mindfulness

24
Nov
2025

How to challenge negative self-talk and anxious thoughts

 

We all have moments where our thoughts feel like they’re running the show — fast, loud, and usually toward the worst-case scenario. Negative self-talk and anxiety-provoking thoughts can sneak in quietly, but once they grab hold, they shape how we feel, how we act, and even how we treat ourselves. The good news? You can learn to slow them down and soften their impact. You can learn to talk to yourself in ways that feel grounding, compassionate, and true.

Challenging negative thinking isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about creating space between you and your thoughts so you can respond, instead of react. It’s about noticing the stories your mind creates — especially when you’re worried — and choosing which stories deserve your energy.

Here’s how to start shifting that inner dialogue.

1. Notice the Thought Instead of Absorbing It

When a negative or anxious thought surfaces, most people instantly merge with it.

“I’m not doing enough.”

“What if something bad happens?”

“I can’t handle this.”

The very first step is awareness. You don’t have to agree with the thought, fight with it, or run from it. Just notice it.

Pause and say to yourself:

“I’m having the thought that…”

This simple phrase creates emotional distance.

“I’m having the thought that I’m not doing enough” is very different from “I’m not doing enough.”

Thoughts feel less powerful when you’re observing them rather than accepting them as truth.

2. Check the Evidence

Anxious thoughts love to present themselves as facts. But the mind, especially an anxious one, tends to overestimate danger and underestimate your ability to cope.

Ask yourself:

  • What evidence supports this thought?
  • What evidence goes against it?
  • If my best friend had this thought, what would I tell them?

This shifts thinking into a more realistic, balanced place. It interrupts the automatic worry spiral and brings your mind back into the present.

3. Challenge “All or Nothing” Thinking

Anxiety often speaks in extremes:

  • “If something goes wrong, it’ll be a disaster.”
  • “I always mess things up.”
  • “Nothing is ever going to get better.”

Try replacing absolute statements with more flexible ones:

  • “This might be uncomfortable, but I can handle it.”
  • “I’ve had hard moments before and got through them.”
  • “This is stressful, not catastrophic.”

Small language changes reshape the emotional impact of a thought.

4. Look for the Hidden “Shoulds”

Negative self-talk thrives on internal pressure:

  • I should be calmer.
  • I should know what to do.
  • I should be further along.

When you hear a “should,” replace it with:

“I’d prefer” or “I’m learning.”

For example:

  • “I should be calmer” → “I’d prefer to feel calmer, and I’m learning ways to support that.”

This softens judgment and builds self-compassion — the antidote to anxiety.

5. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

Worry pulls you into the future — into what ifs, worst-case scenarios, and possibilities that haven’t happened. Challenging worry involves coming back to right now, where you can breathe and choose your next step.

Try:

  • Feeling your feet on the floor
  • Taking slow, deep breaths
  • Naming five things you can see
  • Repeating, “I am safe in this moment.”

Grounding doesn’t eliminate anxiety, but it keeps you from being swept away by it.

6. Replace Self-Criticism With Curiosity

Instead of, “Why am I like this?”

Try: “What is this thought trying to protect me from?”

Anxious thoughts often show up because your brain is trying to prepare you or warn you — even when the threat isn’t real. Curiosity shifts the tone from judgment to understanding.

7. Practice Small, Consistent Reframes

Changing your thinking pattern is not a one-time fix. It’s repetition.

Some helpful reframes include:

  • “This thought isn’t a fact.”
  • “My anxiety is loud, but I’m still in control.”
  • “I can handle discomfort.”
  • “One thought doesn’t predict the future.”
  • “I can slow down and respond.”

With practice, these become your new default settings.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Pause

You don’t have to solve a problem the moment anxiety shows up. You can take a break, breathe, stretch, step outside, or come back later.

Worry demands urgency — your job is to create space.

A pause tells your nervous system:

“I choose the pace. Not my anxiety.”

Final Thoughts

Challenging negative self-talk and anxious thoughts is an ongoing process — a gentle unfolding. You’re not trying to silence your mind; you’re learning to lead it. Over time, the thoughts that once felt heavy and consuming lose their grip, and you gain confidence in your ability to cope.

