partner

07
Jul
2022

The Tough Break Up


 

Breaking up is never easy. Even if your the one who broke up with your partner it doesn’t take away from the sadness of the significant chapter change.

I broke up with my partner, now what?

You broke up with your partner, you guys weren’t connecting anymore, you have different goals for your future or you just simply weren’t in love anymore, now what? So much time and energy was spent on this partner, where does that time go now?
First it’s important to focus on you. Focus on your healing from the split. Ask yourself the question, what do I need? Self care and self love should be your priority and doing things that bring you joy.

We broke up and now I feel lonely.

So you broke up and now feel lonely, what to do with your time?
Try first by doing things you enjoy, perhaps outings, hiking, even going to the broadway shows. If that doesn’t work, take on a new hobby, something that brings you interest and want to try. Get friends or family members involved as well, this way everyone can enjoy the new hobby.

I feel like I have no one to talk to after the break up.

Common, very common, often this is one the complaints someone will have directly after a break up. It’s important to utilize your support group, love ones who you can call and speak to. If you don’t find that connection there’s a bunch of online groups for others who are going through something similar. Joining a group can help to feel less alone and more validated.
Lastly if you are struggling after a break up and need professional support, reach out to a local psychotherapist. A therapist can help to support and guide you through the break up to a new found you and life.
If you or someone you know has recently had a break up and seeking support, give us a call today. We are honored to apart of the journey. Newdayvitalitytherapy.com
Check out this awesome mediation to help regulate emotions after a break up

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Couples: 5 Relationship repair tips for cracks in your connection


Whether you have been together for years or just a couple of months you will have points in your relationship where you feel the connection has dwindled a bit. You may feel your putting in too much effort and your partner has become aloof and absent. Perhaps, you feel you two are at a standstill and the relationship isn’t progressing or maybe you feel you two are on different pages, that your lifestyles don’t match up anymore. Regardless of what the reason for the disconnection is, if the relationship is important to you there are always tricks of the handle to try and resurface a strong connection.

1. Discover your (and your partners) love language

Are you someone whose love language is words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Knowing your love language is important and will help you communicate with your partner what makes you feel appreciated and closer to someone. Knowing your partners love language is equally as important because you want to be providing your partner with actions that matter to them and that take the guesswork out of what they are needing from you.

2. Take space

No, this does not mean going on a break! Taking space simply means taking a step back from the situation. Your disconnection with your partner may be such a constant trail of thoughts on your mind that you may need to step back and reconnect with yourself first. Sometimes we allow our thoughts to get ahead of us and we will make a mountain out of a molehill. There could be a chance the disconnection you are feeling about your relationship is actually not as major as your negative thoughts have allowed you to believe. Your partner may not be even feeling the crack! So ask yourself, “Is this situation really that big of a deal, or is it all in my head?”

3. Bring it back to the beginning

There is a theory that if you bring yourself to the spot where your love was at its strongest, the feelings you had there will return. Where was the date you two felt in total contentment and deep connection? Where you felt you two were at your best? Go back to that spot. Being at this spot may re-spark your initial feelings and allow you to remember what your bond felt like before.

4. Go get some cocktails together

Sounds like a first date, right? How long has it been since you heard from someone your interested in, “Hey, want to meet up for some drinks?”….probably too long! Go to one of your favorite restaurants together, put the phone away and act like this is your first night out on the town together! Having fun can be easily forgotten with all the noise. This can also be done COVID style by bringing the cocktails at home. Have a cocktail-making night; most grocery stores have delicious kits and mixes to make right at home.

5. Just ask

If you feel there is a disconnection in your relationship and you are not liking it, just straight up ask your partner if anything is wrong or if they have been feeling the same way lately. This is probably the scariest and most serious option out of them all, but probably the one that will give you the most clarity and answers to your concern(s). Lay out on the table what has been bothering you and what you have been feeling lately. Write it down beforehand if you want; sometimes the most intimidating conversations are the ones that are the most necessary.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Couple in Quarantine


 

In the interview below I share some pointers for couples during quarantine, and other mental health resources. Be well, be safe, be easy my friends 👫¸

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

You’re Not Really Into Him


 

When dating someone, you can be pretty sure if he is into you or not, right? All those big and small signs of someone’s affection are hard to miss. Or the lack of those signs – you simply know when someone is not investing in your relationship as much as you have expected. But, can you as easily recognize whether or not you are into him? Check out the signs below to help you decide.

