Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D

30
Oct
2025

Trying to Do It All: Finding Balance in Parenting, Work, and Marriage

 

Modern parenting can feel like running a never-ending marathon. You’re juggling work deadlines, managing your home, nurturing your relationship, and trying to be the kind of parent your children need. Add in the constant noise of social media perfection, and it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short in every area of life.

If you’ve ever felt stretched too thin, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with the pressure to “do it all” — to excel at work, maintain a strong marriage, raise happy kids, and somehow find time for themselves. The good news is: balance isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning to prioritize, simplify, and give yourself permission to be human.

The Myth of “Having It All”

The idea that parents should seamlessly balance career, family, and self-care is not only unrealistic—it’s exhausting. There will always be seasons when one part of life demands more attention than another. The key is to stay flexible and compassionate with yourself.

Instead of striving for perfect balance, think about creating a rhythm that works for your family. Some weeks, work may take priority. Other weeks, your focus might shift toward family or personal well-being. Allowing that ebb and flow helps reduce guilt and burnout.

Managing the Mental Load

Parenting isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you hold in your mind: the appointments, grocery lists, homework help, and emotional check-ins. This “mental load” can be invisible but incredibly heavy.

Here are some ways to lighten it:

  1. Share responsibilities: If you have a partner, talk openly about dividing tasks—without judgment or resentment.
  2. Write things down: Use shared calendars or apps so everyone knows what’s happening.
  3. Let go of unnecessary expectations: You don’t need to be the “Pinterest parent.” Focus on connection, not perfection.

When you delegate, communicate, and simplify, you create more emotional space for the moments that truly matter.

Nurturing Your Relationship

In the rush of daily life, marriages and partnerships often take a back seat. But a strong, connected relationship provides the emotional foundation that supports your whole family.

Try these small but meaningful practices:

  • Schedule connection time: Even 10 minutes a day to talk without distractions helps maintain closeness.
  • Express appreciation: A simple “thank you for handling that” can go a long way.
  • Keep humor alive: Laughter softens stress and reminds you that you’re a team.

Remember, children benefit when they see their parents working together, supporting each other, and showing affection.

Making Space for Yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Whether it’s a walk, journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in silence with your morning coffee, small moments of self-care help you show up with more patience and presence.

If you find yourself constantly overwhelmed, therapy or counseling can be an invaluable space to reset, reflect, and rebuild balance. Talking with a professional can help you identify priorities, set healthy boundaries, and find practical strategies to manage stress.

Final Thoughts

Parenting while maintaining a career and relationship is one of life’s greatest balancing acts. There will be messy moments, forgotten appointments, and days that don’t go as planned—but that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

The goal isn’t to do everything perfectly—it’s to create a life that feels meaningful, sustainable, and connected. By giving yourself grace, communicating openly, and reaching out for support when needed, you can find balance even in the busiest seasons of life.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
30
Oct
2025

When Your Toddler Acts Out: Understanding and Managing Wild, Wacky, and Unsafe Behavior

 

Every parent has experienced those moments when their toddler seems to lose all sense of reason—climbing on the counter, throwing toys across the room, running into the street, or doing something completely unpredictable. You might find yourself thinking, “What happened to my sweet child?” or “Why are they acting so crazy?”

Take a deep breath. You’re not alone. Toddlers are naturally curious, impulsive, and full of energy. They’re learning how the world works—and testing the limits of their own independence. However, when their behavior becomes unsafe or overwhelming, parents need effective tools and strategies to respond with calm, consistency, and confidence.

This post explores why toddlers act out, what’s normal versus what needs attention, and practical tips and resources to help parents support their child’s emotional development while keeping everyone safe.

Why Toddlers Act Out

Toddlerhood is a time of enormous growth and change. Children between 1 and 4 years old are developing language, motor skills, and emotional regulation—all at once. Their brains are wired for exploration, but not yet equipped with the impulse control to keep them safe.

Here are some common reasons toddlers act out in wild or risky ways:

  1. Big feelings, small words: Toddlers often lack the vocabulary to express frustration, anger, or disappointment. Acting out becomes a form of communication—especially when they feel misunderstood or powerless.
  2. Seeking attention or connection: Even negative attention (like yelling or scolding) can feel better than being ignored. Sometimes, acting out is their way of saying, “Notice me!”
  3. Testing boundaries: Toddlers are scientists at heart. They push limits to understand cause and effect: “What happens if I do this?”
  4. Overstimulation or exhaustion: Too much noise, activity, or lack of sleep can make it harder for toddlers to regulate their emotions and impulses.
  5. Developmental curiosity: Climbing furniture or exploring off-limits areas isn’t always defiance—it’s how toddlers learn about their environment.