This is what healing looks like:

Not the absence of anxious thoughts, but the presence of a calmer, kinder voice inside you — one that reminds you that you’re capable, resilient, and allowed to exhale.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
12
Nov
2025

The Power of One Good Friend: How True Connection Heals and Sustains Us

 

In a world that glorifies productivity and independence, we often underestimate the quiet, healing power of friendship. Not the kind of friendship measured in likes or followers — but the kind that sees you, holds space for you, and helps you feel less alone in the middle of life’s hardest seasons.

It’s easy to think we need a large circle of friends to feel supported. But the truth is, sometimes one honest, loyal, and loving friend can make all the difference. Genuine connection is one of the greatest protectors of mental health, especially when you’re navigating life’s challenges — relationships, raising children, work stress, or the grief and uncertainty that inevitably arise over time.

Why Real Friendship Matters for Mental Health

Human beings are wired for connection. From birth, our nervous systems seek safety and regulation through relationships. Just as food nourishes the body, genuine friendship nourishes the mind and spirit. When we have someone who truly listens, we feel validated, grounded, and understood. That sense of belonging literally calms the body, lowering stress hormones and promoting emotional balance.

Research consistently shows that close, supportive relationships improve mood, resilience, and even longevity. Having a good friend — someone you can be your unfiltered self with — acts as a buffer against anxiety, depression, and burnout. It reminds you that you don’t have to carry everything alone.

But beyond the science, there’s something deeply human about it: knowing that someone cares enough to walk beside you through both the light and the dark.

The Gift of One Real Connection

It’s natural to go through seasons where your circle becomes smaller. Maybe motherhood changed your priorities, or a demanding job left less time for socializing. Maybe certain relationships faded because they no longer felt aligned. That’s part of growth.

What matters most isn’t how many friends you have, but the quality of the connections you maintain. One real friend — someone who shows up without judgment, who tells you the truth with kindness, who celebrates your wins and sits quietly with you in loss — can be more healing than a dozen surface-level relationships.

A true friend gives you the courage to be authentic. They remind you of your strength when you forget it yourself. They don’t fix your pain, but they stay close while you move through it. In that kind of space, your nervous system relaxes, your emotions feel safe to unfold, and healing happens naturally.

Navigating Life’s Challenges with Friendship as Anchor

Life inevitably brings seasons of challenge: the exhaustion of parenting, the uncertainty of career changes, the heartbreak of relationships ending, or the quiet loneliness of feeling unseen. During these times, connection becomes essential medicine.

  • In relationships: A good friend helps you see patterns, speak your truth, and rebuild self-worth when love feels complicated.
  • In parenting: Friendship offers perspective and laughter — reminders that you’re not alone in the chaos or the self-doubt.
  • At work: Supportive friends outside of the professional sphere remind you of your value beyond performance and productivity.
  • In loss or transition: A true friend helps you hold the grief without rushing you toward positivity. They let you be exactly where you are.

Even if you’ve faced betrayal or disappointment in past friendships, it’s never too late to invite new, more aligned connections. Sometimes that begins with simply allowing yourself to be seen again — to take the risk of vulnerability, trusting that you’re worthy of genuine care.

How to Nurture and Attract Genuine Friendships

  1. Be Honest About Where You Are.
    Real connection starts with truth. You don’t need to appear “together” all the time. Authenticity invites authenticity.
  2. Invest Time, Even in Small Ways.
    Send a message. Make that coffee date. Small gestures nurture big bonds. Consistency matters more than perfection.
  3. Listen to Understand, Not to Fix.
    The best friendships are built on empathy, not advice-giving. Sometimes just being present is the most healing act.
  4. Appreciate What’s Real.
    Gratitude deepens connection. Let your friends know what you value about them — that they matter.
  5. Stay Open to New Connections.
    As life shifts, so will your circle. Be willing to meet people where you are now, not where you used to be.

Friendship as a Form of Therapy

As a therapist, I often see how isolation quietly fuels distress. When someone begins to open up to a friend, they rediscover a sense of belonging that therapy alone can’t replace. The combination of professional support and heartfelt friendship can be profoundly healing.

