Mom, Mental Health, and the Holiday Hustle

 

The holidays are supposed to be magical, right? Lights twinkling, music playing, family laughter echoing through the house. But for many moms, the reality is far from a Hallmark scene. It’s chaos disguised as celebration—cookies to bake, gifts to wrap, schedules to juggle, work emails to answer, and the endless mental list of “must-dos” that never seems to shrink.

Being a mom during the holiday hustle is a full-time job that comes without a manual. Society constantly tells us we should have it all: the Pinterest-perfect decorations, the Instagram-worthy family moments, a career that doesn’t skip a beat, and somehow, a glowing sense of personal fulfillment. The pressure to “do it all” is intense, and honestly, it can be crushing.

Some days, it feels like there’s a timer ticking over your head. You’re running from school drop-offs to shopping trips, from wrapping presents to decorating the house, all while trying to make sure the kids are happy, the partner is pleased, and you don’t burn out. And let’s be honest—the mental load of motherhood never switches off, not during the holidays, not ever. Your brain keeps a running tally of everything you need to do, everything you forgot to do, and everything you feel guilty about not doing perfectly.

So, what happens when the pressure mounts and the magic feels like a burden? Anxiety sneaks in. The joy gets diluted by stress. You start questioning if you’re “good enough” or if anyone else is keeping it together the way you’re pretending to. Maybe the house is messy, maybe dinner is late, maybe the gifts aren’t perfectly wrapped—and that’s OK. The truth is, perfection is an illusion, and chasing it only drains your mental energy.

Slowing down during this season is not selfish; it’s essential. It might look like letting the glittery Pinterest ideas go for something simpler. Maybe it’s ordering a store-bought pie instead of baking three from scratch. Maybe it’s turning down an invitation to a holiday event because your mental health needs a break. Slowing down isn’t giving up; it’s survival, and it’s teaching your children something more important than perfection—they’re learning that it’s okay to prioritize well-being over endless to-dos.

Mental health matters during the holiday hustle. The constant swirl of activity can trigger anxiety, sadness, or even depression, especially if there’s a history of loneliness, grief, or family tension. Moms are often the caretakers, but who’s taking care of them? It’s essential to recognize the signs: exhaustion that doesn’t go away with sleep, feeling constantly irritable, losing interest in things you usually enjoy, or feeling a heaviness that the holidays don’t lift. These are not weaknesses—they’re signals that your brain and body need care.

Self-care in this context doesn’t have to mean a spa day or a bubble bath every night (though that’s great if it happens). It can mean saying no to extra obligations, sitting down with a cup of coffee for five uninterrupted minutes, taking a walk, journaling your feelings, or simply breathing. These tiny acts of slowing down accumulate, giving you the mental space to actually enjoy moments that matter.

Being real about motherhood during the holiday hustle also means embracing the messiness. Maybe the cookie dough gets stepped on, maybe the wrapping paper ends up in a chaotic heap, maybe the kids fight or cry. It’s all part of life, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, showing up authentically—flawed and tired—is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your family. They learn resilience, empathy, and the real meaning of connection, not just perfection.

So, this holiday season, give yourself permission to step off the treadmill. Acknowledge that doing it all is impossible—and that’s okay. Slow down, breathe, and remember that your mental health is not optional. The true magic of the holidays doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from presence, connection, and the courage to take care of yourself while taking care of everyone else.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Self-Care: An Essential Pillar for Mental Health

 

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook one of the most important aspects of well-being: self-care. Often dismissed as a luxury, self-care is actually a fundamental component of maintaining good mental health. Taking deliberate steps to nurture yourself—emotionally, physically, and mentally—can reduce stress, enhance resilience, and improve overall life satisfaction.

Why Self-Care Matters

Self-care is more than indulgence; it’s a critical practice for sustaining mental health. Without regular self-care, stress and emotional exhaustion can accumulate, leading to anxiety, depression, irritability, and burnout. By prioritizing self-care, you create a foundation for emotional stability, better relationships, and clearer thinking. It allows you to recharge, set boundaries, and respond to life’s challenges from a place of strength rather than depletion.

Types of Self-Care

Self-care encompasses various dimensions, each contributing to overall mental well-being:

  1. Physical Self-Care: Adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, regular exercise, and routine medical care are essential for supporting both the body and mind. Physical well-being directly impacts mood, energy levels, and cognitive function.
  2. Emotional Self-Care: Taking time to acknowledge your feelings, practicing self-compassion, and expressing emotions in healthy ways support emotional regulation. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or seeking therapy are effective strategies.
  3. Mental Self-Care: Engaging in activities that stimulate your mind—reading, learning, creative hobbies—helps maintain cognitive health and provides a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
  4. Social Self-Care: Building and maintaining meaningful relationships can reduce feelings of isolation and provide essential support networks. Healthy connections foster a sense of belonging and reinforce emotional resilience.
  5. Spiritual Self-Care: For some, connecting with spiritual practices or personal values provides grounding and a sense of purpose. Meditation, prayer, or reflective practices can cultivate inner peace and reduce stress.

