Colette Lopane-Capella

Feb

2022

Therapeutic Tool for The COVID Scaries

The COVID Scaries – yes, it is the new Sunday Scaries and it is real. You feel a slight sore throat, a tinge of a headache, or a body ache and you begin to panic. You are preoccupied with getting sick, keeping clean, and knowing if those around you are also safe and protected. The threat that COVD-19 brought to our world is heartbreaking, but the threat that COVID-19 brought to our mental state is just as deprecating. What we went through due to COVID-19 is absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt- traumatic. Now, with all traumas, everyone handles them differently. The same upsetting incident can happen to two different people, but each individual comes out of the incident differently- some move on seamlessly and others are deeply affected by the incident (and both reactions are okay). However, those who were not deeply or emotionally affected by COVID likely are not feeling any additional anxiety or extra worries. If you are someone who noticed an increase of anxiety and preoccupation with your health since the pandemic then this is the read for you- let’s go through a therapeutic tool I like to call “Is it COVID or Anxiety?” we can use to help us cope.

1. Play a Game: Is it COVID or Anxiety?

The next time you feel somatic (a fancy word for bodily) ache or discomfort and associate this symptom with possible COVID I want you to catch yourself before this thought/ worry manifests into something bigger. Mentally ask yourself, “Is it COVID or Anxiety?”, most likely it is just anxiety. Remember, that anxiety usually presents itself with somatic symptoms such as body aches, headaches, sweating, feeling clammy, chest pains, lightheaded and fatigued along with many other bodily sensations and discomforts. Many of these anxiety-related symptoms are also associated with COVID, so just because you are feeling a certain bodily sensation does not necessarily mean it is COVID. Notice that if the symptoms go away with medication or only last at best a few hours then you are likely in the clear. Also notice that if the symptom does not worsen you are once again likely in the clear. The mind and the power of anxiety are quite fascinating. If you have a preoccupation with feeling ill, then you will feel ill. Let’s say you are feeling chest pains. If you place your focus on the chest pain rather than allow your thoughts to move elsewhere then the chest pain will persist and perhaps even worsen; mind you this pain is not at all physical health related, but mental health related because it is the power of anxiety.

https://mhanational.org/self-help-tools

Feb

2022

How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety & Fear

This is a great question and for many something at some point in one’s life that is faced.

The cycle of anxiety and fear is a vicious cycle. One that is reoccurring and significantly impacts a persons daily life.

Living in a constant world of threat and potential threat has been reported by many stuck in this cycle of anxiety and fear.

For many avoidance contributes to this cycle and because an individual feels anxious they tend to avoid going to different situations and in hand this cycle grows and gradually works to other parts of the persons life, becoming very distressing.

So how do we reverse the cycle of anxiety and fear? Here is some helpful tips on ways to break the vicious cycle.

Coping skills is key, learning alternative ways of reducing anxiety in situations gives a good chance of eliciting structure and halting the cycle of fear and anxiety.

Reality checks, cognitive restructuring or questioning is another way to break the cycle, whenever something stressful arises, or fear triggers an anxiety response, so a reality check. Ask your self questions like how valid is this fear? How true is this thought? Is there immediate danger. Most of the time, the thought or stressor is fear driven proving to have no reality or truth to it, in hand breaking the cycle.

Mindfulness is another great tool to break the cycle, focusing more on the here and now, vs the what if and the future can help to eliminate fears, rumination and intrusive thoughts about the future.

Exposure is another way to halt the cycle, exposure is like undoing or unlearning a fear, by doing this an individual is practicing response prevention. Exposure helps to break the cycle by eliminating the reliance of inefficient anxiety reduction tools, changing the pattern, ending the cycle.

The anxiety and fear cycle is vicious, however breaking just one link can help to breaking the cycle and living a happier, anxiety-free life.