Good friends mirror back our worth. They remind us of who we are beneath the stress, the roles, and the responsibilities. And in doing so, they help restore something sacred — the belief that we are lovable exactly as we are.

A Closing Thought: The Beauty of Enough

You don’t need a crowd to be supported. You need presence, not popularity. You need truth, not performance. You need that one person who reminds you that you are enough — and that you don’t have to face this life alone.

So cherish the friendships that feel honest and mutual. Water them. Protect them. And if you’re still searching for that kind of connection, trust that it’s never too late to find — or to become — that kind of friend yourself.

Because sometimes, one real friend is all it takes to make the world feel a little softer.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
12
Nov
2025

Living Organic and Authentic: Returning to the Root of Who You Are

 

In a world that often celebrates speed, performance, and constant connection, living organically and authentically can feel like swimming upstream. Yet beneath the noise of comparison and pressure lies a simple truth: we feel most alive when we are real — when we return to our natural rhythm and express ourselves from a grounded, honest place.

What It Means to Live Organically

To live organically doesn’t just mean buying fresh produce or choosing natural products (though that’s part of it). It means aligning your outer life with your inner values — growing and responding to life in ways that feel natural rather than forced. Living organically is about allowing yourself to evolve in your own time, in your own way, without the constant pruning of perfectionism.

Organic living honors the body’s need for rest, nourishment, and movement. It’s a rhythm that allows for imperfection and change. Just like organic soil, your inner world needs time and care to stay fertile. This means slowing down enough to listen — to your energy, your emotions, and your truth — instead of rushing to meet external expectations.

When you live organically, your choices stem from awareness rather than reaction. You become more attuned to what truly sustains you, rather than what simply distracts or depletes you.

Authenticity as a Practice, Not a Performance

Authenticity has become a buzzword, but it’s far deeper than “just being yourself.” True authenticity means showing up as you are — not the curated version, but the whole you: uncertain, curious, and human. It involves accepting the parts of yourself you might have learned to hide and allowing your inner and outer worlds to align.

Living authentically often requires unlearning. Many of us were taught, directly or subtly, to shape-shift — to be agreeable, productive, or pleasing in order to belong. Over time, that conditioning can create a split between who we are and who we think we’re supposed to be.

To live authentically means repairing that split. It’s a process of gently asking:

  • What feels real for me right now?
  • What do I truly value, beyond what’s expected of me?
  • Where am I saying “yes” when my body and heart are saying “no”?

Authenticity invites us to listen deeply — not just to our thoughts, but to the quiet signals of our body and intuition. It asks for honesty, even when honesty leads to change.

The Intersection of Organic and Authentic Living

Organic and authentic living are deeply intertwined. To be authentic, we must live organically — free from rigid timelines and external molds. To live organically, we must be authentic — making choices that align with our real selves rather than social scripts.

Consider how plants grow. They don’t rush to bloom before they’ve rooted. They lean toward the light, but they also rest in darkness. Their growth depends on balance, not constant striving. Likewise, when we honor our own seasons — periods of growth, stillness, and renewal — we create space for a more grounded, sustainable sense of vitality.

This intersection is also where self-compassion thrives. Living organically and authentically means accepting that growth isn’t linear. There will be moments of doubt, discomfort, and recalibration. But these are signs of life — proof that you’re in motion, learning, and responding to your environment in real time.

Practical Ways to Cultivate an Organic and Authentic Life

Here are a few ways to begin weaving these principles into your daily rhythm:

  1. Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom.
    Notice when you feel energized versus drained. Your body is a reliable compass — often signaling misalignment before your mind catches on. Honor what it tells you about rest, nourishment, and boundaries.
  2. Simplify Where You Can.
    Choose quality over quantity — in relationships, commitments, and even your inner dialogue. Simplifying creates room for authenticity to breathe.
  3. Practice Honest Communication.
    Speak from your truth, even if your voice shakes. Start small — perhaps expressing a need, a limit, or an opinion you’ve been holding back. Each moment of honesty strengthens your inner voice.
  4. Connect with Nature.
    Time outdoors reminds us of our organic nature — that we’re not separate from the world around us. Walk slowly, observe patterns, and let nature recalibrate your nervous system.
  5. Release Comparison.
    Authentic living doesn’t follow a template. When you catch yourself comparing, pause and return to your own values. Ask, “What feels right for me, here and now?”
  6. Reflect and Realign Regularly.
    Journaling, therapy, or quiet reflection can help you notice where you’re acting out of habit instead of intention. Realignment is an ongoing process — a kind of inner gardening that keeps your soil rich and alive.

