My Seven Years as a Doula

In the realm of life-altering experiences, nothing quite comparesin my life to the profound impact of becoming a birth and postpartum doula, working closely with hundreds of families over the past seven years. It’s a journey that has not only shaped my professional path but also transformed me as a human being and a therapist. As I reflect on my time as a birth and postpartum doula, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of honor and gratitude for the privilege of being intimately connected with birthing people and their families during one of the most transformative moments of their lives.

When I first embarked on this journey, I had no idea how it would affect me. My role as a birth and postpartum doula was not just about providing physical and emotional support during labor and birth, but it extended to the critical weeks and months that followed. It was about becoming a trusted companion on the incredible journey of childbirth and the delicate postpartum period. I witnessed the raw power of the human spirit and the strength of those in labor, as well as the vulnerability and resilience of new parents in their postpartum journey. It was a privilege to be a witness as birthing individuals discovered new versions of themselves as parents, as partners, and as human beings.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned during my time as a birth and postpartum doula was the importance of holding space for people as they navigated the challenges and joys of childbirth and the new reality once they came home. In this role, I became adept at providing emotional support, creating a safe environment for expression, and empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their birthing experiences and postpartum care. This skillset, honed in the labor room and in homes, has proven invaluable in my work as a therapist, where I continue to help individuals explore their feelings, process trauma, and find their own path toward healing and growth.

Becoming a birth and postpartum doula also deepened my understanding of the interconnectedness of family systems. I saw firsthand how the dynamics within a family could profoundly impact the birthing experience and the postpartumtime. The support of partners, the involvement of extended family, single parenthood and the unique stories and histories of each family all played a role in shaping these pivotal moments. This understanding has enriched my work as a therapist, allowing me to approach family dynamics with greater sensitivity and insight.

As a doula I witnessed the resilience of the human spirit. I saw individuals face fear, uncertainty, and pain with unwavering determination. I saw them tap into inner reservoirs of strength they never knew existed. These experiences of triumph over adversity continue to inspire me in my work as a therapist, reminding me of the incredible potential for growth and healing that resides within each of us.I have transitioned into a “retired doula” with a heart full of respect and appreciation for the vital work that doulas do in both the birthing room and the postpartum space. They are the front line of defense when it comes to protecting the mental health and emotional well-being of the families they work with.

This chapter in my life as a doula ultimately led me to discover my passion for working in perinatal mental health. The experiences, the connections, and the lessons learned during those seven years have shaped my career and my sense of purpose. I am forever grateful for the privilege of being a doulaand for the opportunity to contribute to the mental health and well-being of the families I had the honor of serving.

Unraveling the Threads of Our LivesIn the world of therapy, we often find ourselves delving into the complexities of human emotions, relationships, and personal growth. However, there’s one facet of our lives that can often be overlooked but holds immense power over us – money. The psychology of money plays a significant role in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being. Today, I want to share a story about a client I had, someone who worked in finance, and how their journey in therapy related to how they worked with money.

Before I dive into that story, I’d like to introduce myself briefly. I have worn many hats, but one of them brought me to the world of organizational development and consulting, where I encountered a powerful quote that has stayed with me over the years: “Show me where you spend your money, and I will tell you what you care about.” These words encapsulate the idea that how we allocate our financial resources reflects our priorities, values, and desires. It serves as a compass guiding us through life, often in ways we may not immediately recognize.

Now, let’s turn to my client’s experience, which brought the psychology of money to the forefront of our therapeutic journey. A Financial Professional’s Insight My client, let’s call him Mark, had been attending therapy sessions with me for several months. He was well-versed in the intricacies of financial markets, and his job demanded a deep understanding of numbers and trends. During one of our sessions, Mark confided in me that he had been contemplating ending his therapy sessions. At first, this revelation caught me off guard, as we had made significant progress in addressing his personal issues and stressors.

Curious, I asked him to share more about his decision. Mark explained that, as someone who works in finance, he approached his life with a meticulous and analytical mindset. He had begun to assess the return on investment (ROI) of his therapy sessions, just as he would analyze financial assets. Surprisingly, the conclusion he reached was that therapy was still “in the black” for him – it was a valuable investment in his mental and emotional well-being.

Mark’s revelation was a profound reminder of how even our deepest emotions and personal growth can be tied to the language of money. He had quantified the benefits of therapy in his life, recognizing that the positive changes he experienced far outweighed the idea of him not attending any longer. In essence, he was demonstrating the concept of ROI in the context of personal development.

“Show Me Where You Spend Your Money…”

The quote that had hung over a past colleague’s desk during my consulting days, “Show me where you spend your money, and I will tell you what you care about,” echoed in my mind throughout Mark’s story. It’s a statement that holds a mirror to our priorities, illuminating what truly matters to us. In Mark’s case, he realized that investing in therapy was a testament to his commitment to his mental health, personal growth, and overall happiness.

