Moms are often the caretakers, but who’s taking care of them? It’s essential to recognize the signs: exhaustion that doesn’t go away with sleep, feeling constantly irritable, losing interest in things you usually enjoy, or feeling a heaviness that the holidays don’t lift. These are not weaknesses—they’re signals that your brain and body need care.

Self-care in this context doesn’t have to mean a spa day or a bubble bath every night (though that’s great if it happens). It can mean saying no to extra obligations, sitting down with a cup of coffee for five uninterrupted minutes, taking a walk, journaling your feelings, or simply breathing. These tiny acts of slowing down accumulate, giving you the mental space to actually enjoy moments that matter.

Being real about motherhood during the holiday hustle also means embracing the messiness. Maybe the cookie dough gets stepped on, maybe the wrapping paper ends up in a chaotic heap, maybe the kids fight or cry. It’s all part of life, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, showing up authentically—flawed and tired—is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your family. They learn resilience, empathy, and the real meaning of connection, not just perfection.

So, this holiday season, give yourself permission to step off the treadmill. Acknowledge that doing it all is impossible—and that’s okay. Slow down, breathe, and remember that your mental health is not optional. The true magic of the holidays doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from presence, connection, and the courage to take care of yourself while taking care of everyone else.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
24
Nov
2025

Self-Care: An Essential Pillar for Mental Health

 

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook one of the most important aspects of well-being: self-care. Often dismissed as a luxury, self-care is actually a fundamental component of maintaining good mental health. Taking deliberate steps to nurture yourself—emotionally, physically, and mentally—can reduce stress, enhance resilience, and improve overall life satisfaction.

Why Self-Care Matters

Self-care is more than indulgence; it’s a critical practice for sustaining mental health. Without regular self-care, stress and emotional exhaustion can accumulate, leading to anxiety, depression, irritability, and burnout. By prioritizing self-care, you create a foundation for emotional stability, better relationships, and clearer thinking. It allows you to recharge, set boundaries, and respond to life’s challenges from a place of strength rather than depletion.

Types of Self-Care

Self-care encompasses various dimensions, each contributing to overall mental well-being:

  1. Physical Self-Care: Adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, regular exercise, and routine medical care are essential for supporting both the body and mind. Physical well-being directly impacts mood, energy levels, and cognitive function.
  2. Emotional Self-Care: Taking time to acknowledge your feelings, practicing self-compassion, and expressing emotions in healthy ways support emotional regulation. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or seeking therapy are effective strategies.
  3. Mental Self-Care: Engaging in activities that stimulate your mind—reading, learning, creative hobbies—helps maintain cognitive health and provides a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
  4. Social Self-Care: Building and maintaining meaningful relationships can reduce feelings of isolation and provide essential support networks. Healthy connections foster a sense of belonging and reinforce emotional resilience.
  5. Spiritual Self-Care: For some, connecting with spiritual practices or personal values provides grounding and a sense of purpose. Meditation, prayer, or reflective practices can cultivate inner peace and reduce stress.

Practical Self-Care Strategies

Incorporating self-care into daily life doesn’t require major changes. Small, consistent practices can have a significant impact:

  • Schedule Downtime: Even short breaks during the day to breathe, stretch, or enjoy a quiet moment can reduce stress.
  • Set Boundaries: Learning to say no to excessive demands protects your mental health.
  • Prioritize Sleep: Establishing a consistent sleep routine restores energy and supports emotional stability.
  • Engage in Physical Activity: Walking, yoga, or other forms of movement release endorphins and improve mood.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness or meditation can reduce anxiety, increase focus, and improve emotional regulation.
  • Nurture Creativity: Creative outlets like painting, writing, or playing music provide emotional release and personal satisfaction.
  • Connect with Loved Ones: Spending quality time with friends or family reinforces social support and emotional resilience.

Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care

Many people struggle to prioritize self-care due to busy schedules, guilt, or societal expectations. Recognizing that self-care is not selfish is crucial. Viewing self-care as a necessary investment in your mental health reframes it from indulgence to responsibility. Start small, choosing one or two practices that feel manageable, and gradually expand your routine.

