maternal mental health

For the Woman Who Is Tired — And Still Standing

 

Let’s be honest for a second.

Being a woman—especially a mother—can feel like carrying the emotional weight of the world while pretending you’re “fine.” You’re the glue, the planner, the nurturer, the fixer. You remember everything. You hold everyone together. And somehow, your own needs keep getting pushed to the bottom of the list, right next to “rest” and “joy.”

No one really prepares you for how invisible you can feel while doing the most important work of your life.

This is for the woman who loves her family deeply and feels exhausted by the constant giving. The woman who wonders when she became the last person she checks in with. The woman who sometimes misses herself.

If that’s you, let me say this clearly: you are not broken, ungrateful, or failing. You are human. And you are allowed to want more than survival.

There’s this unspoken rule that good women—good moms—are supposed to sacrifice endlessly. That we should be strong, accommodating, and endlessly patient. That wanting space, rest, or change somehow makes us selfish. But that narrative is outdated and damaging. You are not here to disappear into everyone else’s needs.

Empowerment doesn’t mean blowing up your life or walking away from everything you love. Sometimes it starts much quieter. It starts with telling the truth—to yourself first. It starts with noticing how tired you are. How resentful you’ve become. How you’ve been running on empty and calling it “just a phase.”

Here’s the raw truth: you can love your life and still want parts of it to change. Those things can coexist.

You’re allowed to evolve. You’re allowed to rewrite the rules you’ve been living by. You’re allowed to say, “This isn’t working for me anymore,” even if it once did. Especially if it once did.

So many women stay stuck because they believe it’s too late. Too late to change careers. Too late to ask for more support. Too late to set boundaries. Too late to choose themselves. But that’s a lie rooted in fear, not reality. There is no expiration date on becoming more you.

And let’s talk about guilt—because it shows up fast when women start choosing themselves. Guilt for resting. Guilt for saying no. Guilt for not being everything to everyone all the time. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Often, it means you’re doing something new.

When you start honoring yourself, some people may feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean you should stop. It means the dynamic is changing. Healthy relationships adjust. Unhealthy ones resist. That distinction matters.

Empowerment is not loud confidence or having it all figured out. It’s showing up imperfectly but honestly. It’s modeling to your children—especially your daughters—that women don’t have to burn themselves out to be worthy of love. And if you have sons, you’re teaching them that women are whole people, not endless resources.

Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a real one. One who rests. One who has boundaries. One who shows them what self-respect looks like in real life.

You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to choose a different chapter—even if it scares you.

If no one has told you lately, let this be the reminder: you matter outside of what you give. Your needs are not inconvenient. Your dreams are not unrealistic. And your life is not on hold.

You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

And that is powerful.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

When Your In-Laws Aren’t Kind: Protecting Your Mental Health in a Messy Reality

Family is supposed to feel like a safe place—supportive, warm, welcoming. But for many people, the “family” they marry into feels nothing like that. Instead, they’re met with coldness, criticism, passive-aggressive comments, or outright hostility. And while we rarely talk about it out loud, dealing with unkind in-laws can deeply impact your mental health.

If you’ve ever left a family gathering feeling small, dismissed, anxious, or emotionally drained, you’re not alone. In fact, difficult in-law dynamics are one of the most common stressors couples face. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Let’s talk honestly about what this experience does to you—and the tools you can use to protect your well-being.

The Emotional Toll We Don’t Admit Out Loud

Many people try to brush it off: “It’s not a big deal.”

“They’re family… what can you do?”

“It’s just how they are.”

But unkind in-laws can create a lasting emotional impact:

1. Self-doubt and second-guessing your worth

When someone repeatedly criticizes you, talks down to you, or treats you like an outsider, it can chip away at your confidence—even if you’re normally grounded and self-assured.

2. Anxiety before family events

Your body learns the pattern: gatherings = tension. Even just the idea of being around them can activate stress responses.

3. Strain within your marriage or partnership

Partners often feel stuck in the middle, guilty, or defensive. If communication isn’t strong, resentment builds.

4. Feeling unsupported or unseen

It’s incredibly painful when your partner’s family refuses to make space for who you are. That pain deserves to be acknowledged.

You’re Not “Too Sensitive.” This Is Real.

One of the most damaging messages people receive is that they’re “overreacting.” But unkindness—especially in subtle forms like sarcasm, exclusion, or judgment—hits the nervous system hard.

Your body isn’t imagining it.

Your mind isn’t making it up.

You’re responding to a real emotional threat.

The good news? You can reclaim your power, protect your peace, and create boundaries that allow you to stay connected to your partner without sacrificing your mental well-being.

Mental Health Tools for Navigating Difficult In-Laws

1. Ground Yourself Before Interactions

If you know you’re walking into a triggering space, enter with intention.

Try a 30-second grounding ritual:

  • Feel your feet on the floor.
  • Take one slow breath in and out.
  • Remind yourself: “Their behavior is about them, not me.”

This simple reset places you back in your own body and out of their emotional orbit.

2. Use the “Grey Rock” Technique for Toxic Behaviors

If certain in-laws thrive on drama, judgment, or conflict, becoming emotionally neutral can protect you.

Being a “grey rock” means:

  • Staying calm
  • Responding briefly
  • Not offering emotional reactions

This doesn’t mean being cold—it means choosing not to engage in dynamics that drain you.

3. Set Boundaries Without Apologizing

A boundary is not a punishment. It’s protection.