Practical Self-Care Strategies

Incorporating self-care into daily life doesn’t require major changes. Small, consistent practices can have a significant impact:

  • Schedule Downtime: Even short breaks during the day to breathe, stretch, or enjoy a quiet moment can reduce stress.
  • Set Boundaries: Learning to say no to excessive demands protects your mental health.
  • Prioritize Sleep: Establishing a consistent sleep routine restores energy and supports emotional stability.
  • Engage in Physical Activity: Walking, yoga, or other forms of movement release endorphins and improve mood.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness or meditation can reduce anxiety, increase focus, and improve emotional regulation.
  • Nurture Creativity: Creative outlets like painting, writing, or playing music provide emotional release and personal satisfaction.
  • Connect with Loved Ones: Spending quality time with friends or family reinforces social support and emotional resilience.

Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care

Many people struggle to prioritize self-care due to busy schedules, guilt, or societal expectations. Recognizing that self-care is not selfish is crucial. Viewing self-care as a necessary investment in your mental health reframes it from indulgence to responsibility. Start small, choosing one or two practices that feel manageable, and gradually expand your routine.

The Link Between Self-Care and Mental Health Improvement

Consistent self-care has measurable benefits for mental health. It reduces stress hormones, supports emotional regulation, and fosters resilience to life’s challenges. Individuals who practice regular self-care often report improved mood, greater clarity, and enhanced overall life satisfaction. Self-care also strengthens the ability to cope with setbacks, making it easier to navigate difficult emotions and situations.

Conclusion

Self-care is not an optional luxury—it is an essential pillar of mental health. By prioritizing your emotional, physical, mental, social, and spiritual needs, you create a strong foundation for well-being. Incorporating practical self-care strategies, setting boundaries, and challenging the notion that self-care is selfish can lead to profound improvements in mood, resilience, and overall life satisfaction. Taking time for yourself is a form of empowerment, enabling you to show up more fully in every aspect of your life. Remember, nurturing yourself is not just beneficial for you—it positively impacts your relationships, work, and daily experiences. Making self-care a priority is an investment in a healthier, happier, and more balanced life.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Modern Motherhood: Doing It All and Learning to Slow Down

 

Being a mom today comes with expectations that previous generations never faced. From managing careers and household responsibilities to nurturing children and maintaining social connections, modern mothers often feel like they are expected to “do it all.” While striving for balance is admirable, constantly pushing oneself can take a serious toll on mental health. Slowing down and prioritizing well-being is not only beneficial—it’s essential.

The Pressure of Doing It All

Mothers today face unique pressures. Social media often portrays flawless homes, perfectly dressed children, and moms who somehow manage full-time careers while baking homemade treats for school events. The reality, however, is far different. Many mothers juggle multiple responsibilities with little time for themselves. The expectation to excel in every area—parenting, work, social life, and self-care—can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy.

Recognizing the Signs of Overwhelm

It’s important for mothers to notice when the load becomes too heavy. Common signs include fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbances, and a sense of constant guilt. Anxiety or low mood can also emerge when mothers feel they are failing to meet expectations. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward meaningful mental health improvement.

The Benefits of Slowing Down

Slowing down doesn’t mean abandoning responsibilities; it means being intentional about where you invest your energy. Slowing down can improve mental health in several ways:

  1. Reduced Stress: Taking deliberate breaks or simplifying routines can lower stress levels, leading to better emotional regulation and patience.
  2. Improved Presence: Being fully present with children, partners, or oneself enhances connection and fulfillment, rather than rushing through every task.
  3. Better Self-Care: Allocating time for sleep, exercise, hobbies, or quiet reflection helps mothers recharge and maintain resilience.
  4. Enhanced Mental Clarity: Slower pacing allows for thoughtful decision-making and prevents mistakes caused by multitasking or exhaustion.

