Forgiveness can be one of the most powerful, transformative acts on the journey to healing and self-acceptance. As a therapist, I’ve seen the profound effect that forgiving others—and ourselves—can have on mental, emotional, and even physical health. Yet forgiveness can feel like a challenging, even overwhelming task. Often, clients express that they are unsure where to begin or fear that forgiving may mean condoning hurtful actions.
In many therapeutic approaches, forgiveness is recognized as a tool for reclaiming peace, releasing negative attachments, and building resilience. One traditional practice that embodies this idea beautifully is Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian spiritual tradition of reconciliation and forgiveness. It offers a gentle, powerful framework for letting go, and it serves as a beautiful addition to any healing journey.
Ho’oponopono: A Path to Reconciliation and Freedom
The Hawaiian word Ho’oponopono means “to make things right” or “to move things back to balance.” In its original form, Ho’oponopono was used within families and communities as a way to restore harmony, often with a leader guiding the process. However, the phrase most associated with modern Ho’oponopono, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” is now used as a personal, meditative practice for self-forgiveness, healing, and acceptance.
These four statements may appear simple, but the healing lies in their repetition and in truly allowing yourself to connect with each phrase. When practiced regularly, Ho’oponopono can help open the heart to self-compassion and release long-held grievances and self-judgments.
Here’s a closer look at the powerful meaning behind each of the four phrases in this practice:
“I’m sorry.”
This phrase acknowledges the pain or harm, whether you caused it, endured it, or just held onto it in your heart. Saying “I’m sorry” in this context is not about blame or guilt; rather, it’s an invitation to recognize the weight of the unresolved hurt and to begin releasing it. It’s a way of accepting what has happened without judgment.
“Please forgive me.”
Forgiveness is often more about liberation than absolution. When we ask for forgiveness, whether from ourselves or someone else, we are granting ourselves permission to step beyond the pain. Asking “please forgive me” is a way of acknowledging our humanity, our imperfections, and our desire to heal and move forward.
“Thank you.”
Gratitude, especially in challenging times, can feel counterintuitive but is transformative. “Thank you” here can be directed toward yourself, toward the process, or toward life itself. This phrase allows you to appreciate the journey and the growth that forgiveness brings, even when it's difficult.
“I love you.”
In Ho’oponopono, “I love you” is not necessarily directed at someone else; instead, it is often an affirmation of love toward oneself, the world, and life. Saying “I love you” reconnects us with compassion, reminding us that at the core of forgiveness is a return to love, both for others and for ourselves.
The Therapeutic Power of Forgiveness
In therapy, forgiveness work is a delicate and nuanced process. Forgiveness does not mean excusing behavior or dismissing pain. Instead, it’s about releasing the hold that the hurt has on us. Research has shown that practicing forgiveness, both toward others and oneself, can reduce stress, lower anxiety, and improve overall mental well-being. Letting go of resentments allows us to reclaim emotional energy, enhances our sense of freedom, and helps us build healthier, more resilient relationships.
I often encourage clients to practice Ho’oponopono as a grounding exercise in our sessions. When clients experience strong feelings of guilt, shame, or anger, this practice can act as a gentle anchor. Its repetitive, ritualistic nature is grounding, encouraging a gradual shift from judgment and resistance to acceptance and love.
How to Integrate Ho’oponopono into Your Daily Life
If you’d like to try this practice, consider setting aside a quiet space where you can reflect without interruptions. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and say each phrase with intention: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” You might direct these words toward a specific person or toward yourself. Remember, this practice doesn’t demand immediate results. With regular practice, though, it can offer deep relief, clarity, and a renewed sense of peace.
Forgiveness is an ongoing journey, not a one-time event. Ho’oponopono reminds us that forgiveness starts within, as we learn to let go of past hurts, release judgment, and make space for growth and healing. Through “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” we are invited to make peace with the past, ground ourselves in the present, and open our hearts to the future with compassion and resilience.