If you or someone you know is dealing with anxiety and fear, reach out to New Day Vitality Psychotherapy, private practice in Larchmont NY, the anxiety experts are here and ready to help.

https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/g25629970/positive-affirmations/

Feb

2022

Slay the Anxiety Stress Away

Slay The Anxiety/ Stress Away

Often I see clients at my practice in Westchester NY for counseling and therapy with stress and anxiety like symptoms, which can become fairly intrusive in their lives. So let’s talk about some simple ways to start to slay the anxiety/ stress away.

First, let’s try to figure out what’s causing this anxiety, is it something to do with the environment, is there an identified trigger? And if so, let’s make the changes to begin to alleviate the trigger so that we can begin to lower the anxiety.

Second, what can we do now in this moment to lower the anxiety? I often have my client’s journal their emotions. Journaling is a healthy outlet and coping skill with enormous therapeutic benefits, so get that note pad, diary out and begin to journal these emotions and feelings to let them out.

Next, how about some positive self talk, reassuring self-talk. Positive statements and reassuring statements can help to lower the stress or anxiety level in the moment. You can say things as “this to shall pass”, “I’m ok, I’m safe” try it out today and feel and see the difference.

Breathing exercises are also extremely helpful with lowering stress levels. Take a 5- 10-minute break, sit your self down in a quiet and relaxed space and work on doing some deep breathing. Breathing in through your nose out through your mouth. Try doing counts of 4, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and breathe out for 4 seconds, consistently focusing on your breath.

Practicing mindfulness is also a great way to lower stress levels. Being in the moment, slowing it all down and working in the here and now is a wonderful way to lower levels of stress. Focus on your five senses, bring yourself to this very moment, when you focus more on your senses you will become less tense, hence lowering your stress level.

Another way to lower stress or anxiety levels is essential oils. Lavender is a wonderful essential oil that has many healing properties and is a natural remedy to lower stress levels. Whether it’s applying the lavender to your skin or using a diffuser with the scent, both can help to lower levels of stress.

Next, we can work on the elimination of negative self-talk. Negative self-talk can leave you feeling unmotivated, stressed and overwhelmed. Thoughts precede feelings and negative thoughts lead to negative emotions and feelings, which in hand lead to negative behaviors. The good news is we have the choice to change this and work on acknowledging the negative self-talk and in hand replacing it with positive self talk.

Another idea is exercise. Exercising increases endorphins which in hand results in positive feelings and emotions. Whether it be walking on the treadmill at a gym or going for a nice walk, exercise can become a key factor in feeling more calm and relaxed and lower stress levels.

Lastly, relaxation exercises are extremely beneficial with lowering stress level. Whether it’s a guided meditation or a progressive muscle relaxation exercise, all can be beneficial in lowering the stress level.

So today’s a NEW day, a NEW you and together we can make these changes to lower your stress, anxiety level. Try out these simple tools and tips above and let’s work together to get you to a better place.

Feb

2022

National Coming Out Day – A Queer Cis-Female Therapist’s thoughts

October 11 th is National Coming Out Day. Coming out is an extremely sensitive, brave, and ongoing decision one makes to be their most authentic self.

I came out approximately 10/11 years ago. I felt all the feelings one would feel; shame, fear, anger (towards self), and hopelessness. I had to come out to myself first, by acknowledging and accepting this is who I was, then to my immediate friends and family, and then to the world. I also continue to make this choice every day by being myself in the world.

Coming out is not always safe for everyone, I was lucky in my case it was. I had a support system that made an effort to listen and understand, without judgment. Funny thing is I still sometimes find this hard to do for myself.

Why is it important that I write this, identifying myself as a queer cis-female therapist? When we’re in the process of exploring our sexuality/identity, all we can think about is how much our loved ones and the world is going to reject us, judge us, be disgusted by us, and cast us out. Yes, I felt this way about therapists too. As much as we like to think we’re the least judgmental, we are ALL born with biases. When I made the choice to enter the social work field, I made a promise to myself that I would not lose who I was in the process, or ever. I’ve walked out of therapy sessions where I felt there wasn’t genuine care/concern in the therapeutic alliance. In order for you to show me who you are, you need to know a little bit of who I am. How can I ask someone to be vulnerable with me, without identifying my vulnerability, the vulnerability we all experience as humans.