The Impact of Money on Our Lives

Mark’s experience highlights the intricate relationship between psychology and money. Our financial choices often reflect our values, beliefs, and emotions. Whether it’s seeking therapy, saving for the future, or indulging in a favorite hobby, how we allocate our resources speaks volumes about what we hold dear. Our family history with money and big changes in the economy all play a role in how we view it. Conversations about finances can provide insights into our priorities and stressors, helping us better understand struggles and aspirations. It’s a topic that goes beyond mere budgeting and financial planning; it’s about uncovering the underlying emotions and values that guide our financial decisions. The psychology of money is a multifaceted aspect of our lives. It influences not only our financial well-being but also our emotional and psychological health. Mark’s story serves as a powerful reminder it’s a language we all speak. Ultimately, understanding the psychology of money can lead to greater self-awareness, personal growth, and overall well-being. So, let us continue to explore this important relationship we all have with our dollars and sense.

In today’s world, the term “burnout” has become all too familiar. Many of us have experienced it or know someone who has. Burnout is a pervasive, multi-faceted issue that affects people from all walks of life. Its impact on mental health cannot be minimized. As people take on multiple roles as caretakers, professionals, parents, volunteers etc., and expectations continuously mount, bodily systems that at first make us feel heroic begin to diminish. Let’s explore what burnout is, how it affects our mental health, and most importantly, what we can do to combat it with the help of therapy.

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or stressed; it’s a chronic state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged periods of excessive stress or work demands. This can be compounded by the abandonment of practices and habits that provide self-care and replenishment as we become busier and overwhelmed. Burnout symptoms can manifest in various ways, but some common signs include:

1.     Chronic Fatigue: Feeling tired all the time, even after a full night’s sleep. For some this may cause a reliance on caffeinated beverages or sugar for energy.

2.     Cynicism and Detachment: Developing a negative outlook and detached attitude towards work or other responsibilities.

3.     Reduced Performance: A noticeable drop in productivity and effectiveness. One may ask “why am I so disinterested in my work or making plans”?

4.     Increased Irritability: Becoming more easily frustrated or angered as if your “fuse” is short.

5.     Physical Symptoms: Experiencing headaches, body aches, digestive issues, or other physical ailments due to stress.

As you can see the symptoms are diverse and for this reason, burnout takes a significant toll on mental health. The relentless stress and exhaustion can lead to a range of mental health issues, including:

1.     Anxiety: Constant worry and fear about meeting expectations or deadlines.

2.     Depressive Episodes: A pervasive sense of sadness and hopelessness.

3.     Difficulty Concentrating: Trouble focusing on tasks and making decisions.

4.     Impaired Memory: Forgetfulness and difficulty retaining information.

5.     Sleep Problems: Insomnia or disturbed sleep patterns.

It’s important to note that when our bodies experience change in some way that causes distress, it’s advisable to consult a medical doctor to rule out medical issues as self-diagnosis is never encouraged. Having said that, being able to recognize the signs of burnout is crucial, but acting is even more important. One effective way to address burnout and its impact on mental health is by working with a therapist. Here are some ways therapy can help:

1.     Identifying the Root Causes: A therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your burnout as it is often related to many factors that have been forces in life for extended periods of time. By understanding what’s driving your stress and exhaustion, you can develop strategies to address these issues.

2.     Learning Coping Strategies: Therapists can teach you coping strategies to manage stress and prevent burnout. These strategies may include relaxation techniques, time management skills, and setting healthy boundaries. Coping strategies while only a piece of the puzzle are important on the healing path.

3.     Providing Emotional Support: Therapy offers a nonjudgmental and confidential space to express your feelings and emotions so you can get closer to understanding your own needs. It allows you to vent, integrate your experiences, and gain perspective on your unique situation.

4.     Building Resilience: Through therapy, you can develop emotional resilience, and “glimmers of hope” which helps you bounce back from setbacks and cope with life’s challenges more effectively.

5.     Setting Realistic Goals: A therapist can assist you in setting realistic and achievable goals, helping you avoid overextending yourself and falling into past behaviors that may have contributed to burnout.

Stress is unavoidable and as people we are doing our best to strike a balance in life. Stress itself is not a bad word; in fact, we are often at our best when optimally stressed, which can make us feel accomplished and even proud. However, when our resources are consistently overrun by stress levels, we enter a chronic state of distress. This is why it’s essential to remain mindful of daily individual resources so we can take action to prevent and recover from burnout. It also helps to take account of our protective forces (friends, alone time, gym, etc.) that bring us back into our bodies and calm the nervous system. Seeking help from a therapist is a valuable step in this process, as it provides the guidance and support needed to regain a sense of control and mental well-being. Remember, you don’t have to face burnout alone – there is help available to guide you on the path to recovery and resilience.

Shifting Mental States I recently watched the Netflix documentary “Stutz” which was inspired by a 2012 book titled “The Tools” by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. “Stutz” delves deep into the realm of mental health and self-discovery through the scope of the therapeutic relationship Phil possesses with his client Jonah Hill who also happens to be the director. I will explore the essence of “Stutz,” and the tools it introduces.