Returning Home to Yourself

Living organically and authentically isn’t about perfection or purity. It’s about returning to yourself — again and again — with gentleness. It’s about learning to trust that your own pace, preferences, and presence are enough.

When you live from that rooted, organic place, your life begins to feel less like something to manage and more like something to experience. Your confidence grows naturally, your relationships deepen, and your energy feels more sustainable because it’s aligned with who you truly are.

Authenticity isn’t a destination — it’s a homecoming. And each time you pause to breathe, listen, and honor your truth, you are already there.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
03
Nov
2025

Living Mindfully: Finding Calm and Clarity in Everyday Life

 

In our fast-paced world, many of us move through the day on autopilot—rushing from one task to the next, juggling work, family, and responsibilities. Even when we finally stop, our minds often keep racing. We think about what’s next, what went wrong, or what we should have done differently. Over time, this constant mental noise can leave us feeling anxious, disconnected, and exhausted.

Mindfulness offers a way to pause. It invites us to slow down, pay attention, and live more fully in the present moment. When we practice mindfulness, we shift from reacting automatically to responding intentionally. We create space to breathe, think clearly, and experience life more deeply.

What It Means to Live Mindfully

Living mindfully doesn’t mean you have to meditate for hours each day or live a perfectly peaceful life. It’s about cultivating awareness—of your thoughts, emotions, body, and surroundings—in a gentle, nonjudgmental way.

When you’re mindful, you bring your attention to this moment: the taste of your morning coffee, the sound of your child’s laughter, the feeling of sunlight on your skin. You notice what’s happening within and around you without rushing to change it.

This simple awareness helps reduce stress and fosters emotional balance. Instead of getting swept away by worries about the future or regrets about the past, you learn to anchor yourself in the now—the only moment you can truly live in.

The Benefits of Mindful Living

Mindfulness has been shown to improve both mental and physical health. Research links regular mindfulness practice to reduced anxiety, lower blood pressure, better sleep, and improved focus. It can also enhance emotional resilience—the ability to handle life’s challenges with greater calm and clarity.

Psychologically, mindfulness helps us recognize negative thought patterns before they spiral. For example, rather than reacting to stress with irritation or avoidance, we can pause, breathe, and choose a different response. Over time, this mindful awareness strengthens self-compassion and emotional stability.

For many people, mindfulness also deepens relationships. When you’re fully present with others—listening without distraction, speaking with awareness—you create connection and understanding.

Simple Ways to Bring Mindfulness Into Daily Life

The beauty of mindfulness is that it doesn’t require special equipment or a lot of time. You can practice it anywhere, at any moment. Here are some practical ways to begin:

  1. Start your morning with intention. Before reaching for your phone or jumping into your to-do list, take a few slow breaths. Ask yourself, How do I want to show up today? Setting an intention grounds you in the present.
  2. Practice mindful breathing. Throughout the day, pause to notice your breath. Inhale slowly through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and let your shoulders soften. Even one minute of focused breathing can calm your nervous system.
  3. Engage your senses. Pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. This sensory awareness helps pull you out of your head and into your body.
  4. Eat mindfully. Instead of rushing through meals, slow down and truly taste your food. Notice textures, flavors, and how your body feels as you eat.
  5. Take mindful pauses. Between meetings, while waiting in line, or before responding to a text, take a moment to check in with yourself. How are you feeling right now? What do you need?
  6. Unplug regularly. Constant digital stimulation can fragment your attention. Try scheduling phone-free times—especially before bed—to let your mind rest.
  7. Practice gratitude. Each evening, reflect on one or two moments that brought you peace, joy, or connection. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s already here.

Living Mindfully in Relationships

Mindfulness can transform how we relate to others. When we slow down and listen fully, we become more empathetic and less reactive. Before responding in a heated moment, try taking a breath and noticing what you’re feeling. This simple pause can prevent misunderstandings and help you communicate with clarity and kindness.