Practical Ways to Slow Down

  1. Prioritize Tasks: Identify what truly matters and let go of non-essential obligations. Not every chore or social expectation requires perfection.
  2. Set Boundaries: Saying no is a form of self-care. Establish limits on work, social commitments, and even household responsibilities when needed.
  3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindful breathing, meditation, or simply paying attention to small daily moments can anchor a mother in the present.
  4. Delegate and Accept Help: Share responsibilities with partners, relatives, or friends. Accepting help is not weakness—it’s a strength.
  5. Create Quiet Moments: Schedule intentional downtime, even if it’s just ten minutes with a cup of tea or a short walk outside.

Shifting Mindset Around Motherhood

A critical part of slowing down involves changing the narrative around “doing it all.” Perfect motherhood is a myth. The goal is sustainable, healthy parenting—not constant achievement. Celebrating small victories, embracing imperfections, and acknowledging personal needs can transform stress into a sense of empowerment and well-being.

Seeking Support

If feelings of overwhelm persist, professional support can make a meaningful difference. Therapists, counselors, or support groups can provide strategies tailored to the unique challenges of modern motherhood. Mental health support normalizes the struggles of parenting and offers tools to prevent burnout before it becomes severe.

Conclusion

Modern mothers are often expected to juggle endless responsibilities while maintaining a polished appearance of success. However, doing it all without slowing down can jeopardize mental health. By setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and practicing mindfulness, mothers can create space for mental health improvement and a more sustainable approach to parenting. Slowing down is not a sign of weakness—it’s an essential step toward thriving, both as a parent and as an individual. By embracing imperfection and focusing on what truly matters, moms can cultivate a more peaceful, fulfilling life while still giving their best to their families.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

Coping with Depression During the Holidays Around Family

 

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration, yet for many people living with depression, it can be one of the most difficult times of the year. Family gatherings, expectations of happiness, and the pressure to engage in festivities can amplify feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness. Understanding why the holidays are challenging and exploring strategies for coping can help individuals navigate this time more gently.

Why the Holidays Can Trigger Depression

For people struggling with depression, family dynamics can intensify difficult emotions. Childhood experiences, unresolved conflicts, or complicated relationships may resurface during gatherings. Holidays can also highlight losses—of loved ones, relationships, or even opportunities—triggering grief and nostalgia. The contrast between social media portrayals of “perfect” holidays and personal experiences can create feelings of inadequacy or isolation. Even positive interactions can be stressful when expectations clash with reality, or when social interaction feels overwhelming.

Recognizing Symptoms Around the Holidays

Depression during the holidays may manifest in various ways. Some individuals experience increased fatigue, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or overeating. Emotional symptoms such as irritability, tearfulness, or persistent sadness may surface more acutely in family settings. Others may notice heightened anxiety about family gatherings, leading to avoidance or withdrawal. Recognizing these patterns early allows for proactive coping rather than reactive distress.

Strategies for Navigating Family Gatherings

  1. Set Realistic Expectations: Accept that no family is perfect. Expecting flawless harmony can increase disappointment and anxiety. Recognize that small moments of connection, rather than grand gestures, are valuable.
  2. Create Boundaries: Determine what you can realistically manage in terms of time, conversation topics, and participation in activities. It is okay to step away, leave early, or politely decline invitations when needed.
  3. Plan Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional and physical needs. This may include scheduling quiet time, going for walks, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in comforting hobbies. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential for managing depression.
  4. Have a Support System: Connect with a friend, therapist, or support group who understands your struggles. Having someone to talk to during the season can provide relief, reassurance, and validation.
  5. Prepare for Triggers: Family gatherings often bring up unresolved issues or old patterns. Identify potential triggers and rehearse coping strategies, such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or redirecting conversations.
  6. Limit Comparisons: Social media and holiday movies often portray unrealistic levels of joy and togetherness. Remind yourself that your experience is valid, even if it doesn’t match the “perfect holiday” narrative.
  7. Practice Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and patience. Depression can intensify self-criticism, especially during social events. Acknowledge small victories, like attending a gathering or maintaining a healthy routine.

When to Seek Professional Help

If depression worsens during the holidays, interferes with daily functioning, or leads to thoughts of self-harm, reaching out to a mental health professional is crucial. Therapists can provide coping strategies tailored to family dynamics and offer support for navigating complex emotions. In severe cases, medication or other treatments may be appropriate to stabilize mood.

Looking Ahead

The holidays can be challenging, but they can also be an opportunity for growth, self-awareness, and building resilience. By acknowledging the impact of depression, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, individuals can create a more manageable and meaningful holiday experience. Even small steps—like taking a few moments for yourself or connecting authentically with one supportive family member—can make a significant difference.