1. You are not “dying” to See Him

At first, you were super excited to see your boyfriend. You would get all fidgety before thedate, and couldn’t wait to spend the evening with him. However, thereare nobutterflies in your stomach when you are with him anymore. Your enthusiasm somehow vanished already and now you’re neutral when he asks youon a date. A sure sign that you’re not really into him.

2. You are Making Plans without Him

You’ve made an exciting plan to visit Europe next summer. You already have an itinerary, all those exciting places you are going to visit and the things you plan to do…You can’t wait tostart packing your bags! You simply know you and your best friend will have a vacay of a lifetime.

Ups… your best friend? Let’s be honest… a lack of desire to do things together doesn’t look promising- making plans without your boyfriend obviously means that you’re not really into him. In addition, if you catch yourself daydreaming about freedom and singleness, you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend and give yourself some time on your own.

3. You don’t like Being Alone with Him Anymore

You might have been inseparable at the very beginning of your relationship. Yet, these days you find the company of your friends much more enjoyable. Even the time spent alone seems more appealing. If you look forward to nights out with your friends more than your dates with him, this might be a sure sign that it is time to move on.

4. You Lose Your Temper Easily

It is totally normal to argue with your partner. Everyone fights from time to time. However, if your arguments happen daily and you find that you cannot have a conversation without raging at your boyfriend, it may be time to think about your feelings and the real issues behind those everyday fights that you are most likely avoiding to address.

5. You have Other Priorities

Do you rather choose to stay at home and watch a movie than go out with your boyfriend? You often stay at your office longer than you actually need and then excuse yourself that you are too tired to see him? When you start choosing your friends, family, or work over your partner, ask yourself if you’re really into him. If he is not an important part of your life, why bother?

6. You Think You Can Do Better Than Him

You don’t approve of his choice of friends, don’t respect his career, or you don’t like his family? Do you constantly have a feeling that you can do better? Cause if you do, save yourself the trouble and consider moving on with your life.

7. You no Longer have Sexual Desire

There is a lack of passion and interest in sex with your partner. You simply don’t feel sexual towards him anymore. At the same time, you catch yourself fantasizing about your colleague… Not a good sign. And definitely, a red flag that you don’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore.

8. You Don’t Miss Him

When he is not around, you hardly think about your boyfriend. Moreover, you can go days without seeing him and be just fine about that. Not missing your boyfriend after days or weeks without seeing him is a sure sign that you are just not feeling him.

9. You have no Respect for Him

Being in love is an awesome feeling. Passion, desire, great sex…all of it counts. However, respect is vital for a good, fulfilling relationship. A relationship without respect never lasts long, no matter how attracted to him you might feel. When partners don’t respect each other, they are not open about their feelings and they don’t care what the other side wants, needs, or feels. Not promising. If you don’t think highly of your boyfriend or he embarrasses you, you obviously don’t like him as much as you thought.

10. You are Hesitant about Your Relationship’s Future

You are just not sure whether he is right for you or not. You are terrified even thinking of meeting his family and can’t help thinking that your relationship is progressing a bit too fast. If you don’t feel like nurturing your relationship and putting any effort to strengthen your bond, you need to admit it – you’re not really into him.

 

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
16
Feb
2022

Relationship Building


 

How can we build on our relationships with our significant others?

Communication is key for any relationship; When communication isn’t clear things begin to take a negative route. Communicating simply means developing healthy communication skills, not just hearing what the other person is saying but understanding the message the other person is trying to get across. Take the time to listen, understand and reflect on your significant others feelings.

Trust is another key component in building a stable long-lasting relationship. Ways to develop trust involve being reliable, telling the truth, and meaning what you say. Trust means openness, don’t keep secrets, honesty is always the best policy.

Be honest, be open and the relationship will grow from there.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D