Understanding the why behind your child’s behavior helps you respond with empathy instead of frustration.

What’s Normal and What’s Concerning

Some “wacky” behavior is part of typical toddler development, but there are signs that may indicate a need for extra support:

Normal behavior might include:

  • Tantrums when told “no”
  • Throwing food or toys occasionally
  • Running off in a safe space (like a playground)
  • Screaming or crying when frustrated

Concerning behavior might include:

  • Repeatedly doing things that are dangerous (like running into traffic or biting others) even after consistent redirection
  • Aggressive behavior that causes harm to others or themselves
  • Intense, lengthy meltdowns that seem out of proportion
  • Difficulty calming down even after comfort or routine soothing strategies

If your toddler’s behavior feels extreme, persistent, or unmanageable, it may be helpful to speak with a child psychologist, pediatrician, or family therapist. Early support can make a big difference in helping both children and parents feel more in control.

Tools and Strategies for Parents

Here are some practical ways to help your toddler navigate big emotions and stay safe:

  1. Stay calm and grounded.
    Your child looks to you for cues on how to react. Taking a few deep breaths before responding helps you model emotional regulation and prevents power struggles.
  2. Acknowledge their feelings.
    Saying things like, “I can see you’re really mad right now,” helps your child feel understood—even if you still set limits.
  3. Offer clear, simple limits.
    Toddlers respond best to short, consistent phrases: “Climbing is for the playground, not the counter.” Repetition and calm redirection are more effective than long explanations.
  4. Create safe spaces for exploration.
    Baby-proofing your home and offering age-appropriate sensory play or climbing activities can redirect their natural curiosity in a safe way.
  5. Use positive reinforcement.
    Catch your child doing something good—like using words instead of hitting—and praise them specifically: “You used your words! That was great problem-solving.”
  6. Maintain routines.
    Predictable daily rhythms (mealtime, nap, play, bedtime) help toddlers feel secure and reduce anxiety-driven behaviors.
  7. Model self-regulation.
    Let your child see you managing frustration: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This teaches emotional skills through example.
  8. Provide choices.
    Offering small, controlled choices—“Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?”—gives toddlers a sense of independence while reducing power struggles.

Helpful Resources for Parents

  • Books:
    • No-Drama Discipline by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
    • How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber & Julie King
    • The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
  • Websites & Online Resources:
  • When to Seek Help:
    If your child’s behavior feels unmanageable or unsafe despite consistent strategies, reaching out to a licensed child therapist can provide insight and support for your family. A therapist can help you identify triggers, create behavior plans, and strengthen the parent-child connection.

Final Thoughts

Toddlers aren’t trying to drive their parents crazy—they’re trying to understand a big, confusing world with limited tools. When their behavior seems wild, wacky, or unsafe, your calm, structured guidance helps them learn how to manage emotions and make safer choices.

Parenting through these moments can be exhausting, but remember: every meltdown is an opportunity for growth—for your child and for you. With patience, consistency, and the right support, you can help your toddler thrive safely and confidently.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
30
Oct
2025

How to Support Your Child When Someone Isn’t Nice on the Playground

 

It’s one of those moments that tugs at every parent’s heart: your 8-year-old comes home and quietly says, “Someone wasn’t nice to me on the playground.”

Even if the situation seems small, it matters deeply to your child. These moments are early opportunities to help them develop emotional resilience, empathy, and confidence in handling social challenges.

Here’s how to respond in a way that supports both their feelings and their growing social skills.

1. Start by Listening and Validating

Pause and give your child your full attention. Let them tell the story in their own words, without interrupting or jumping to solutions.

You might say:

“That sounds like it really bothered you.”

“I’m glad you told me.”

Validation helps children feel safe opening up — even about uncomfortable experiences.

2. Help Them Name Their Feelings

You can guide your child in identifying what they’re feeling:

“It sounds like you felt left out (or hurt, or mad) when that happened.”

Naming emotions helps kids process them, instead of holding them inside.

3. Explore What Happened — Gently

Ask open-ended questions to understand more:

“What did they say or do that wasn’t nice?”

“What did you do when that happened?”

Keep your tone curious, not judgmental. This helps your child feel supported rather than interrogated.

4. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Once your child feels heard, help them think through options for next time:

“What could you say if that happens again?”

“Who could you play with that makes you feel good?”

“Would you like me to talk to your teacher about it?”

This empowers them to develop confidence and social problem-solving skills.

5. Model Empathy and Perspective

You can validate your child while also helping them understand others’ behavior:

“It’s not okay for someone to be unkind, but sometimes kids act that way when they’re having a hard day.”

This encourages compassion — without excusing hurtful behavior.

6. Follow Up Later

A few days later, check in:

“How are things going on the playground now?”

These follow-ups remind your child that their feelings matter to you, and that they can always come to you for help.

When to Step In

If the situation continues or your child seems increasingly anxious or withdrawn, it’s important to communicate with the teacher or school counselor. Sometimes children need adult intervention to feel safe and supported.

Final Thoughts

Conflict and unkindness are part of every child’s social world — but they don’t have to be overwhelming. When parents respond with empathy and guidance, children learn how to handle tough moments, repair relationships, and build emotional resilience that lasts a lifetime.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
23
Oct
2025

The Pursuit of Happiness in a Hectic World

 

In today’s fast-paced world, happiness can sometimes feel just out of reach. Between work demands, family responsibilities, and the constant buzz of digital life, many of us find ourselves running on empty. We scroll through social media, comparing our lives to others, wondering why happiness seems effortless for some and elusive for us. But the truth is, happiness isn’t a constant state — it’s a process, a practice, and often, a collective effort.

At our psychotherapy practice in Larchmont, NY, we see every day how people are learning to redefine what happiness means for them — not as a perfect life, but as a sense of peace, connection, and authenticity even in the middle of life’s chaos.

Why Happiness Feels So Hard to Find

Our modern world is louder than ever. Constant notifications, endless to-do lists, and the pressure to “have it all together” can make us feel disconnected from ourselves and others. Psychologically, this overstimulation keeps the mind in overdrive, leading to stress, anxiety, and burnout — all of which block the brain’s ability to rest and regulate emotions.

When we’re stuck in survival mode, happiness becomes less about joy and more about simply getting through the day. But this isn’t sustainable. True well-being comes from slowing down, turning inward, and reconnecting with what genuinely matters.

The Role of Connection in the Pursuit of Happiness

Research consistently shows that connection is one of the strongest predictors of long-term happiness. Human beings are wired for relationship — we thrive when we feel seen, heard, and understood. Yet, in a world that prizes independence and productivity, many people feel increasingly isolated.

Meaningful connection — whether with loved ones, friends, or a supportive therapist — can make all the difference. When we have safe spaces to express ourselves openly, we begin to feel more grounded, understood, and less alone in our experiences. Over time, this sense of belonging helps nurture inner calm and emotional strength, two vital ingredients for sustainable happiness.

Redefining Happiness: It’s Not About Perfection

Many people come to therapy believing that happiness means constant positivity or a life free from struggle. But that definition sets us up for disappointment. Instead, it can be more helpful to see happiness as the ability to navigate life’s challenges with compassion and resilience.

True happiness often looks like balance — allowing ourselves to feel sadness, stress, or anger without judgment, while also nurturing gratitude, curiosity, and hope. When we accept that all emotions have a place, we experience a deeper, steadier sense of contentment.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Happiness in Daily Life

While therapy can be a powerful space for transformation, small, everyday practices also play a big role in supporting emotional well-being. Here are a few simple but effective strategies:

  1. Slow down and breathe. Even a few minutes of mindfulness each day can help reset your nervous system and bring awareness to the present moment.
  2. Prioritize connection. Reach out to friends, join a community group, or simply spend quality time with loved ones.
  3. Set realistic expectations. Happiness isn’t about doing everything — it’s about focusing on what truly matters to you.
  4. Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself as kindly as you would to someone you care about.
  5. Limit digital overload. Create moments in your day to unplug and be fully present.

Small, consistent changes like these can lead to lasting emotional growth.

Finding Balance and Well-Being

If you’re searching for balance and fulfillment amid life’s busyness, you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a therapist can help you explore emotions, strengthen relationships, and rediscover what happiness truly means for you.

Our practice offers individual counseling and supportive workshops that help people cultivate emotional resilience and inner peace — even when the world feels overwhelming.

Happiness is not a destination; it’s an ongoing journey toward greater awareness, acceptance, and connection. Sometimes, the most powerful step is simply reaching out for support.