The Link Between Self-Care and Mental Health Improvement

Consistent self-care has measurable benefits for mental health. It reduces stress hormones, supports emotional regulation, and fosters resilience to life’s challenges. Individuals who practice regular self-care often report improved mood, greater clarity, and enhanced overall life satisfaction. Self-care also strengthens the ability to cope with setbacks, making it easier to navigate difficult emotions and situations.

Conclusion

Self-care is not an optional luxury—it is an essential pillar of mental health. By prioritizing your emotional, physical, mental, social, and spiritual needs, you create a strong foundation for well-being. Incorporating practical self-care strategies, setting boundaries, and challenging the notion that self-care is selfish can lead to profound improvements in mood, resilience, and overall life satisfaction. Taking time for yourself is a form of empowerment, enabling you to show up more fully in every aspect of your life. Remember, nurturing yourself is not just beneficial for you—it positively impacts your relationships, work, and daily experiences. Making self-care a priority is an investment in a healthier, happier, and more balanced life.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
24
Nov
2025

Modern Motherhood: Doing It All and Learning to Slow Down

 

Being a mom today comes with expectations that previous generations never faced. From managing careers and household responsibilities to nurturing children and maintaining social connections, modern mothers often feel like they are expected to “do it all.” While striving for balance is admirable, constantly pushing oneself can take a serious toll on mental health. Slowing down and prioritizing well-being is not only beneficial—it’s essential.

The Pressure of Doing It All

Mothers today face unique pressures. Social media often portrays flawless homes, perfectly dressed children, and moms who somehow manage full-time careers while baking homemade treats for school events. The reality, however, is far different. Many mothers juggle multiple responsibilities with little time for themselves. The expectation to excel in every area—parenting, work, social life, and self-care—can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy.

Recognizing the Signs of Overwhelm

It’s important for mothers to notice when the load becomes too heavy. Common signs include fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbances, and a sense of constant guilt. Anxiety or low mood can also emerge when mothers feel they are failing to meet expectations. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward meaningful mental health improvement.

The Benefits of Slowing Down

Slowing down doesn’t mean abandoning responsibilities; it means being intentional about where you invest your energy. Slowing down can improve mental health in several ways:

  1. Reduced Stress: Taking deliberate breaks or simplifying routines can lower stress levels, leading to better emotional regulation and patience.
  2. Improved Presence: Being fully present with children, partners, or oneself enhances connection and fulfillment, rather than rushing through every task.
  3. Better Self-Care: Allocating time for sleep, exercise, hobbies, or quiet reflection helps mothers recharge and maintain resilience.
  4. Enhanced Mental Clarity: Slower pacing allows for thoughtful decision-making and prevents mistakes caused by multitasking or exhaustion.

Practical Ways to Slow Down

  1. Prioritize Tasks: Identify what truly matters and let go of non-essential obligations. Not every chore or social expectation requires perfection.
  2. Set Boundaries: Saying no is a form of self-care. Establish limits on work, social commitments, and even household responsibilities when needed.
  3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindful breathing, meditation, or simply paying attention to small daily moments can anchor a mother in the present.
  4. Delegate and Accept Help: Share responsibilities with partners, relatives, or friends. Accepting help is not weakness—it’s a strength.
  5. Create Quiet Moments: Schedule intentional downtime, even if it’s just ten minutes with a cup of tea or a short walk outside.

Shifting Mindset Around Motherhood

A critical part of slowing down involves changing the narrative around “doing it all.” Perfect motherhood is a myth. The goal is sustainable, healthy parenting—not constant achievement. Celebrating small victories, embracing imperfections, and acknowledging personal needs can transform stress into a sense of empowerment and well-being.

Seeking Support

If feelings of overwhelm persist, professional support can make a meaningful difference. Therapists, counselors, or support groups can provide strategies tailored to the unique challenges of modern motherhood. Mental health support normalizes the struggles of parenting and offers tools to prevent burnout before it becomes severe.