Conclusion

Depression during the holidays, especially around family, is a common but often hidden struggle. Recognizing triggers, managing expectations, and prioritizing self-care can help individuals navigate this season with greater ease. Remember, it is not necessary to feel joyful at all times—honoring your emotions and seeking support when needed is the most powerful gift you can give yourself. This holiday season, focusing on emotional well-being and compassionate connection, even in small doses, can make the difference between surviving the holidays and truly finding moments of peace amidst the challenges.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

How to challenge negative self-talk and anxious thoughts

 

We all have moments where our thoughts feel like they’re running the show — fast, loud, and usually toward the worst-case scenario. Negative self-talk and anxiety-provoking thoughts can sneak in quietly, but once they grab hold, they shape how we feel, how we act, and even how we treat ourselves. The good news? You can learn to slow them down and soften their impact. You can learn to talk to yourself in ways that feel grounding, compassionate, and true.

Challenging negative thinking isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about creating space between you and your thoughts so you can respond, instead of react. It’s about noticing the stories your mind creates — especially when you’re worried — and choosing which stories deserve your energy.

Here’s how to start shifting that inner dialogue.

1. Notice the Thought Instead of Absorbing It

When a negative or anxious thought surfaces, most people instantly merge with it.

“I’m not doing enough.”

“What if something bad happens?”

“I can’t handle this.”

The very first step is awareness. You don’t have to agree with the thought, fight with it, or run from it. Just notice it.

Pause and say to yourself:

“I’m having the thought that…”

This simple phrase creates emotional distance.

“I’m having the thought that I’m not doing enough” is very different from “I’m not doing enough.”

Thoughts feel less powerful when you’re observing them rather than accepting them as truth.

2. Check the Evidence

Anxious thoughts love to present themselves as facts. But the mind, especially an anxious one, tends to overestimate danger and underestimate your ability to cope.

Ask yourself:

  • What evidence supports this thought?
  • What evidence goes against it?
  • If my best friend had this thought, what would I tell them?

This shifts thinking into a more realistic, balanced place. It interrupts the automatic worry spiral and brings your mind back into the present.

3. Challenge “All or Nothing” Thinking

Anxiety often speaks in extremes:

  • “If something goes wrong, it’ll be a disaster.”
  • “I always mess things up.”
  • “Nothing is ever going to get better.”

Try replacing absolute statements with more flexible ones:

  • “This might be uncomfortable, but I can handle it.”
  • “I’ve had hard moments before and got through them.”
  • “This is stressful, not catastrophic.”

Small language changes reshape the emotional impact of a thought.

4. Look for the Hidden “Shoulds”

Negative self-talk thrives on internal pressure:

  • I should be calmer.
  • I should know what to do.
  • I should be further along.

When you hear a “should,” replace it with:

“I’d prefer” or “I’m learning.”

For example:

  • “I should be calmer” → “I’d prefer to feel calmer, and I’m learning ways to support that.”

This softens judgment and builds self-compassion — the antidote to anxiety.

5. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

Worry pulls you into the future — into what ifs, worst-case scenarios, and possibilities that haven’t happened. Challenging worry involves coming back to right now, where you can breathe and choose your next step.

Try:

  • Feeling your feet on the floor
  • Taking slow, deep breaths
  • Naming five things you can see
  • Repeating, “I am safe in this moment.”

Grounding doesn’t eliminate anxiety, but it keeps you from being swept away by it.

6. Replace Self-Criticism With Curiosity

Instead of, “Why am I like this?”

Try: “What is this thought trying to protect me from?”

Anxious thoughts often show up because your brain is trying to prepare you or warn you — even when the threat isn’t real. Curiosity shifts the tone from judgment to understanding.

7. Practice Small, Consistent Reframes

Changing your thinking pattern is not a one-time fix. It’s repetition.

Some helpful reframes include:

  • “This thought isn’t a fact.”
  • “My anxiety is loud, but I’m still in control.”
  • “I can handle discomfort.”
  • “One thought doesn’t predict the future.”
  • “I can slow down and respond.”

With practice, these become your new default settings.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Pause

You don’t have to solve a problem the moment anxiety shows up. You can take a break, breathe, stretch, step outside, or come back later.

Worry demands urgency — your job is to create space.

A pause tells your nervous system:

“I choose the pace. Not my anxiety.”

Final Thoughts

Challenging negative self-talk and anxious thoughts is an ongoing process — a gentle unfolding. You’re not trying to silence your mind; you’re learning to lead it. Over time, the thoughts that once felt heavy and consuming lose their grip, and you gain confidence in your ability to cope.

This is what healing looks like:

Not the absence of anxious thoughts, but the presence of a calmer, kinder voice inside you — one that reminds you that you’re capable, resilient, and allowed to exhale.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D