 

If you’re ready to slow down, reconnect, and begin your own pursuit of happiness, we’re here to help. Contact us today to learn more about our therapy services — and take the first step toward a calmer, more fulfilling life.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D
07
Oct
2025

Freeing Yourself From Social Standards: Living Authentically on Your Own Terms

 

We live in a world that loves labels, comparisons, and expectations. From how we look to what we achieve, social standards dictate who we “should” be. We learn early to measure ourselves against others—how much we earn, how we parent, how we age, how our bodies look, and even how happy we appear. But living for approval is exhausting. At some point, you have to pause and ask: Am I living for myself, or am I living for the world’s idea of me?

Freeing yourself from social standards is not about rejecting society—it’s about reclaiming your identity. It’s learning to move through life guided by inner values, not external validation.

The Invisible Weight of Expectation

Social standards often operate quietly, shaping our choices without us realizing it. They show up in phrases like:

  • “By this age, I should have…”
  • “A good mom would…”
  • “Successful people always…”

These invisible rules can make us feel perpetually behind or never good enough. When we internalize them, we disconnect from our authentic selves. Instead of asking What do I want?, we start asking What will people think?

The result is a life that may look “perfect” on the outside but feels unfulfilling inside.

The Cost of Living for Approval

When we chase social validation, we give away our freedom. We overwork to maintain an image. We suppress emotions to appear composed. We conform to roles that don’t fit because we fear judgment.

This constant self-monitoring creates anxiety, burnout, and disconnection from our inner truth. The cost of pleasing others is often your own peace.

It’s not selfish to choose yourself—it’s self-preserving. When you begin to live in alignment with your values, life feels lighter, more grounded, and more real.

Recognizing the “Shoulds”

Awareness is the first step to freedom. Notice where “should” drives your choices:

  • “I should post more to stay relevant.”
  • “I should lose weight before the event.”
  • “I should say yes even though I’m tired.”

Each “should” carries a hidden belief—often rooted in fear of rejection or failure. When you pause and question them, you take your power back. Try asking:

“Who says I should?”

“Does this choice align with what I value or what I fear?”

“If no one were watching, would I still do this?”

This reflection helps you separate social conditioning from authentic desire.

Redefining Success and Happiness

Social standards often define success in narrow terms—money, status, appearance. But emotional wellness grows when we define success by meaning, connection, and self-respect.

For one person, success might mean a calm morning with coffee and no rush. For another, it’s building a business aligned with their passion. The key is to define your own metrics.

When you measure life by internal peace rather than public approval, you find a deeper sense of fulfillment.

Building Confidence in Authentic Living

  1. Reconnect with your values.
    Ask yourself what truly matters—kindness, creativity, freedom, growth, family, health. Let these guide your decisions, not comparison.
  2. Limit social comparison.
    Social media can amplify unrealistic standards. Curate your feeds intentionally—follow voices that inspire authenticity, not pressure.
  3. Practice self-compassion.
    It’s easy to judge yourself for not being “enough.” Speak to yourself like you would to a friend: with patience, grace, and understanding.
  4. Surround yourself with real connections.
    Spend time with people who value honesty over perfection. Authentic relationships mirror back your worth, not your performance.
  5. Celebrate small acts of freedom.
    Every time you say no to something that drains you—or yes to something that aligns with your truth—you strengthen your sense of self.

When Letting Go Feels Uncomfortable

Freeing yourself from social standards can trigger discomfort. You may worry that others will judge or misunderstand you. But remember: people who benefit from your compliance may resist your growth. Stay steady.

Growth often feels lonely at first, but that solitude is sacred—it’s where you meet your true self. Over time, your peace becomes louder than anyone’s opinion.

Living Authentically Is a Practice

Authenticity isn’t a single moment of rebellion—it’s a daily choice. Some days, you’ll still care about what others think. That’s human. The key is to notice it, breathe, and realign with your truth.

The more you practice, the more freedom you’ll feel. You begin to trust your instincts, speak your truth, and live without apology.

When you stop performing and start living, you discover that joy isn’t found in meeting expectations—it’s found in being fully, unapologetically you.

In summary:

Freeing yourself from social standards is an act of courage and self-love. It’s choosing presence over performance, purpose over perfection, and authenticity over approval. The world doesn’t need more people who fit in—it needs more people who are fully themselves. When you live by your own values, you don’t just free yourself—you quietly give others permission to do the same.

Posted by Colette Lopane-Capella, LMHC, D