We all experience states that we shift through dozens of times during the day. States may register in our brain as feelings or in our body as sensations; even if we don’t consciously identify them, they are impacting us on some level. At the heart of both the book and the documentary lies a set of transformative techniques known as “The Tools.” These tools are designed to empower individuals to break free from beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve us. Each tool provides a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and accessing untapped reservoirs of inner strength.

1.     The Reversal of Desire: This tool challenges the notion that discomfort, or adversity should be avoided at all costs. Instead, it encourages individuals to embrace challenges, reframing them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.

2.     Active Love: Active Love emphasizes the importance of cultivating compassion and empathy during angered states, not only towards others but also towards oneself, which can be difficult for many. It facilitates deepening a sense of self-worth and acceptance.

3.     The Grateful Flow: This tool centers on cultivating gratitude, even in the face of difficulties, fear, or anxiety. It shifts the focus from what’s lacking to appreciating the abundance that surrounds us, fostering a positive and resilient mindset.

4.     Inner Authority: Inner Authority empowers individuals to tap into their innate wisdom and intuition, enabling them to make decisions with confidence and clarity.

5.     Jeopardy: Sometimes even when we know what we need, we may still choose to not utilize resources available to us. Jeopardy as a tool challenges individuals to confront their deepest fears and anxieties, ultimately dismantling the power these fears hold over their lives.

Through its vivid portrayal of “The Tools,”, “Stutz” offers accessible strategies for those seeking to discreetly shift states and behaviors at home or at work. As viewers, we are reminded of the untapped reservoirs of strength within us, and that we have far more agency than we often claim to meet our emotional needs effectively. These tools, while certainly accessible individually, can be enhanced by working through them with a mental health professional. In our practice at New Day Vitality, we facilitate spaces where clients can “Try On” tools and skills that can create a more fulfilled life.

Neurodiversity is a concept that recognizes and celebrates the natural variation in human brain function. It encompasses a wide range of neurological conditions, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and more. While these conditions come with unique challenges, they also bring a plethora of gifts and talents that contribute to the rich tapestry of human cognition and creativity. In this blog post, we will explore the gifts associated with neurodivergences and provide valuable tools and strategies for individuals to thrive while embracing their learning differences.

1. Unique Perspectives: Neurodivergent individuals often have a unique way of seeing the world. They may notice details and patterns that others overlook, offering fresh insights and creative solutions to problems.

2. Intense Focus: Hyperfocus is a common trait in neurodivergent individuals, allowing them to delve deeply into their interests and passions. This intense concentration can lead to exceptional expertise in specific areas.

3. Innovative Thinking: Neurodivergent minds often excel in divergent thinking, making them exceptional innovators and problem solvers. They can approach challenges from unconventional angles, leading to groundbreaking discoveries.

4. Empathy and Compassion: Many neurodivergent individuals have a heightened sense of empathy and a strong desire to help others. They can connect with people on a profound emotional level, making them excellent caregivers and advocates.

5. Creativity: Neurodivergent individuals frequently exhibit remarkable creativity in various forms, such as art, music, writing, and more. Their unique perspective and intense focus can lead to the creation of captivating and original works.

Tools for Thriving with Learning Differences

1. Self-Acceptance: The first step in thriving with a learning difference is self-acceptance. Embrace your neurodivergence as an integral part of who you are. Recognize that it comes with both challenges and strengths.

2. Education and Awareness: Learn about your specific neurodivergence. Understand how it impacts your learning style, communication, and daily life. Knowledge is empowering and can help you advocate for your needs.

3. Advocacy: Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Inform teachers, employers, and peers about your neurodivergence and the accommodations that can help you succeed. Self-advocacy is a vital skill.

4. Structured Routines: Establishing structured routines can help you manage time and tasks effectively. Utilize tools like calendars, planners, and task management apps to stay organized.

5. Support Networks: Connect with others who share your neurodivergence. Support groups, online communities, and local organizations can provide valuable guidance, understanding, and a sense of belonging.

6. Assistive Technology: Explore the wide array of assistive technology available. Screen readers, speech-to-text software, and mind-mapping tools can aid in learning and productivity.

7. Alternative Learning Methods: Find learning methods that suit your style. Visual aids, hands-on experiences, and interactive learning can be more effective than traditional approaches.

8. Time Management Techniques: Techniques like the Pomodoro Technique (working in short, focused bursts with breaks) can enhance productivity and concentration for neurodivergent individuals.

9. Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practice mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques to manage anxiety or overwhelm. These techniques can help maintain focus and emotional well-being.

Neurodiversity is a beautiful and essential part of the human experience. While learning differences may present challenges, they also bring unique gifts and talents that contribute to our world in profound ways. By embracing your neurodivergence, seeking support, and utilizing appropriate tools and strategies, you can not only overcome challenges but also thrive and make a positive impact on the world. Remember that your neurodiversity is a gift that can help you shine brightly in your own unique way.