Mindful communication also involves letting go of the need to fix or control others. Sometimes the most healing thing you can offer is your full presence—listening with openness and compassion.

When Life Gets Difficult

It’s important to remember that mindfulness isn’t about avoiding pain or pretending everything is okay. Life will still bring challenges, stress, and loss. Mindfulness helps us face these experiences with greater acceptance and gentleness.

When you practice being present, you learn to sit with discomfort rather than fighting it. You begin to trust that feelings, like waves, rise and fall. This awareness gives you resilience—the ability to move through hard times without losing your sense of self.

Bringing It All Together

Living mindfully is a lifelong practice, not a destination. Some days will feel calm and centered; others may not. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s presence.

Each time you notice you’re lost in thought and gently bring your attention back to the moment, you’re strengthening your ability to live with awareness. Over time, those small shifts can lead to profound changes in how you experience your life.

If you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, or feeling disconnected, therapy can help you integrate mindfulness into your daily life. Together, we can develop practical tools to help you slow down, reconnect, and find balance—even in a busy world.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
25
Sep
2025

Integrating Holistic Practices for Total Wellness

Integrating Holistic Practices for Total Wellness

In today’s busy world, achieving true wellness often requires more than just traditional approaches like therapy or medication. Many people are discovering the benefits of holistic practices, which address not only the mind, but also the body and spirit. As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen how integrating holistic techniques alongside conventional mental health care can create a more balanced, resilient, and fulfilling life.

What Are Holistic Practices?

Holistic practices are approaches to wellness that treat the whole person—mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Rather than focusing solely on symptoms, holistic practices encourage self-awareness, balance, and personal growth. Some common examples include:

  • Mindfulness and meditation – cultivating awareness and reducing stress
  • Reiki and energy healing – promoting relaxation and emotional release
  • Yoga and gentle movement – connecting body and mind
  • Breathwork – reducing anxiety and calming the nervous system
  • Nutrition and lifestyle adjustments – supporting overall well-being

By combining these practices with therapy, you can address the root causes of stress, anxiety, and emotional fatigue, rather than just managing symptoms.

Mental Health Benefits of Holistic Practices

Holistic approaches can have a profound impact on emotional and mental wellness. Some of the benefits include:

  1. Stress Reduction
    Mindfulness, meditation, and Reiki help lower cortisol levels, leaving you calmer and more focused.
  2. Emotional Balance
    Techniques like breathwork and energy healing can help release emotional tension, supporting resilience and a more positive outlook.
  3. Improved Sleep and Relaxation
    Regular holistic practices encourage relaxation, which can improve sleep quality and boost overall mental health.
  4. Enhanced Self-Awareness
    Mindful practices encourage reflection and self-discovery, helping you better understand your thoughts, behaviors, and emotional triggers.
  5. Stronger Mind-Body Connection
    Yoga, movement, and energy work support a healthy connection between your mental state and physical body, creating balance and harmony.

How to Integrate Holistic Practices Into Your Routine

You don’t need to make drastic changes to start experiencing the benefits. Here are some simple ways to incorporate holistic wellness into your life:

  • Start small – Begin with 5–10 minutes of meditation or breathwork daily.
  • Combine with therapy – Discuss holistic approaches with your therapist to ensure they complement your treatment plan.
  • Explore different practices – Try Reiki, yoga, or mindfulness and notice what resonates most.
  • Create a wellness space – Designate a quiet area in your home for meditation, journaling, or energy work.
  • Be consistent – Regular practice, even in small doses, produces the best results over time.

Final Thoughts

Holistic practices are not a replacement for therapy or medical care—they are a complementary approach that supports total wellness. By integrating techniques like Reiki, mindfulness, yoga, and breathwork, you can reduce stress, improve emotional balance, and enhance your overall quality of life.

Your journey toward total wellness is unique. Even small steps toward incorporating holistic practices can create meaningful shifts in your mental, emotional, and physical health. Whether you are looking to complement therapy or simply explore new ways to care for yourself, holistic wellness offers a path toward a more balanced, centered, and fulfilling life.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D