Conclusion

Modern mothers are often expected to juggle endless responsibilities while maintaining a polished appearance of success. However, doing it all without slowing down can jeopardize mental health. By setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and practicing mindfulness, mothers can create space for mental health improvement and a more sustainable approach to parenting. Slowing down is not a sign of weakness—it’s an essential step toward thriving, both as a parent and as an individual. By embracing imperfection and focusing on what truly matters, moms can cultivate a more peaceful, fulfilling life while still giving their best to their families.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
24
Nov
2025

Coping with Depression During the Holidays Around Family

 

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration, yet for many people living with depression, it can be one of the most difficult times of the year. Family gatherings, expectations of happiness, and the pressure to engage in festivities can amplify feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness. Understanding why the holidays are challenging and exploring strategies for coping can help individuals navigate this time more gently.

Why the Holidays Can Trigger Depression

For people struggling with depression, family dynamics can intensify difficult emotions. Childhood experiences, unresolved conflicts, or complicated relationships may resurface during gatherings. Holidays can also highlight losses—of loved ones, relationships, or even opportunities—triggering grief and nostalgia. The contrast between social media portrayals of “perfect” holidays and personal experiences can create feelings of inadequacy or isolation. Even positive interactions can be stressful when expectations clash with reality, or when social interaction feels overwhelming.

Recognizing Symptoms Around the Holidays

Depression during the holidays may manifest in various ways. Some individuals experience increased fatigue, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or overeating. Emotional symptoms such as irritability, tearfulness, or persistent sadness may surface more acutely in family settings. Others may notice heightened anxiety about family gatherings, leading to avoidance or withdrawal. Recognizing these patterns early allows for proactive coping rather than reactive distress.

Strategies for Navigating Family Gatherings

  1. Set Realistic Expectations: Accept that no family is perfect. Expecting flawless harmony can increase disappointment and anxiety. Recognize that small moments of connection, rather than grand gestures, are valuable.
  2. Create Boundaries: Determine what you can realistically manage in terms of time, conversation topics, and participation in activities. It is okay to step away, leave early, or politely decline invitations when needed.
  3. Plan Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional and physical needs. This may include scheduling quiet time, going for walks, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in comforting hobbies. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential for managing depression.
  4. Have a Support System: Connect with a friend, therapist, or support group who understands your struggles. Having someone to talk to during the season can provide relief, reassurance, and validation.
  5. Prepare for Triggers: Family gatherings often bring up unresolved issues or old patterns. Identify potential triggers and rehearse coping strategies, such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or redirecting conversations.
  6. Limit Comparisons: Social media and holiday movies often portray unrealistic levels of joy and togetherness. Remind yourself that your experience is valid, even if it doesn’t match the “perfect holiday” narrative.
  7. Practice Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and patience. Depression can intensify self-criticism, especially during social events. Acknowledge small victories, like attending a gathering or maintaining a healthy routine.

When to Seek Professional Help

If depression worsens during the holidays, interferes with daily functioning, or leads to thoughts of self-harm, reaching out to a mental health professional is crucial. Therapists can provide coping strategies tailored to family dynamics and offer support for navigating complex emotions. In severe cases, medication or other treatments may be appropriate to stabilize mood.

Looking Ahead

The holidays can be challenging, but they can also be an opportunity for growth, self-awareness, and building resilience. By acknowledging the impact of depression, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, individuals can create a more manageable and meaningful holiday experience. Even small steps—like taking a few moments for yourself or connecting authentically with one supportive family member—can make a significant difference.

Conclusion

Depression during the holidays, especially around family, is a common but often hidden struggle. Recognizing triggers, managing expectations, and prioritizing self-care can help individuals navigate this season with greater ease. Remember, it is not necessary to feel joyful at all times—honoring your emotions and seeking support when needed is the most powerful gift you can give yourself. This holiday season, focusing on emotional well-being and compassionate connection, even in small doses, can make the difference between surviving the holidays and truly finding moments of peace amidst the challenges.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D