I broke up with my partner, now what?
We broke up and now I feel lonely.
I feel like I have no one to talk to after the break up.
New Day Vitality featured in LMC podcast as an expert guest on Quarantine and couples.
Click here to take a listen.
In the interview below I share some pointers for couples during quarantine, and other mental health resources. Be well, be safe, be easy my friends 👫¸
When dating someone, you can be pretty sure if he is into you or not, right? All those big and small signs of someone’s affection are hard to miss. Or the lack of those signs – you simply know when someone is not investing in your relationship as much as you have expected. But, can you as easily recognize whether or not you are into him? Check out the signs below to help you decide.
1. You are not “dying” to See Him
At first, you were super excited to see your boyfriend. You would get all fidgety before thedate, and couldn’t wait to spend the evening with him. However, thereare nobutterflies in your stomach when you are with him anymore. Your enthusiasm somehow vanished already and now you’re neutral when he asks youon a date. A sure sign that you’re not really into him.
2. You are Making Plans without Him
You’ve made an exciting plan to visit Europe next summer. You already have an itinerary, all those exciting places you are going to visit and the things you plan to do…You can’t wait tostart packing your bags! You simply know you and your best friend will have a vacay of a lifetime.
Ups… your best friend? Let’s be honest… a lack of desire to do things together doesn’t look promising- making plans without your boyfriend obviously means that you’re not really into him. In addition, if you catch yourself daydreaming about freedom and singleness, you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend and give yourself some time on your own.
3. You don’t like Being Alone with Him Anymore
You might have been inseparable at the very beginning of your relationship. Yet, these days you find the company of your friends much more enjoyable. Even the time spent alone seems more appealing. If you look forward to nights out with your friends more than your dates with him, this might be a sure sign that it is time to move on.
4. You Lose Your Temper Easily
It is totally normal to argue with your partner. Everyone fights from time to time. However, if your arguments happen daily and you find that you cannot have a conversation without raging at your boyfriend, it may be time to think about your feelings and the real issues behind those everyday fights that you are most likely avoiding to address.
5. You have Other Priorities
Do you rather choose to stay at home and watch a movie than go out with your boyfriend? You often stay at your office longer than you actually need and then excuse yourself that you are too tired to see him? When you start choosing your friends, family, or work over your partner, ask yourself if you’re really into him. If he is not an important part of your life, why bother?
6. You Think You Can Do Better Than Him
You don’t approve of his choice of friends, don’t respect his career, or you don’t like his family? Do you constantly have a feeling that you can do better? Cause if you do, save yourself the trouble and consider moving on with your life.
7. You no Longer have Sexual Desire
There is a lack of passion and interest in sex with your partner. You simply don’t feel sexual towards him anymore. At the same time, you catch yourself fantasizing about your colleague… Not a good sign. And definitely, a red flag that you don’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore.
8. You Don’t Miss Him
When he is not around, you hardly think about your boyfriend. Moreover, you can go days without seeing him and be just fine about that. Not missing your boyfriend after days or weeks without seeing him is a sure sign that you are just not feeling him.
9. You have no Respect for Him
Being in love is an awesome feeling. Passion, desire, great sex…all of it counts. However, respect is vital for a good, fulfilling relationship. A relationship without respect never lasts long, no matter how attracted to him you might feel. When partners don’t respect each other, they are not open about their feelings and they don’t care what the other side wants, needs, or feels. Not promising. If you don’t think highly of your boyfriend or he embarrasses you, you obviously don’t like him as much as you thought.
10. You are Hesitant about Your Relationship’s Future
You are just not sure whether he is right for you or not. You are terrified even thinking of meeting his family and can’t help thinking that your relationship is progressing a bit too fast. If you don’t feel like nurturing your relationship and putting any effort to strengthen your bond, you need to admit it – you’re not really into him.
Breakups are difficult and can be extremely emotional roller coasters. It’s essential after a break up to take care of you, self-care is so important, so take the time to be good and kind to yourself.
This is a new chapter of your life, and taking the steps to let go of your past and that relationship is the first step. It’s still going to be painful and it’s going to take time, but remember time heals all wounds. So start this new chapter for yourself. Remember we don’t have control of the outside world, but we can control are reactions and responses, so take this time to focus on yourself and your well being. Breathe in, breathe out, surround yourself with great friends and family and begin the process of your new chapter.
No blame, challenge those negative thoughts. You might begin to blame yourself or partner for the break up, either way this leads to negative self talk and brings you to a dark place, so change it up. Focus on you, your accomplishments, your amazing traits and what makes you so very special. At first this may be hard; but positive self-talk is essential towards this recovery after the break up.
You are the star of your life, the star of your show, and make it the story you want to read, and more importantly you want to live. Be easy on yourself, take it slow and this to shall pass.