I say this to say, I care about you, I welcome you, I embrace you, I do not see you as “wrong”. I do not judge you, I accept you, I AFFIRM you, and all of you.

I was born 31 years ago, but sometimes I feel like my story didn’t start until I was 22. Fast forward to today and I am currently happy in a relationship with a woman. I understand now that I am constantly given a choice to continue to live by my values or against them. I value authenticity, I value honesty, and I value connection. And the truth is, living by my values means more to me than the risk of being rejected when it comes to my life. I knew that the fear of staying the same was greater than the fear of change. I knew when I became older and had less time, I would look back and wish I gave this one shot at life all I got, as who I am. I couldn’t experience any of these values if I shut out parts of myself to myself and the world.

I am still learning how to be comfortable with myself in a world that wants to continue to send me messages that who I am is wrong, disgusting, and abnormal. I still look around in public places for safety before I kiss or hold my girlfriend’s hand. I still feel the pit in my stomach as I share a public display of affection and know my friends/family are watching. Coming out is not just a one-time thing. Its not just on National Coming Out Day. It’s a decision I make every single day and will make for the rest of my life.

This is my story, it’s time to start yours. Whatever you decide to do, please know that I see you, I am here, and I am ready to support you through your journey.

https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm

Feb

2022

Couples: 5 Relationship repair tips for cracks in your connection

Whether you have been together for years or just a couple of months you will have points in your relationship where you feel the connection has dwindled a bit. You may feel your putting in too much effort and your partner has become aloof and absent. Perhaps, you feel you two are at a standstill and the relationship isn’t progressing or maybe you feel you two are on different pages, that your lifestyles don’t match up anymore. Regardless of what the reason for the disconnection is, if the relationship is important to you there are always tricks of the handle to try and resurface a strong connection.

1. Discover your (and your partners) love language

Are you someone whose love language is words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Knowing your love language is important and will help you communicate with your partner what makes you feel appreciated and closer to someone. Knowing your partners love language is equally as important because you want to be providing your partner with actions that matter to them and that take the guesswork out of what they are needing from you.

2. Take space

No, this does not mean going on a break! Taking space simply means taking a step back from the situation. Your disconnection with your partner may be such a constant trail of thoughts on your mind that you may need to step back and reconnect with yourself first. Sometimes we allow our thoughts to get ahead of us and we will make a mountain out of a molehill. There could be a chance the disconnection you are feeling about your relationship is actually not as major as your negative thoughts have allowed you to believe. Your partner may not be even feeling the crack! So ask yourself, “Is this situation really that big of a deal, or is it all in my head?”

3. Bring it back to the beginning

There is a theory that if you bring yourself to the spot where your love was at its strongest, the feelings you had there will return. Where was the date you two felt in total contentment and deep connection? Where you felt you two were at your best? Go back to that spot. Being at this spot may re-spark your initial feelings and allow you to remember what your bond felt like before.

4. Go get some cocktails together

Sounds like a first date, right? How long has it been since you heard from someone your interested in, “Hey, want to meet up for some drinks?”….probably too long! Go to one of your favorite restaurants together, put the phone away and act like this is your first night out on the town together! Having fun can be easily forgotten with all the noise. This can also be done COVID style by bringing the cocktails at home. Have a cocktail-making night; most grocery stores have delicious kits and mixes to make right at home.

5. Just ask

If you feel there is a disconnection in your relationship and you are not liking it, just straight up ask your partner if anything is wrong or if they have been feeling the same way lately. This is probably the scariest and most serious option out of them all, but probably the one that will give you the most clarity and answers to your concern(s). Lay out on the table what has been bothering you and what you have been feeling lately. Write it down beforehand if you want; sometimes the most intimidating conversations are the ones that are the most necessary.

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