Examples:

  • “We’ll stay for two hours, not the entire day.”
  • “I’m not comfortable being spoken to that way. I’m stepping outside for a moment.”
  • “We’re choosing what’s best for our family. Thank you for understanding.”

Notice none of these require justification or over-explanation.

4. Have Honest, Compassionate Communication with Your Partner

Your partner can’t support you if they don’t understand what’s happening. Aim for a conversation rooted in feelings—not blame.

Use this structure:

  • What happened: “When your mother said…”
  • How it affected you: “I felt dismissed.”
  • What you need: “It would help if you checked in with me during those moments.”

Healthy couples problem-solve together, not against each other.

5. Create Post-Visit Recovery Rituals

Just like athletes cool down after a workout, you deserve a mental cooldown after stressful family interactions:

  • Take a walk
  • Journal
  • Debrief with your partner
  • Listen to calming music
  • Do something nurturing for yourself

Your system needs a chance to unwind.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Limit Contact

You are under no emotional obligation to repeatedly expose yourself to hostile or disrespectful behavior. Limiting time, frequency, or depth of interactions is a valid form of self-care.

Distance is not failure.

Distance is clarity.

You’re Allowed to Protect Your Peace

You don’t have to win them over. You don’t have to tolerate disrespect in the name of “family.” You don’t have to keep sacrificing your mental health to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to take up space, speak your truth, and set boundaries that support your emotional well-being.

And if your in-laws can’t offer kindness, then offer it to yourself. That’s where real healing begins.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

The Mental Load of Motherhood: Why Moms Are Exhausted (and What to Do About It)

 

If you’re a mom, you know the feeling: you collapse into bed at night, but your brain doesn’t shut off. Did I sign that permission slip? What’s for dinner tomorrow? Did I sound too harsh when I told my toddler to “just put on the shoes already”?

It’s not just being tired—it’s carrying the mental load.

Motherhood is often described as the “best job in the world,” and yes, there are moments that feel like magic. But there’s another side moms rarely talk about openly: the invisible weight of keeping everyone’s world spinning while trying not to lose yourself in the process.

And here’s the truth: the mental health of moms matters just as much as their kids’ well-being.

The Hidden Mental Load Nobody Sees

The mental load is all the “behind the scenes” thinking, planning, and emotional labor moms take on. It’s remembering that your child hates the blue cup, knowing when the dog needs a vet visit, noticing you’re down to the last roll of toilet paper, and texting your teen a reminder to pack their cleats.

Most of it doesn’t show up on to-do lists, but it takes up real space in your brain. Over time, that constant hum of responsibility can lead to stress, irritability, burnout, and even anxiety or depression.

It’s not that moms can’t handle it. It’s that no human can carry the weight of everyone else’s life logistics and emotions without feeling the strain.

Why Moms Struggle to Talk About It

Here’s the kicker: moms often stay silent about their mental health struggles.

  • Guilt: “I should be grateful. Other moms have it harder.”
  • Comparison: Scrolling Instagram makes it seem like everyone else is handling motherhood effortlessly.
  • Fear of Judgment: Worrying people will think you’re “not a good mom” if you admit you’re struggling.

But pretending everything is fine doesn’t make the stress go away—it just isolates you more.

The Signs You Might Be Carrying Too Much

Every mom has tough days, but if you notice these patterns, it might be your mind waving a red flag:

  • You feel irritable or snappy over small things.
  • Your sleep is off (trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up exhausted).
  • You can’t remember the last time you did something just for you.
  • You find yourself zoning out, doom-scrolling, or stress-snacking as a coping tool.
  • You secretly fantasize about “running away” just to get some quiet.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

What Helps (And What Doesn’t)

Here’s where things get tricky. A bubble bath and a scented candle won’t fix the weight of invisible labor (though, hey, baths are lovely). What really makes a difference is support, balance, and compassion—for yourself and from others.

1. 

Name It Out Loud

Sometimes, just naming “the mental load” helps. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try telling a partner, friend, or therapist: “I’m overwhelmed because I’m carrying all the invisible tasks right now.” Naming it takes it from invisible to visible.

2. 

Stop Striving for Supermom

The Pinterest lunchboxes? Optional. The immaculate house? Not a requirement. You don’t have to earn your worth by doing everything. Sometimes, “good enough” is more than enough.

3. 

Ask (Clearly) for Help

Instead of saying, “I need more help around here,” try: “Can you take over making school lunches this week?” Specific requests work better than vague pleas.

4. 

Build Small Breaks into Your Day

Not a weekend getaway—five minutes. Step outside. Breathe. Stretch. Hide in the bathroom if you need to. Micro-moments of rest add up and signal to your nervous system that you’re safe.

5. 

Seek Professional Support if Needed

Therapy isn’t just for when things are falling apart. Talking to someone can help you untangle guilt, set boundaries, and find yourself again outside of motherhood.

A Gentle Reminder

Here’s something moms rarely hear: You are not selfish for needing care. You are a person, not just a parent.

When you nurture your mental health, you’re not only helping yourself—you’re modeling resilience, self-compassion, and boundaries for your kids. That’s powerful parenting.

So the next time you feel the weight of the mental load pressing down, pause. Remind yourself: it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you’ve been strong for too long without enough support.

And you deserve better than surviving. You deserve to thrive.

Final Thought

Motherhood will always come with responsibilities, but it shouldn’t come with the expectation that moms sacrifice their mental health in the process. Talking about it—honestly, openly, without shame—is how we begin to change the story.

So if no one’s told you today: You’re doing enough. You are enough. And your mental health matters.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D